Its going to be a hard weekend. It was just going to be somewhat strange... or awkward.. or maybe neither and it was all in my head as most things are... but now idk.
Today is our anniversary. I wasn't sure if I should bring it up. He didn't. we spend time together and its not awkward so why would it be weird to spend it together on this day? Or maybe that's the whole point... that other days shouldnt be weird but today is especially weird. Either way we finally talked about it and decided to spend it together. I think we both feel it would be more strange to be apart.. i dont know.
Everything is strange. My life is one endless succession of random happenings. Nothing makes sense and right when I think I know how things are going to turn out.. everything flips on its head and shakes itself up.
He asked if I wanted to see that new pixar movie. The one with the little girls emotions. He said he knows I've been looking forward to it. It has Amy Poehler in it and i lurve her. In the past we would do something like that and then I would make him manicotti. He said after we'll get ice cream.
Earlier today I was playing drums. I hadn't been because I changed the heads the other day and I dont really doooo that much.. at all.. ok ever.. the last time i had my ex boyfriend do it for me... that was years ago. and i didnt really need to change them since because they spent so much of their time in storage. so i did it and idk I guess I'm just a moron. I watched every youtube video i could find and no matter what i did.. they sound weird. I just don't have an ear for tuning drums... at all. Well that isn't really the point of this...
while I was playing I missed a call from my mom. I called her back and she told me that my aunt decided to stop her dialisis.. which has been keeping her alive. The doctor said it would be a couple weeks.. maybe a couple months. My family is going over to her house on Sunday to visit with her. I don't know how to feel about it. When I think of my aunt i think of the movie i watched on repeat at her house when she babysat us... it was with like donald duck and goofy and these other birds but it was weird.. it was called like the 3 caballeros. Probably the most spanish i was ever exposed to during my childhood which is sad... I don't remember much of my childhood.. i spent a lot of time at her house... playing in the smooth tree by the porch... or the lemon tree in the backyard... messing with the chickens on the other side of the fence... sleeping in one of the 2 twin beds in that weird room that felt like a closet.. being afraid to go into the bathroom in the hall... riding my tricycle on the path around her house all day... being yelled at by her and everyone else.
idk. I don't know what I'll say to her. I didn't know last time I talked her to... I never know what to say to anyone. I just make things worse. I just wanted to write about it.
I just want to talk sometimes... I asked Jaspar if he'd talk to me about things and he just wanted to fix me and everything going on. I wish people would just listen. I just felt even worse after talking to him. He kept going off on tangents about himself that had nothing to do with what i was saying.. and he'd try to compare our situations and say things were universal and normal.. like just knowing that would solve everything. like I didnt already know that.
I started tutoring. It was a random thought to try it out and didn't think it would amount to anything.. but i got a response and it went well. I didnt think i would enjoy it but it was kind of fun actually. Its just html5 and css3. I guess i could get into javascript and php but I'm not as confident to teach those things. I didn't think I would be confident enough to teach even that much but it went very smoothly and I really dont give myself enough credit. But I should like.. start.. doin that.
Anyway.
Duolingo logged me out and now I cant log back in.. :/
I have a stack of books I wanted to read. I wish my head didnt hurt so bad. I wish I could concentrate more than 5 minutes at a time. My back is killing me again. I saw and killed a creepy bug on my bed earlier.. now I can't bring myself to go near it... its hot in here. i want to go for a walk. a drive. a something.
And other things.
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So now my car wont start. Fantastic. I need it to work before Monday. 1 thing goes right and 3 go wrong. The good thing is that have a new student and he wants to do twice a week. Woot. I gave him a lower rate since he's student and he's in SCV.
I really hope my battery just died and it isn't something terrible...
My mom was home today.. made me a breakfast burrito. I talked to her and it was good.. and then she started asking about today and i just dont want to talk about it. She basically told me I wasn't a christian. So that's always fun. It's like her go to every time she doesn't know what else to say. I wish people would stop trying to fix it. People. 2 people.
...I continue to not understand anything about anything.