Listening to: Flyleaf- I Can Feel You All Around Me
i had an interview today.
this morning i burnt my arm.
Yahoo Answers says that jefri tries to hump me because he thinks I'm his girlfriend. psh. I'm cutting off his balls.
So. the interview. it was in TO. it was literally the smallest office I've ever walked into in my life. I thought there was like a bunch of rooms. but it was just the one. 3 desks all crammed into one little space.. which is where the interview was conducted. it was awkward. the woman next to me was still working away like we weren't there. i was almost touching knees with the interviewer. And right behind me, an empty desk which I am assuming would be my space for the next.. however long I lasted.. honestly.. it just wasn't a match. I mean. that stuff aside, the interviewer was very rude. he would talk over you and finish my sentences. and had a very hostile tone. at this point, I've been on a lot of interviews. the interviewer yes, should be intimidating, but this person wasn't so intimidating as.. well just rude. he would ask a question but wouldn't let me answer it. and his responses were so like i said, hostile. example... i asked if he had any reservations about my qualifications for the job. and he said a bunch of stuff about time management and taking the job seriously.. I'm assuming he thought i was a LOT younger than i am, thinking i thought this would just be an easy job.. psh. so i explained how in every job Ive had, I've been told i am very fast. very productive. and even gave examples about how sometimes at a job like ocean park hotels, i would be told there was like 5 hours of work.. and I would be done in 2 hours. and i was just about to go on into how i am always accurate and no one has ever had me redo something or corrected me.. i am pretty good about listening to what is asked and executing it the way they wanted. but he interrupted me and was all like "well fast is one thing but we need accuracy.." and it was just weird. Ive had similar conversations in interviews and if they do interrupt which.. they usually don't because the point of an interview is to hear me and learn about me.. so they usually just let me talk. but if they do its more like "and would u say you are accurate as well?" or "and what about accuracy?" or something similar instead of immediately assuming that just because i excelled in one area i lacked in another. The whole interview was just very presumptuous. Its like.. if you know me so well why'd you have me come all the way down here? Idk. I'm not sure I would take the job if offered but I like the practice and feedback i get from a successful interview.. so i sent a thank you email. I made it beefier than my typical thank you emails since the job requires a lot of emails and correspondence to various businesses... so i wanted to show them I can sound professional if needed. and i think i did a pretty good job. idk. they were weird. he was really weird about me and school. I've never had a company give negative vibes about school.. and imply that i should commit to that job and only that job and that job is my life and i worship it... usually they encourage school and learning.. idk.. i don't think I'd say yes anyways. I want to be a flight attendant. been doing a lot of research. the larger planes have higher standards and height requirements. 5'2'' I'm 5'1/2'', but the smaller planes height requirements are 5'0''-5'8''. but since the economy is suffering so much and airlines cant afford fuel.. they're downsizing so i haven't had much luck. i hear the interviews are pretty intense.
had an interesting day yesterday. a wonderful day for a break down. one of many. came out of nowhere. somewhat. well not really. so my phone rang.. before i answered it i said to tim "this better be my freaking grandmother!".. we had talked a week before and she told me she'd call me back..psh. well i answered the phone like an idiot... "grandma??" but it was the job i interviewed with today lol. tim just randomly says "grandma" in a squeaky voice now.. it was pretty embarrassing. but i don't think i have that squeaky of a voice. gesh.
