The boss is angry today. When he yells "shit". Thats when I run. I messed up again. Shock. I can't believe I did it again. You'd think I'd learn. It was a deadline. And somehow...I don't feel bad. I don't have that gut wrenching feeling like I'm going to get fired or yelled at. I'd rather get fired really. Another excuse to quit life. I'm acting like I care. Going through the physical motions. I apologized. Does no good though. I'm avoiding him. I've screwed up so much. I think I don't care anymore. I think I'm slipping into depression again. I don't feel bad. Patsy sent me an email from youtube about having a bad day. It made me laugh. She's sweet; trying to make me feel better. Grandma made me eggs and potatoes. I heart her. Almost feels good to be back in my bed. I think I lost Jordan. I look at his picture, I just stare. I realize how scared I am of him. Not for the reason I'm afraid of others. They might force their way into my life. Jordan isn't that kind of scary... Maybe it's just his size. Maybe cuz I might fall in love. Maybe it's cuz he's a human with feelings. He's sincere, he's gentle, he's positive. Maybe he doesn't treat me like crap... I think this is a good day to get out of the office. I think I'll go to court and the post office. Maybe I won't come back... Somethings missing....