8:30 Tuesday Morning   All those Wasted Thoughts Tomorrow, will I even think about Today? I'll never be 10 years old again. I'll never again be a naive, carefree 6-year-old. I won't be an infant again until I die and am born again, and there's no guarantee that it will happen. If you give me stuff about God, and reincarnation, and Jesus and Buddha and Yahweh and, i don't know, Isis and Osiris or whatever, I'll just laugh in your face. This is my one shot. Even with reincarnation, your time on earth would be different than it is right now. What will I do with myself, will I grow up to be a bitter old woman with broken dreams and twenty cats, and bruised photographs of years gone by? With no family and no children and no husband and no friends? What will I be when I am adult, Where will I go, How will I survive? "the cost of living is atrociously high, but it does include one free trip around the sun per year." I don't know. There's so much I want to accomplish and only 60 to 70 more years in which to do it in. When I'm this little, only 16, it feels as though I could do it all in a day, but it's not true. Its going to take me a life time. And i pity the apathetic populations who have no aspirations, who just go to school because it's illegal not to, who go to college and get the easiest degree they can, and end up working in telecommunications or some crap job they hate to finance their cute little home to buy food for their cute little family. I don't know. I'm just wrought with cynicism. ----------------- 8:16 p.m. I don't feel good. If I don't feel better by tomorrow, i don't know if I'm going to go to school.