I feel like everything I have to say lately can only be said in a private entry. Or I'd just rather not say it to anyone but myself... There's so much going on that's affected by this one thing. And so I usually just don't say anything. Except lame stuff that doesnt matter. Like this...!!

I went to lunch with my grandma on Friday last week. It was cool.. she wanted to come see me.. didn't really seem like she had any other reason.. Well I guess I later found out she had to return something at Target and would have had to drive to lancaster anyways but it was an extra 15 minutes out of her way to meet me half way.. so that's nice. Not that I like making my grandma go out of her way.. that came out wrong. But she has always gone down to see my uncle or go to all sorts of things driving hours and a few times now she was a couple blocks away and I said we could meet and she said she wanted to go home. So it was just nice that for once she came down specifically for me.. kinda. I asked about her brothers funeral but we didn't really talk about it much. I don't know if she wanted to. I never know if people want to continue a topic or if they are uncomfortable. So I usually just let them take charge when its about them but they usually just turn it back on me and I end up talking about myself too much. And then I realize I am talking about myself and try to talk about them but they say 1 short thing and its back to me.. and I get so carried away with what I'm saying.. I'm not trying to be annoying. I just forget. Its not just my grandma its almost everyone. Its not their fault. Maybe they just think I love talking about myself. I don't really. Its just easy. Especially when the above situation happens and I don't know what else to do but answer your questions. And it doesn't help when people seem so interested. But I'm not all that interesting so I know they are just being polite. Maybe I think about these things too much. I guess all I'm really saying is that I suck at conversation.. even with my own grandmother.

Anyways, I couldn't find my sewing machine that works so she said she would give me hers. Then I found it but she gave it to me anyways. I might give it to x1. I think its pretty much the same as the one I have only brand new. I just don't really want to see her. We had been texting because i asked her if she could look in the garage for my sewing machine when she had a chance and then because my grandmas brother died and then she said stupid stuff that was unnecessary.. she was just pressing my buttons on purpose because its her favorite. and i just wanted to punch her so hard in the face. i wont even get into how annoying it is that she just picks what she wants to respond to. uhg. she's the one that brought it up. cant stand it. but then on another day she asked about jefri and i told her and she asked for help with her phone and stuff and i helped. I'm not a jerk. But I'm not looking to text all the time and have her think things are ok. Honestly after what she said I have no idea why i even responded to her after that. Tim was even surprised. I dont know. Maaaaaybe I was just in a good mood. Maybe I just didn't feel like arguing. Maybe I blacked out.

Its 3:30am.. later today I'm going to a focus group for entertainment and media stuff. I really dont want to go. But it pays $100 for an hour and a half so it'd be stupid for me not to. I've just been so tired. And my back is STILL hurting. Not like severe every day like last month but a lot and most days. And on the other days it hurts a little. It never just doesn't hurt at all.. that would be fantastic but its a jerk and wants to make me miserable. But things might be changing for the better in that department really soon. Hopefully.

Last weekend we decided to organize the garage and clear up some space for brian. Good thing we started last weekend instead of next.. we had to put it on hold because apparently the extra laminate flooring we were storing at the back of the garage got moldy. I wanted to put it on the table but (not to point fingers) Tim said it would be fine on the floor since the road was sloped.. but it looks like the water came in somehow from behind.. I dont know but the floor got wet and the flooring was ruined. At least a good amount of it. Hopefully we wont need it but it was nice knowing we had it just in case. I'm not saying its Tim's fault.. idk how to explain the situation without making it sound like I am but I'm really not.. although I do think this should be a lesson to all that we should take my "parinoia" a little more seriously.. sometimes I has gooder ideas.

Sort of sad we have to move the drums downstairs. Tim learned wonderwall. We were going to play it together like we planned for our anniversary last year and never did because we suck. But we've been playing more. And now we wont. poop.

I'm getting so sick of our neighbors. They are constantly slamming doors and screaming and stompping up and down their stairs. And then one of the girls must be dating a cop or something and he parks under our window and they talk really loud and his car is running and its like 3 in the morning.. its loud. Isn't he supposed to be idk.. working? grrr. Last night at 10 - 11 like 5 kids were running up and down their steps which are connected to ours and Idk why but they were screaming and laughing their bloody heads off. their heads were not actually bloody.. that would at least make sense. When did kids just start screaming for fun?? Is it a hispanic thing? I'm hispanic and that isnt how I played.. if I screamed like that and wasn't being raped murdered or burned my mother would spank me. But for some reason ALL the hispanic children in this neighborhood love to scream and yell and run and that's it. That is all they do. And not at the playground which is literally 10 feet away but in the street adjacent to the playground where you constantly have to dodge them because they pop out at you from nowhere. And then idk if its the same girl or a different one but she was super drunk and hysterical tonight and screaming in the street and cussing at people. We were trying to have a conversation in the bedroom and I couldnt even think with her shrieking like shes on fire. I guess someone finally called the cops but man. I mean there are fights that get out of hand.. I've taken part in a bunch... and then there is that.. just screaching and shouting profanity. So yeah. Neighbors. They're awesome.

rant rant rant.. I feel so ranty lately. rants.. in my pants. idk. I'm bored.

Tim's coworker told him I should apply at [insert the name of the airline here cuz i forget which one it was right now] because they are hiring flight attendants. I used to really want to be a flight attendant. I looked into it a lot years ago but most places had crazy requirements that I didn't mean and all wanted you to be tall or at least taller than me and it was implied that you should be skinny. I am short. But Tim said that was years ago and this is a lesser known airline and to just try it. So I am going to but I think training is in washington for like 6 weeks.. unpaid. meh.

We've been on this new natural health kick lately.. well slowly getting into it.. Mostly just eating better. But now we want to like not use any chemically things ever. Not just because they're bad and some things cause cancer.. because everything does.. just because its unnecessary to add all these chemicals to cleaners and everyday products when natural ones not only cost less but do the same or a better job. Plus I haver super sensitive skin. Yesterday I made homemade natural laundry detergent. And the laundry came out pretty much the same. I am going to make these other things called laundry bombs that are laundry detergent and fabric softener in one. Because you know.. what the heck else am I supposed to do with my time? Anyways... next I want to make natural toothpaste and other toiletries like shampoo and deodorant and face wash.

I should be sleepingggg.