I broke the washing machine. well, it got clogged.i guess its not myy fault really but i still feel bad. and theres no towels for showers. oops. I'm at the best part of p&p. where mr darcy proposes and elizabeth hates him too muchto accept.. and then she tells him why and he gives her a letter and then she realizes after she finds out that shes been wrong about him, how much she loves him.. yep. good stuff. i read that part twice. OH! i quit my job today. well i 2 week noticed it. so yes! 2 weeks and thats it! cant wait. in the mean time.. must find GOOD to GREAT to AMAZING new job. not settling anymore. nope. not i. Sam was so suprized.. :) I went to my web page design class. it was so boring. its 2 hours long too. whats with all these hella long classes. haha hella. o man. uhm.. i like uhm better than um. its the h. Ive been feeling.. weird. not mad. not bitter. not sad. disappointed, no. nothing. indifferent..? upset? eh.. no. i dunno. i just feel.. bleh. maybe im just bleh? well. whatever it is. i dont wanna dwell. not this week. or day. its valentines day and im not gonna ruin it. Timmy is gonna make me dinner. lazagna. and THEN! cuz there is and then.. he's gonna take me to LA to get my purple colored contacts. so thats awesome. woot. Oi. i was reading.. cuz i was bored.. lol ok i went to cosmopolitan.com.. and i was reading some stuff about couples.. and living together and they said this "Over 50 percent of today's married couples lived together before tying the knot, but does "testing the relationship" really ensure a better marriage in the long run? Moral views aside, evidence compiled by researchers suggests that cohabitation is a bad idea. "Living together before marriage may seem like a harmless or even a progressive family trend until one takes a careful look at the evidence," state experts David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead of the Rutgers University Marriage Project. "In fact, living together before marriage seems to increase the risk of divorcing." For more on their findings, see the articles below" and then an article said THIS! -----This article is based on information from The National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, and is part of the Relationships Debate "Should you live together before marriage?" Read on, then share your opinion in the debate! Some call it living in sin, others call it living in bliss, but these days it's almost expected that a couple will live together before tying the knot. Only 40 short years ago, this wasn't the case. According to the U.S. Census, less than 500,000 unmarried couples were "shacking up" in 1960. (In fact, it was actually illegal in many states at the time.) But by 2000, cohabitation had lost its outlaw status -- and nine times as many people were doing it. What's behind this sweeping social change? "I would never commit to spending my life with a man without living with him first," explains iVillage member lucy4980. "You get to know a person's private face this way, rather than the public face that he presents to the world." Besides testing the waters, other couples say the benefits include sharing expenses and the reassuring thought that breaking up is easier than getting divorced. But despite the rise in cohabitation and its growing acceptability in our society, studies show that living together before marriage holds risks to the longevity and stability of the relationship, and to the happiness and welfare of those in it. Read on to find out what two researchers at the Rutgers University Marriage Project found when they put all the facts together, then decide for yourself. 3 Warnings: Living Together Might Not Be Smart 1. Higher Divorce Rate Perhaps the most compelling and widespread argument against living together before marriage is that several researchers say it increases the risk of breaking up. Virtually all studies of this topic have shown that the chance of divorce is significantly greater for married couples who lived together first. And in 1992, the National Survey of Families and Households found that, in 3,300 families, married couples who had lived together first were judged to be 46 percent more likely to get divorced. 2. Lower Quality of Life When it comes to living together, more research suggests that the quality of life for unmarried couples is far lower than for married couples. Researchers David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead say cohabiting couples report lower levels of happiness, lower levels of sexual exclusivity and sexual satisfaction, and poorer relationships with their parents. Annual rates of depression are more than three times higher. And, finally, cohabiting women are more likely than married women to suffer physical and sexual abuse. 3. Living Together Doesn't Necessarily Lead to Marriage After five to seven years, 21 percent of most cohabitating couples are still doing just that -- cohabitating, without getting married. In a new study by Popenoe and Whitehead, one of the top 10 reasons why men said that they are reluctant to get married at all is because they can simply live with a woman -- and enjoy the same benefits.------- ha. i dont know why i even bother looking at articles about living together before marriage. i should just look at living together period. cuz thats all it is. and all it will be and all i'll ever be worth. damn it i am upset. i wanna go home. i cant go home. i wanna stay here. i cant stay here. i want to go to missouri. i cant go to freaking missouri. i cant do anything right.. and everything i do takes me further and further from what i want. what do i want? good question! i have been asking myself over and over for a while and i dunno.. just. the list. entry #278. and i look at those things and i think.. what happened? when was it that all that changed or became less important? i am jeni.. i was so.. uhg. screw it. i just dunno what happened to my goals. same with every other area tho i guess huh? i never follow thru with anything. nothing. not school. not relationships. not jobs or car or anything. nothing. i deserve to feel guilty for what i am doing. and i dont deserve anything i have ever wanted. i have wrote many a private entry and many notebook entries about how i wish i had those things and how "maybe i still can have them" and all sorts of things hinting that theres "still hope!" but theres not. and there never will be. i have finally come to grips with reality. im not jeni-the innocent little church goer i used to be. no no. im jeni, takes what she gets and (from this point on) doesnt complain. I am in no way saying i am disatisfied with timmy. at all. at all. in the least bit no way. i love him to beyond death. he himself makes me happy but the part im not happy with is the part i'll never be able to fully explain how it is in my head, and the part he will never fully understand. i am so screwed up... i dont want things to change and i dont want timmy to think i dont love him like i do.. so i dont talk to him in depth of how i feel. and yet with everyday, i get more and more.. whatever you weant to call it.. i jst feel like im gonna bust if i dont cry but i cant cry. irony. i hate it. i tried to cry... but nothing came and i sat forever trying to swallow the lump in my throat... why do you get lumps in your throat when ur about to or are crying? i dont get it.. what is the whole "lump in the throat purpose" anyways? whatever. i dont really know the point of this entry. i didnt even mean to go on like i did. id make this private, and actually i think i should, but frankly... i dont care. i really dont. so read on reader... i have to go to sleep. nite.