timmy is the best husband in the world of husbands. for my birthday he planned a big surprise. a huge HUGE surprise :] he didn't want to tell me until my birthday but iiiii actually guessed it because its something I have always wanted to do and i am just awesome like that. when we first met my myspace said "i love pink jolly rancher lollypops" and when we met he brought me one after driving to like 5 different ones to find it. now they don't make them :[ but since he loves me and likes to makes me happy and such.. i just knew because now my profile says "...i love sunflowers and hot air balloons..." :] but i was only 90% sure. once we started driving into the deserty mountains i started really feeling like i was right. so we drove to santa paula and stayed in a hotel. that by the way was not worth what it cost. but its always nice staying in a hotel. he said that we had to wake up early, and be there at 5:30am. At 10 we watched the hills because I'm gay and then at like 10:30 or 11 or something we get a phone call from the place and cancel! because of the weather! which by the way.. it was a perfect day out. it was ridiculous.. timmy was so upset. and he ended up telling me what it was and i was right and i was sad cuz it really was the best birthday present. but those stupid jerks ruined it. they said we could reschedule but its like.. idk its still cool i just really liked the fact that i was gonna be surprised. ish. and if a perfect day like today was bad then what do they expect to happen in a few weeks? its just getting closer to rainy times. and canceling 6 hours ahead?? bullshit. we drove all the way over there and paid for a hotel.. thats not exactly cheap.. and it was pretty much for nothing. it just really.. makes me sad. i didn't get a wedding and i didn't get the golden birthday i was hoping for, i didn't spend it with timmy and i was hoping to relive it and do my 21st over again. but nothing went right. i feel really upset for timmy too though. i know how much thought he put into it and how special it would have been. it was the most meaningful present anyone has ever thought to do for me. it would have definitely topped all birthdays. i feel bad because i know how exciting it is to plan something special and see the persons face and how disappointing it is when nothing goes right. we were renting a movie and we stopped by goodwill cuz we were picking up a cheesecake too and i saw some pretty white Chinese lanterns and it made me really sad. because i always find things that would have been cute for our wedding. and i want to buy them but thats stupid. and it just added to the disappointment. idk. maybe I'm not supposed to have either. we did stop by the Camarillo animal shelter and there was this cute kitten. looked somewhat like penguin only a little older and not as symmetrical a face. and she had control of her claws, penguin got stuck to everything. but :[ penguin was precious and perfect in every way. he was our baby :[ i feel a little bad buying a new kitten. i know thats stupid but i feel like we're replacing penguin. which isn't possible because thats just the best you can get. uhg. w are so stupid. i have a hard time even saying this on here because it just sounds so easy but.. in the car i realized... we didn't have to put penguin down. what if we brought him to the animal shelter? don't they take pets you cant take care of yourself? yes thats exactly what they do.. and even if they couldn't have saved him. they could have done everything they could. :[ it a little scary thinking about that ever happening again. i couldn't handle it. she isn't available until friday anyways tho so we have time to think about it and maybe look some more. we got cheesecake.. when we bought it the cash register guy said to me "good call on the cheesecake" and i was like.. thanks.. and then i thought... what exactly does he mean??? maybe its really a bad call.. an inside joke about vons cheesecake... timmy thinks i'm so weird. but we ate it anyways. and it was good. no one understands me like timmy. timmy is probably the only other person who sings to things he does.. like everything he does he makes a song to.. just like me.. well not everything but a lot. and its not annoying to us because we both do it.. and its funny. like "..cheesy cheese cake. cheesy cheesy cheese cake..." and stuff. and put everything to the tune of the grand champions song lol. that "grand champions.. the most beautiful horses in the world..." song. yeah we're weird and we like it. we put up the tool mounts we bought to hang timmy's guitars. $1.99 each for tool hangers instead of $25+ each for guitar mounts. i think they look exactly the same. well anyways.. that was my birthday :/ any birthday is better with timmy. i just can't help but be a little disappointed in my luck. sometimes it just gets hard being.. me. and i want a break once in a while...