I love tonights. I hate this afternoons. I hate her too. We were arguing, not agreeing on anything, whining and complaining at each other and just all around in a bad mood at each other. I hated it. I was doubting us. We were play fighting, buying things for puppy, kissing, loving. You even said I love you. You never say it first. I love that. Not earlier. Its the tonights that make me forget the this afternoons. Make me forget the doubting. But if its going to last forever, shouldn't there never be doubting? Shouldn't I be positive all the time. I know you know it, but I can't stand her. My insides boil with rage and hatred at the thought of her. I'm jealous. She's prettier than me, she has a better life than I do, she's cooler than me. Yet I can't seem to get it through my head that you chose me, not her. You picked me over her. And you've kept choosing me for almost eighteen months. But I'm not convinced. You aren't helping me be convinced either. If you told me I was prettier or better than her, I might not hate her as much. I would be completely happy if we never mentioned her again. If she weren't a part of our lives. But she's a friend. I can't be a bitch. Can I? I love tonights. I wish everyday could be a tonight.