Well, it's official.

I'm crazy.

GASP!

BUT KAYLA! WHO WOULDN'T HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT?!

I digress.

Legit.

I not only have Major Depressive Disorder, but Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

I will be talking to the doctor about Bipolar I Disorder.

My mother is apparently Bipolar and never told me.

Sort of important there.

Whatever.

How is everything else lately?

I got rid of a shit ton of dead weight from my life.

No joke.

I finally got sick of the site I was on.

The people were not only back stabbers and shit talkers.

But they didn't understand mental illness.

I had a bad, I mean bad, reaction to the medication Lexapro.

I attempted suicide. Again.

Only three people, my closest friends and practically brothers, cared.

The rest?

Yeah, they're gone.

I don't deserve someone who tells me to get help and then talks shit when I finally do.

I don't deserve someone that says they understand, but don't.

I don't deserve someone that says I can't blame a medication for my suicide attempt.

I don't deserve people that can't support me despite me being there for them 24/7.

The shittiest part is that I gave every ounce of me to one of them.

Because he's dying slowly.

And now he won't even acknowledge I exist.

Because my mental state was so bad.

Because I couldn't control what I said or did.

Because I tried to kill myself.

I feel one hundred percent better on Zoloft.

My best friend is amazing.

Mike and I's married couple best friends are amazing.

I have people that love me.

I have Mike, my wonderful husband.

And then there is the bun.

Kai.

I love this rabbit.

I am officially a crazy rabbit lady.

Don't judge.

The only things I have left to fix are simple.

My health still needs work, but it's getting there.

I also desperately need a new goddamn job.

I need a whole new career.

We need a new place.

Then?

Children. Def children.

Who knows, maybe fourth times the charm?

If I keep losing weight and keep eating better.

Maybe my body won't protest a child.

So many maybes and what ifs.

The only thing I can keep doing is writing, playing Blizzard games and spend time with those dearest to me.

Brian, Stephen & Jen and my amazing husband.

Even my sister!

I'm getting better.

I'll beat this anxiety.

I'll beat this depression.

Never going to give up.