i think im depressed again. i thought so a few months ago. and thn more a few weeks ago but now i just know. thats why i have all these stupid stomach aches and get sick with neearly everything i eat lately. and headaches and back pain and breast pain and bah. i feel like crap. i think its because i know its silly to think a wedding can be done by november. and other such things. im definately depressed.. and socially retarded. and i must have add. or something. i dunno. im just stupid. tim and i went to church today. we both agree that a lot of the people are so fake. especially sal. geez. he's so... i dunno. i dont even care. like on the phone, i didnt know stephnie had a car. i never seen her drive so how am i to know> and i just asked "oh u have 2 cars?" and he was like "am i not supposed to??" like i was attacking him. i was just making conversation. and then at church i went to tie my shoe or somethng, actually i forget and u know u ask someone to hold ur purse and i should have asked tim but sal was right in front of me and i dont think about these things and i was like hold this and he acted like i was handing him a bunch of activated hand grandades and like got all weird. its like ok dude. chill out. i dont want ur babies. its just annoying when people are so into playing a "role" they forget to be people and just be. its like get over yourself already. but i guess some people wont change. theres other stuff that pissed me off but im not getting into it im tired. i need new friends or something. one's that are real. sal's all about the outward appearance and its just getting old. talya and luke used to be cool people to talk to but i dunno they have this weird vibe around them now.. like "im too good for you" kinda thing. timmy felt it too so im not crazy. i dunno. i dont like it. people are so obvious. mike and laura went today, which is weird because i thought mike was catholic but its cool. they are cool but i think i might have embarrased laura. i didnt mean to but i always seem to stick my foot in my mouth. she sent me a message and at the end she put "laura (lopez haha)". I replied and said "jenifer (not lopez cuz that would be silly)" so from that she gave me the nickname "jlo". so at church she said hey jlo and im like no! we have to change that! and mike and tim didnt know what we were talking about so i said, blah blah blah did u tell mike? and i felt dumb cuz who wants to tell their bf they put their name infront of theirs? i guess essentially its not a big deal but maybbbe it is. i dunno. i know in the beginning of me and tims relationship if i had done that i wouldnt want tim to see cuz he'd probably freak out and stop talking to me for a week. altho. mike is pretty understanding so im sure its fine. but i probably came off as a jerk. i suck. i need to see adoctor. like soon. my breasts have like stabbing pains, especially in the morning and im over the whole "growing pains thing" cuz yeah.. i read that patients with inflamasometihng breast cancer report having "stabbing pains" Ive had them for about 3-4 months now. you know in church the message was about a lot of stuff but one thing he said was about how we listen to people's problems and then we just walk away, we dont help, we're just like "wow youre really emssed up, ok bye". timmy pointed out that its kinda hyprocritical because, when all this happened and i needed help and people kne it.. they did just say "wow that sucks" and walk away. what else.. uh, the lisa thing. yeah its getting really really obnoxious. she said she would be at her old house in sand canyon and i could drive over and pick up my check. so i call her and she says she already left but we could meet her at mc donalds... on bouquet.. so we get to the mc donalds and she calls and tells me nvm the mcdonalds at the walmart in canyon country. me and tim live in canyon country and sheknows it. we drove all the way across town for nothing. she apologized but cmon. get it together. something positive.. uhm. we finally got up early enough to go to the swapmeet:) but we didnt find what we wanted :( in other news. its late and timmy is on the couch. i should go wake him up.