The more I research, the more I am certain that this is me. Especially since I had a few things I was wondering if they were related to AS and but they were too personal to ask my psychologist.. or i just didn't want to.. and i just saw a list specifically about women with asperger's that acknowledged both concerns. Tim is right, he thinks because of how things have been going.. like when things fall into place like they have with this.. you're going the right direction. He's been right about that before. And its just crazy how from finding the right psychologist and the office being across the street from our house, how she was open and made us feel comfortable, how i feel like we're actually doing something.. instead of wasting time.. how every research experience provides answers to so many unanswered questions.
And today my main question was "what the heck do all those tests she did have to do with anything??" And then I read something and it connected all the dots. Made sense of it all.
I'm getting excited. something i haven't felt in a long time and as corny as it sounds.. hope. I've been worried about speaking too soon, and maybe I still am because I haven't actually received any results yet, but I am 98% certain of it. And its nothing to be ashamed about. It might sounds like i am actually excited about having it, and that's not exactly true, its just that I've felt so different and confused and frustrated and overwhelmed. It might have its limitations but there are a lot of benefits too. Speaking of benefits I could probably get benefits/assistance from the government too. which i had no idea until my first appointment with the psychologist. things are starting to make sense. *sigh of relief*
There is this website i found www.help4aspergers.com and the lady is also on the spectrum and is a writer. she wrote 2 books. i really want to get the second one which is called "Asperger's on the job" and is coming out in spring of 2010. Until then i guess i have to find other sources to hold me over. I hope she writes a book that like her first one "22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger�s Syndrome" but more for partners of both men and women with AS.
Anyways, so today i was looking for a job. I found one i really want. Its perfect for me. Its $12/hr. Its a lot of what they described as "click click click" and "boring medial tasks".. like data entry, email, and research. And its from 11-5p. Perfect! That would give me time to get ready. And its not too far... Burbank.. a drive but not like when i was at Activision. I don't mind driving tho, not with hours like that. And i could attend free acting workshops and stuff! I want it . but i haven't applied yet. I'm scared. No one replies when i apply to a job. And they want a cover letter. I suck at writing cover letters. grrr. that's what triggered today's latest research on AS. Looking for job assistance. Someone to help me with my resume and stuff. that's when i found that site.. and I'm tired of looking around. I'll probably get up to do something else only to realize there is nothing to do and get back to looking. right now my brain is fried.
i got a save the date in the mail for my uncle's wedding. HA. Yeah right, like i would go to that. even if me and my family were on good terms... he is a jackass. I can't believe he'd even send me one. After last time i saw him and was nothing but nice to him (even after he repeatedly tried to embarrass me and bring up the most inappropriate things in front of tons of people as usual when I'm around him), I am so done with that dude. heh, that's getting easier. Eliminating the crazies. I used to think i had to keep people in my life for some crazy reason, especially family... but now its only if they are worth keeping. and if they think i am worth keeping. i like it better that way.
this day is never ending..... uhg. i will not take a nap. i will not take a nap.
Paramore - Where The Lines Overlap
Give me attention
I need it now
too much distance
To measure it out - out loud
tarceing patterns cross a personal map
Making pictures where the line overlap
Where the lines overlap
No one is as lucky as us
not a given or we alrady won
No one is as lucky as us
Is as lucky as us
call me over, and show me how
Well you got so far
Never making a single sound
I'm not used to it
But I can learn
There's nothing to it
I've never been happier
Never been happier
No one is as lucky as us
Oo not a given or nobody won
No one is as lucky as us
Is as lucky as us
Now I've got a feeling if I sing this loud enough
You will sing it back to me
I've got a feeling if I say this loud enough
You will sing it back to me
I've got a feeling
I've got a feeling
That you will sing it back to me
You will sing it back to me
No one is as lucky as us
Oo not a given or nobody was
No one is as lucky as us
Is as lucky as us
Is as lucky as us