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Listening to: Ke$ha - Tik Tok
Feeling: overloaded

Went to the Dentist this month and no cavaties! Its still a shock to hear such things.

But it usually happens once a year now instead of every cleaning visit. So prolly the next visit I'll have one.

But my loose crown needs to come off and either be a hole/gap in my teeth or it needs an implant. Either way I'll be toothless for like 6 months to a year. Do boys date girls with missing teeth? Should I start the implant process one tooth at a time now, while I'm young? Do I have the money to do implants? The dentist says the loose crown is just decaying up there and open to infection. I'm not sure what is decaying....there's nothing left up there and do crowns decay? Their poreclain... Anyways. Whatever. I gotta bust out a tooth eventually might as well be sooner than later.

The last time I went to the temple before they closed for cleaning I saw Evans girls. Marissa must have just had her 12th bday in May cuz she was there with their Young Women group. I almost burst into tears. It was so sweet to see them there and doing baptisms. I haven't seen them since Dec at a shame baptism. I hugged Emily just before I went into the font. I miss those girls. It reminded me why I dumped their daddy if anything else. Reminded me that even tho their daddy was going down the wrong road, the rest of us girls could save ourselves and do the right thing. It reminded me that I was doing the right thing, that I did the right thing and dumped their daddy. It was nice to have that confirmation, again.

Fathers Day weekend this June 2014 I went and did baptisms with Min, Claine and Mom. Dad came, but he just watched. I was planning on going to Brigham's temple and I was going to do babsitter swap with Min so she could go too, but she already planned on going to the temple in Logan. So I didn't have a babysitter in Brigham so I switched temples, no big deal. But then she offered to do baptisms with me. That's somewhat unusual and weird. The married folks don't usually do baptisms anymore after marriage.... Then a few minutes later she texted and said that Mom and Dad would come too. Uhhh....

Okay. There's a reason I dont go around telling ppl I'm going to different temples. I only told Mom cuz she asked about it. And I couldn't really hide it from Min when I mentioned I wanted to go St. Georges temple when we went on our girls weekend trip. So now everyone knows and now they want to join me. There is a difference between them knowing about it and joining me. Its a bit awkward. Esp when I feel like sometimes I'm going with the same ppl that made me feel like I couldn't do it, or was super slow at doing it, or just plain didn't want to do it. The ppl I didn't think that had very much faith in me. Min was a bit excited about my quest to do baptisms in every temple in the state, which is like 14 going on 15. I don't really go around telling ppl about my temple trips cuz they can usually make me doubt myself or make me feel like crap the next day, or weeks later, or something. (Sure enough, planning girls weekend on Sunday prolly made Min think I was a total hypocrite going to the temple on Sat and playing on Sun and I feel like I'm back to square one)

But it was nice. Maybe a bit awkward. Its been a loonng time since those three done baptisms and they had forgotten a little bit, but it was nice seeing them want to do it with me cuz its obviously the only thing I can do. We all looked a bit younger in that font. I was first and watched the others. Min got dunked the most. Claine got like slam dunked by a different guy.

We went out to Pie Pizzeria afterwards. Mom, Dad and I have never been. Always wanted to try it. Mins family had. A nice buffet of pizza, pasta and salad. I had it all. It was a nice day, a nice activity for this type of group (the boys were off doing other things), and a good thing to do with a father on father's day weekend. I said it was somewhat awkward doing baptisms with mom and dad. Mother said it was like a good "family activity". Never in my entire life has baptisms for the dead been a family activity. Maybe once when Gma had temple names and took them to the family reunion and we went to Bountiful to do them. The only time I been with family and my parents didn't do baptisms then either, just us kids did.

For Fathers Day pressies I went and got a whole bunch of different flavors of fudge in little sample baggies and gave them out. I got anything with nuts for Dad, candy bar flavors for Claine, more fruity flavors for Dallin, and then a mix for Dustin. But I thought afterwards that maybe I shouldn't give Dustin one cuz a) he doesn't do sugar/candy and b) he's most likely diabetic and shouldn't have such sugars. I didnt even see him that weekend anyways.

Dad made plans to go see his Dad that Sunday so I took the fudge to Grandpa. He doesn't get such delicious things out in the boonies does he? And even if they do exist out there he doesn't buy 'em. I think he'd like to taste something different from time to time. It was nice to see Grandpa. I usually see him at least once a year, but usually twice. Fathers Day, reunions and sometimes Thanksgiving weekend.

I spent the rest of Sunday being excited and stressed about girls weekend we have planned this next weekend in St. George and the theatre show. We have five of us going and I think only one personality that is going to be hard to please. And somehow I'm the buffer between those personalities. This can either be a nice and fun thing, or a big pain in the butt. I hope everyone acts like adults and not 10 yr olds calling each other names and gossiping. But we are girls. We shall see.

But all the girls tell me how excited they are and it gets me excited and I hope it lives up to their expectations, I guess, since I planned the thing anyways. If I would've known it was so difficult to get 5 girls to agree on something or go somewhere I prolly wouldn't have done it. But they have been talking about a girls night/weekend. I juss made it happen I guess. It's all gonna be good. Gonna be with ppl I love and doing fun things.

Currently Cassie and I are on our periods this week together. It makes her more annoying (than usual), but somehow I am more calm on my period, esp in the morning. I don't blow up at ppl in the morning. I have a higher tolerance. Any other morning this month I'd be a cranky mess. Maybe we go well together on our periods. She is more loud and obnoxious when she's home (only mornings and 10pm or later at night) and I am more tolerant. Whatever. Its weird. I'd point out things that bug me and she'd work on those and get better at it while at the same time lacking in other areas I told her about two weeks prior. Its weird. I told her two weeks to shut off her 5:30AM alarm (yes, AM) and she did for like two days only. But I told her about her laundry stinking up the place and she cleaned that up in the last two days... She do both at once apparently.

Hopefully we will all act and behave like normal adults on this long road trip together. I forgot, if you want to know if you can love/tolerate someone you go on a long road trip with them. That will tell you quickly if you can spend the rest of your life with them. Haha. I guess I'm stuck with most of these folks anyways in the next life.

My weight is really starting to bug me. I've never been this fat before. It takes away my cuteness and confidence in talking to boys, let alone dating them. Sometimes I want something traumatic or stressful to happen to me so I'd be less inclined to eat merely out of emotional handicaps. I should not wish to be emotionally damaged to the point I wont eat. I've been there. A dark time in my life.

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