Let's just say...I hate fighting. I really do. All I could think about last night was that stupid fight we had. It makes me miss him more. It's true about fights. They do bring you closer. I love you, Mike. I'm really sorry about last night. I guess I was just a little over emotional. It's just building up inside. Kelsey and I talked about that. She said that I need to vent it sometimes. I believe her. It's just so hard right now. Everything is pressing down on me and it's like I can't breathe. It feels like cutting is the only way to feel. *sighs* I pissed Garrett off. He started yelling at me for the pics on my site. I yelled back. I told him I was cutting again and he got mad. I got defensive. I told him that it is the only way I feel. I told him that it was normal to me. He left. I feel so bad for doing it. Besides Mike and Katie, he's one of the ppl that I can't stand to be without. He'll never know that. He means much to me, kinda like my little brother. I really miss him. I really do. But he'll never know that. He doesn't care. Why should I? Oh...that's right...I can't help it. Kari I do it for the drugs I do it just to feel alive I do it for the love That I get from the bottom of the bottle