12:02 Monday Afternoon   missing so hardcore I had a dream last night. I was in love with someone. Caleb maybe. Maybe not caleb. But whoever he was, he had a wife. And this person...he was in love with me to. I was staying in a house with a lot of other people, this person I love and his wife included. I wanted to go to bed with him (not sex, just sleep), but i had to remember that he had a wife. So i went to bed on the floor in front of a fireplace. I watched children turn into a replica of the Statue of Liberty. They built a complicated frame to stand on, and the children themselves stood on it and turnedinto the shape of the liberty queen, and the small girl who was the liberty queen's torch actually turned into metal and molded herself into a flame shape. I wanted to do it. But everyone told me it was too complicated. Then I went to the beach with my family and My sister decided to live under the water, and the tide was high and i dropped some bags in the water and I wanted them back and the waves were big and I went under the water and I found lots of beautiful things on the floor of the ocean, but they were alive so I didn't take them, and my sister brought me my bags back and I left. I woke up. Saturday, it turns out that it wasn't just Matt coming. and Matt was bad enough. I don't know matt very well. So it was me, Nicole, and not Ber. It was Me, Nicole, Chelsea, Amy, David, Matt, and Brady. I was disappointed. Basically every plan I made with nicole was completely flagged. like "oh, well...it's not like what you want matters anyway." The emo, selfless, worm me guesses it's true. I would try to come to terms with that but I am an egotistical psycho bitch wench and I want to believe that what I want DOES matter and what I want SHOULD be taken in to account. Because...when I make plans and Nicole helps, why does everyone else get to change them without my consent into something that bears absolutely no resemblence at all to what I wanted? So basically, I was the only person who dressed up. I looked so damn hott. And I wouldn't have cared but unfortunately I still have this teenage girl in me who cares a little about what the people I'm hanging out with think. And I really shouldn't because I don't even know them. It bugs me that Amy kind of acts like she's better than us. And It bugs me that Matt was talking about pooping in a box while I was eating. And it bugs me that the waiter told me I should just use the dirty spoon he gave me. It also irked me a little that they make fun of Nicole like she's stupid. Okay, she's ditzy, we all know that, but she isn't stupid. They said "lets go to lundstrom and watch the sunset." We went there. They called us from Hastings. "What we never said that." "Haha, wait Nicole was driving" "oh yeah, 'hastings? okay!' then drives to lundstrom, 'okay we'rehere!'" when it wasn't even her fault at all. JASDLGKHAKGHAOEITHAFLKGHASDLFJUA | LGIHALERKTLSDKGHALSDKFHAEIRHASLDKFJALSDah the best part of the whole evening was watching Shaun of the Dead at my house. I love that movie. When everyone left I renamed music files i had that didn't have their proper names, and talked to Caleb until after 3 in the morning. I woke up at 9:30 the next morning because Sara called me. Poor Sara. :( I took her shift for her. It was an easy shift and got me 4 and a half hours of time in. Even though i got no sleep. I drove Shae home, one of my coworkers, cos she dind't have a ride, and I'm nice and she is sweet. She doesn't live too far from me so it wasn't more than 2 minutes out of my way, there and back. I was going to take a nap but played solitaire instead and then Mandy came over and checked her e-mail and e-mailed her future roomates at her future college because she's leaving me. We got sent on a trip to Walmart in Mandy's car that is slowly dying. it's 24 years old. it's 5 years older than mine. Mine's only 19. We bought two vanilla ice creams, two sherbets (orange and lime), and Mystery Men for my dad. Mandy drove back to my house but left as soon as I got out with the "groceries" because she didn't feel good at all. poor girl I ate cake mandy made from scratch with orange sherbet. it was good. So I got online because that's what I do. I went to bed probably shortly after midnight. and I got up at 11 because my dad called me and apparently doesn't believe in sleeping in once in a while. but caleb would be happy. But he wrote me lots of e-mails last night and for some reason they make me sad. And i looked at a postcard that i broght back with me and I just miss Christchurch so bad. my crap little house with its crap little lawn and my annoying neighbors and I'm too passive agressive.