anyway.. after the call i was soo mad that it wasn't my grandma.. that i called her myself. She said she didn't call because she didn't know what to say. and we got into a huge fight about stupid nonsense that wasn't even relevant to the situation. I was asking her why she chooses to support everyone but me.. what did i do? why can she support so many people that have done worse things in a week than I've don't in a lifetime? Why is she blind to everyones flaws but mine? she was reminding me of my mother. and then she said "because you are living with your boyfriend". and basically went on to say that she "KNOWS" i am having sex with him or have been the whole time. and where'd she get that idea? i wonder. i'm so sick of people assuming things. We haven't had sex. and its ridiculous. no one cares. i tell tim all the time that it doesnt matter anymore. but he says that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. its important to us. and we know. so we don't need them to know. but i dont really care anymore. i freaked out. i couldn't handle it. for a lot of reasons. One, the main one.. no one listens to me. no one. not just now. ever. since i can remember i am never taken seriously. maybe thats why i run to this stupid diary every chance i get.. validation. but its not real. no one validates my feelings. being a mother doesn't automatically make you right in every single situation. anyways. i couldn't handle her saying what she thought about me. when she is so blind to what is right in front of her.. but she can judge me like she knows me.. she doesn't know me. she thinks i am a slut but couldn't ever put that label on corina. i love corina but cmon. girls been around the block a time or 2. and everyone knows it. she knows and doesn't deny it. her sister and brother know it and have openly said it to myself and others. and yet i am the slut of the family? and its all being fed to her by the source of evil.. my mother. if u can even call her that. I am such an unusual person. where every person i know keeps so many secrets from their parents.. in childhood and now.. i told her everything. even.. stuff. no one talks to their parents about those things. i didn't date when i wasn't supposed to. i didn't skip school or do drugs. i didn't do all these things that a lot of my family is doing but continues to be supported by everyone. i was honest. and yet i was accused of stealing money 3 times! even tho my cousin (a pathological liar) was living there also. but no.. it was jeni because thats so like her. and knowing that i tell her everything she STILL not only refused/refuses to believe me and tim haven't had sex but goes around telling family and friends her opinion and puts all these ideas in their heads or magnifies the ones they already had. "well i wasn't sure but judy said so so it must be true" and then she wanted to invite all those people to my wedding? and walk me down the isle? how BIZARRE is that picture? ef her. how can u do that and be like that and then ask to walk that person down the isle and blahhhhh.. doesn't matter. they all know me to be a trustworthy person.. or should. but they don;t listen to anything. they magnify my situation into something its not. but after finding a box of OPENED condoms in jasons room.. no no. her baby boy couldn't possibly be having sex with his gf. she can't even come up with a good excuse for the box of condoms but is soooo sure its not because he is having sex. condoms are for sex. its not like me where i went to the clinic to get tested for std's just as a precaution. because i am responsible with my bits. and they hand me a baggy of generic condoms that me and alisha threw around my room. but jason had a huge box of name brand condoms.. i don't know about anyone else's local clinic but they don't go around handing out boxes of name brand condoms. its just a perfect example of how me and jason could do the exact same thing and he will come out squeaky clean and i always get treated like i couldn't be anything but guilty or whatever. whatever. anyways. she hung up on me for trying to defend myself. i kept telling her to listen but she wouldn't stop. even tho earlier in the conversation Corina came up and she wanted to talk me about her but i told her i wanted to talk about me right now and we could get to that later but i called for a reason. and she wouldn't let it go. and she ends up hanging up on me. so called back about 100 times. i find its very annoying. i know immature. blah blah blah. i freaked out. i called Alisha and was so messed up i could hardly speak clearly. tim was holding me and eventually things calmed down. i didn't realize i would react so emotionally but everything just piled up at once. no job. no wedding. no respect. no family. no nothing from anyone (but tim) and i was so sick of it. i told tim i just want to start our own family. and he was so sweet to me. he said we are going to and that I'm going to make a good wife and a good mom. and basically not to worry about them so much. Alisha said when we do get married, i have people who love me who want to be there and haven't judged me. its funny how my mom was all weird when i told her who i first planned on inviting to my wedding on the phone at coc. and she was like "really? Suzy?" i cant believe her. i should have said "yes Suzy, its my guest list and my decision and she has never judged me and you do. you should be grateful i am even considering inviting u let alone involving u." but i didn't. i just let her go on about how Suzy is this and that and made it like her decision "well u need to tell her to do this and that so there are no problems" psh. tell yourself. i know my mother. sure no one deserves to be punched in the face. but i know she instigated it. she says she didn't say anything but body language says a lot and sometimes in our fights after she's flustered me so much i don't know what to do... she gets this smirk. an evil smirk that happens ALL the time that she swears she doesn't know what i am talking about.. but im sure that smirk presented itself that day. and THAT is why she was punched. she acts like she is so innocent but its things like that that make her evil. like mother like son.. just like when jason would make faces as i tried to tell on him for hitting me or something.. and she wouldn't do anything and he would make faces like haha i got away with hitting u and no one cares. and thats why he is evil. they are both jerks.
that. was way too long. i am pretty depressed right now. if you haven't caught on...
but I am happy too. its very confusing. I love timmy. He is more wonderfullen every day.
With all this free time on my hands I've been teaching myself javascript, SQL, and french. and packing.
if u are moving.. go to walmart. they have tons of different sized boxes. or a lot of the same sized boxes.. preferably a super walmart.
moo.
oh almost forgot.. so this other job i applied to is this company in Switzerland that sells like random stuff.. like fabric and color pencils and such. and it cost too much to have the buyers in the us send checks directly to them. so they wanted someone in the us who can cash the checks and then wire the money to them. and i get 10% of whatever the check is. I get my first one tomorrow. hopefully its not lame. but i don't really think i have anything to lose..
Im gonna go make tim's lunch
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