Die, minions, DIE! I am not having a good morning. I woke up okay, for once, but BLEEEHHH. I realized that I forgot to do this assignment and I desperately need it for English. Poooo! And also my History one. Dakhflkafg;lkah. *cries* This is -so- not my week. It's just dragged on. The only really good day was Monday because I got to see Scott. Although yesterday was okay...since I went shopping all that, except it was either me being bitchy, my mom being bitchy, or my sister being bitchy...or two even three at a time. We don't get along well together. Oh, but yesterday I did get to talk to Craig. Sort of. He was ... not really...telling me anything. He said some weird twisted thing, I don't exactly recall what. But I said, "Yeah it must suck when your friends steal your interests." To which he replied, "You were all his to steal." I looked at the screen funny and said, "Well actually I was referring to Heather and Thomass but okay..." I was going to tell him thank you. He probably would have asked why. And I would say "Thank you, Craig, thank you. Thank you for this summer when we went to see Pirates together that Saturday and you said, 'You're beautiful when you smile.'" He would be confused but he was the first boy ever who said I was beautiful.... Except maybe when I was a baby and my daddy and his friends would say "oh what a beautiful baby!" which would be a given, because everyone tells the parents that their baby is beautiful. But this was an unsolicited "you're beautiful" and I had never gotten one before. I wondered if he liked me because I knew I was falling for him and ... He made me forget about Levi. He made me forget about Steve. About Jordan, About Willie... My freshman year really sucked. And with a simple "you're beautiful" probably helped me start becoming who I am today. No longer obsessed with fitting in or what other people think of me. No longer in a constant state of ugly thoughts... Depression was really bad for me last year and this summer... He'll probably never know. He's my best friend even if he does hate me. It's sad but I can't help it. Today is Misty's birthday, so a shout out to her. Even though she doesn't even know what this is. By the way, Tables suck. Why make a table in word when you can make one in Excel -so- much easier and then copy/paste into word if you want to be in word that badly! We haven't even -touched- Excel yet! I am so angry and so sad and feeling so very down. I don't really want to go to Salt Lake tonight. I'm not happy and happy is my favorite thing to be. Unfortunately I can't say "okay, I'm going to be happy!" and genuinely feel happy...I don't know about everyone else but I can't. Last night I heard a strange noise outside. It sounded like cats getting mauled and I didn't know what was going on so I looked out the window and realized that I was half naked so I put on a nightshirt and Looked outside but nothing was there. I went back to bed and I heard it again. It took every ounce of willpower that I had not to run around my house making sure all my cats were okay, and it took every ounce of willpower that I had not to run to my parents room and hide under the covers in the protection of the two people who are supposed to love me more than the world. Instead I stayed in my room and I closed the door and I huddled under my own covers trying to block out all the gory thoughts running through my brain. I couldn't help it, I first thought of that dream I had with the dog that ate my cat from the inside out...the scariest dream I'd ever had (even scarier than the pregnancy one)..the way my cat looked in my dream ... and then to get that thought out of my head I thought about my friends, but then I accidentally pictured them shot and dismembered and beheaded. I was literally shaking with fear and hatred and love and relief all at the same time. I have not been doing well, mentally, this week at all.