Listening to: kelly clarkson- the trouble with love is
i didnt go to work today. i went to school tho and it was ok. my english class is sooo freaking long. but i like it. its funny and there arent alot of people.. which is good. i read some more of that book im reading but not too much more cuz i have alot of other reading to do. but its so hard to read for school or soemthing.. i dont know why. its hard to read for me anyways.. even if im enjoying it and want to read as much as i can.. i cant. but yeah... after school i met him in the circly thing. and we hung out until he went to class and my mom picked me up. I did hw.. and then at 9ish me and tim went to in n out and i saw caitlin through the drive thru window and she came out side and gave me a caitlin hug. she said she was thinking about me so hopefully we hang out soon. i miss her like this.. *insert something that would make sense here*
and thennnnnn.. we went to the park and had good talks. i really like how tim is open with me about things.. hard subjects to talk about usually but its like no big deal to bring things up.. or maybe it is but it doesnt seem like it cuz it feels really comfortable.. i notice that i am always talking when im with him.. like i dont shut up.. which is weird. its been like that since i met him pretty much unless i had a bad day or something but that usually doesnt last tooo long.. but yeah.. i like that we have good communication now and its only been a month and a half of knowing each other not even of "going out". thats crazy. so yeah.. i dunno maybe its just me.. maybe i just think we have good communication.. but yeah.. comfortable is good. mhmm. thats all. oh and then....
after the park we went home cuz my mom wanted to talk to us.. she is leaving for the weekend. from friday to sunday. so she wanted to tell us all the "rules" before she left.. but she repeated herself alot. it was annoying. but yeah after the "talk" we were just chilling in the living room with my mom and jason was there.. and we were all tlaking and joking and stuff. and just sitting really.. but i dunno at one point i was thinking.. this is kinda nice. my mom really likes tim and jason.. he's never reeeeally done that.. like sit out in the living room and "hang out" with me and a friend boy and mom.. just because. its nice that he genuinely likes tim. oh that reminds me.. it was weird... like jason acts all like "tough" and protective of me but.. he has seen me take a nap on the couch with sean a couple times and he never cared and ive taken a nap with tim on the couch too.. like in the begining of our relationship even.. and jason walked in and he didnt care.. so i dont know what my mother is talking about. shes crazy. if jason saw me kiss tim.. i really dont think he'd care. well.. who knows. just popped in my head. i really want this to work with tim. i want to do anything i can to make that possible too... i dont think ive been doing a good job. well, as good a job as i could be. im going tho. or try. cuz i feel really awful cuz he hasnt ever given me a reason not to trust him or to be jealous at all. and i have in a way. well i guess i have. but its ok now. I really want this to work.. he said he does too. i dont want to lose someone else. i really hate that feeling. and as close as i feel to him already.. it would be somewhat devastating. and minus the somewhat. i dunno... I used to be such a dreamer.. but lately... ive grown a bit cynical. about love and relationships and boys. i cant help it. and i cant help sometimes but think "like everything, this will pass" thinking everything is a season. as much as i dont want that. thats not even how i am... i dont go out with people for now.. but with the idea of marriage and a future in the.. future? haha i dunno what im saying.. im just rambling. Im just a skeptic of love and the whole concept of being with someone forever. although i long for it more than anything in the world. people are weak. i am. the person im with could be.. and a lifetime together.. someones gonna mess up... someones gonna be stupid. people are stupid.. and its scary to think the only thing that confines me from being in that perfect relationship that last forever is myself. and well, im not saying this like im in love or something crazy.. althought i like tim alot. lots n lots. sorta crazy lots. but i probably should have saved some of these thoughts for a private entry huh?.. i dunno. im a stupid girl. aaaaaaaand.. im tired. so goodnite.
Read 0 comments