Its too soon. its way too soon. I cried almost the whole way home. until i turned on some distillers.. brody has a way of knocking you out of depression in a heart beat... which is actually sort of ironic. i like him. too much for where i am with tim. i wrote him a LONG myspace message explaining how i felt but i havent sent it yet. i feel kind of lame. maybe i should wait until morning and read it over the phone or something.. cuz yeah myspace is so lame. but thats hard. uhg. i feel like I am being pulled in opposite directions by the arms. and yeah it would be easy to just let go of one side and choose the other because one side doesnt want me and the other does.. of course it makes it easier but ahhh. i just have to get over it. alone. alone. it wouldnt be so hard if he wasnt soo.. meh. why? why couldnt i meet some lame jerk face? and just go on an awful date and say see ya later and have no connection whatsoever.. so it'd be easy.. but nooooo. g's. _____________________________________________________ what makes people, especially mothers, think they know more about someone than they know about themselves? I was engaged yes. and it was recent and all.. but I've been getting over it for a long time. how could i not? and i'm sure he has too... I mean its like my last entry.. i was certain it wouldnt for so long but he wasnt and then after a while.. i dropped the ball and lost hope too. and i was certain it wouldnt work out. i stopped planning. i stopped thinking about it. i started doubting everything. and then we both had doubts and we knew... thats why he didnt plan anything or wanted to. thats why i stopped. andy and luke wanted to help with everything for their weddings and thats kind of how i knew.. if he wanted it, he'd be involved. yeah. that can really kill it for a girl. we had a long time to get over it. who's to say I'm not over it already? Of course theres feelngs there still, its not like i dont have a soul. g's. not just for him tho.. just everything that changed in less than a week. But i dont want there to be any feelings. I'm just trying to do the right thing.. I'm just trying to listen to my mother for once.. I dont want to hurt anyone. And thats what I end up doing. what gives? Maybe for once she's wrong. Maybe thats how i always justify ignoring her. Maybe i should buy a boat and move to an island and eat bananas with the monkeyyy people. not actual monkeys. just people in costumes. today is stupid. ______________________________________________________ well i talked to manuel. that kid knows his stuff. jason ssent me a myspace message saying good stuff. lol. thats all i have to say about that and then we talked and yeah.. so we're back on for saturday. for the rest of the night im gonna go set up and play my drummies, and then run, and then work out, and then shower.