I haven't writen in a while.

Mostly because I've been too busy.

No.

I lied a little bit.

I keep thinking of the past.

I keep thinking of how hurt I was.

How hurt I still am.

I get angry.

I'm so, so angry inside.

It's like everything tears at me.

Wants to know why.

Why?!

Then I can't help but to feel that.

My failures?

I deserved them.

I deserve this.

Then I just revert back into that empty shell.

I can't keep doing this.

I can't get over the past.

At least I'm trying to look forward into the future.

I have a new nickname.

I have a new RP.

I've met some amazing people.

None like back then, though.

I just sit here and think.

What if it turns out the same?

I need to let the past go.

I will never know the answers.

Because I don't deserve them.

-----

But I did tell Mike that I wanted a house today.

A real home.

I doubt it will help my failures at attempting to be a mother.

Perhaps I just need to stop holding it all in.

Perhaps...

No.

The truth?

I miscarried.

Not just once.

But twice.