uhmmm. timmy left his ipod in my car on wednesday night. so i took it to his work when i was on my way to coc. i didnt go to class. i was going to but i went to the health office to check up. i was waiting for an hour and then i was there 30 more minutes talking to the nurse. i really enjoy talking to her. she's older, but i feel like she can really relate to me and she's very objective. she's really udnerstanding and she validates my feelings about my mom and such.she gave me benydril last time to induce sleep. and in turn i would get more sleep, have less stress and no back pains. but, the back pains are still there. and ive been getting dizzy spells. both mild and more. so she gave me a new proscription. prozac. i was, and still kinda am iffy about it tho. i was talking to a friend and his friend is taking it too. he said she is much more happy and has more energy, which would be lovely. but he also said that she seems more superficial. less deep. less interesting. oi. i told timmy, im not all that interesting to being with. so what happens when im not at all? my friend isnt dating the friend he knows.. so if she is uninteresting, what does he care? its not like he spends alot of time with her. what if tim doesnt like how i am when im taking it? anyways. that was thursday.
sooo.
yesterday i started my period.
today i took my first pill. and this afternoon after work. i got sick. i cant be too sure about the cause tho. cuz sometimes i get sick when im on my period. The nurse said that the first week we'll be able to tell if i should or shouldnt take it. the second week we'll see changes. and in 2-3 months is maximum benefits. she also wanted me to take birth control pills. not cuz im having sex, but for cramps. i told her that my mom would assume im having sex if she found bcp's in my room. but she wrote a doctors note saying theyre for cramps. but i didnt have my card with me so i couldnt get them. today my stomach hurt so bad i was gonna pick someup on the way home. but they closed at 12. and spring break is next week so. o well. next month. im kinda iffy about bcp's tho. the nursee said they dont have any effect on prozac. so thats good.
i feel like i want to sleep all the time. but its so hard to. unless im sooo exhausted or im with tim. which is starting to become annoying. but yeah, im hoping this pill or whatever will reverse that. i was at work today and lisa had me make a 7/11 run. that wasnt exactly in the job description. sheesh. lamont said he wanted me to come in the mornings so i could work half the time with him and half with lisa. well, thats great, but out of 2 weeks... ive only worked by myself with the exception of my first and second day. its like they realed me in and then theyre like... ok now lets have her do all the crap we dont want to do and pay her crap and ahh i dunno. they arent training me. at all. how am i supposed to learn anything if no one shows me? i want to be versitile. i wanna be indisposable. but right now anyone could be doing what im doing. and its not even what i was told i'd be doing. i want to be in graphic design. i havent even sat at a computer once. i watched lisa make small changes one day. and it was just watching. but i liked it cuz i was learning a new program. and now.. im learning how to get paper cuts, headaches, and back aches.
so, basically i need ANOTHER job. so that will be 2 1/2 jobs. i dont count the coc job as a job really. cuz its not that much but lol it pays more than valencia printers. which i find ridiculous. coc's budget is like.. crap. and valencia printers... were lisa... is getting $23 an HOUR!... AN HOUR! thats ridiculous. seriously. she is barely a year older than me and making $23 an hour. freaking a. its not fair. and she been working there 3 years. i dont want to work there 3 years and barely be on my way to graphics designer. If i was to work there 1 year and not at least be making small changes, its quitting time. cuz lisa, didnt intend to be a graphics designer. she was just working there to work there. i have goals people... and its not going to take 3 years to get them done. im getting married and done with college before 22. thats in 2 and a half years.. and im not going to be a gopher for a printing company when im married and out of school... no way. i would like to take my life a little more serious than that.
so tomorrow, its job looking and by next weekend. if i dont have a job. im selling my drum set.
i wanna be out of this god forsaken house before im 20! how is that going to happen if i cant even afford life without the expenses of bills. my pay check is barely enough for gas and insurance every month. what the heck.
on a positive note. i slept on my hair weird, but i like it. its got a curly thing on the side. its nice.
you know, its weird. whenever me and tim watch a movie. most of the time. actually 90% of the time... its relavent to the situation. like we watched alot like love a day after new years or soemthing, and ours got all messed up and we didnt do anything and there was a scene where the friends of the girl are saying how gay it is to do nothing on new years. and thats exactly how i was feeling. and i had no idea it would be in the movie... cuz i forgot that part. but it was trippy. and just stuff like that. so we watched a guy thing tonight. ha. uhm. yeah. figure it out. its just hard not to think he was trying to tell me something. i dunno. im parinoid. i just hate that movie. its funny but at the same time, its not. like, he's supposed to be this "great guy" and "theres not alot of guys like him anymore" but thats bs. if the definition of a great guy is someone who lies to his girlfriend.. then there really is no hope in the world. i mean, the movie ends and the girl NEVER finds out what he did or what he didnt even do, but was going to do.. because he lies to her. theres no moral. no lesson. nothing. and he ahh... he says they just arent meant to be together!i hate that cuz, yeah you could tell that from the start, so it was true.. but why not tell her the reeeeeeal reason? she deserves to know. I mean, it was his fiance. and it shouldnt even take that much of a commitment to confess that kind of stuff. the guy was a complet fagget. he was so gay! cuz everytime she asked him and gave him a chance to tell her the truth, he would think of her beating him up and going psycho.. guys are so stupid sometimes. girls are not going to beat you up. and if you have a girlfriend who would, you need to stop dating softball players. yeah, i'd be upset. but if you love someone. you forgive and forget. if its something that is ongoing, ok.. you break it off. but people make mistakes. lying isnt a mistake. god. it was trying to be romantic.. but whats so romantic about a guy who lies to his fiance and is trying to get with her cousin the whole time? i mean crap. and the movie made the girlfriend look like a b*tch the whole time... but the dude didnt really give her a choice. he was always late. always screwing up. "one of the few decent guys left" bs. he was a loser. and he had crabs. its just disappointing to know that thats what every girl has to look forward to. not crabs. just.. a flase reality. a life of lies. a supposedly perfect relationship with a supposedly perfect person just to never find out you were wrong. i dunno. im dumb. timmy tells me things. now. so. he really is one of those decent guys. BUT AH! how can you be too sure after watching a movie like that? it was really funny tho.. uhm. dont take me seriously tho... its 2:30 in the morning.
well. i think im going to sleep. ive finally exhausted myself.
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