i didn't dream it up-all of it is real. although i feel a great deal of guilt and shame, I also feel relief and peace. i can't change the past but i can see it from a different lens. this shift is fair, compassionate, and not absolute. That gives me peace. knowledge can be painful if resistance is blind. in the end what is done is what counts.

yes, i've continued with my habit. i've let go of soul-crushing practices. i have a plan which is more of a roadmap with several forks. when i get there I'll work on making a decision-i'm taking this one step at a time.

i could go back and apologize however I don't have the desire to. in fact, I am at peace knowing that my feelings have been shown.

in short:

don't expect any help from me, be satisfied with my attendance haha.

generating happiness for you was never my job. your counselor can help you with that-there's not enough money or light in the world to get me to take on that task for you.

let me go; like really let me go-we ain't hanging out or even talking for more that three minutes.

and finally to everyone: leave me alone.