i heard a plane today, it was during second period. todays wednesday so we had block..woo..i prefer it to the regular days. i heard the planes and i remembered of the time i was walking with my mother to our new house that was being built. i remembering hearing the plane fly over us. it starteled me, but i still walked. just kept walking. thats what ive been doing. i dont dwell. i dont allow myself. a big part of me wishes to..but somehow it tends to be ignored. i dont allow myself to grieve of my losses..good thats just it...i dont treat the ones i care for the way i wish i could. i always look back and see a coldhearted person. space..something ive always had. and that...that was my downfall. i become very solitary..why? i dont know.. i dont enjoy spending time with them. i prefer not to. there must be something wrong with me, there cant be something wrong with them...can there? im not sure..but i dont care because for now...im going to be alone. its ok. ill be fine im not afraid of being alone. perhaps that is because i havent really been alone for a long period of time..im not sure. whatever the case, i know that i need to be alone. fear, follows me everywhere. fear of ignorance...fear of what i dont expect.. i have to know everything and anything that is possible. as you can tell im a very logical person. i care much for logic. sure some say that logic is the answer to all..but it has no emotion...emotionless answers. well, i dont wish to be dissapointed therefore i believe what i see and what has been proven. sure i do wonder, and whats an artist without an imagination, without the belief of fantasy? well? i dont know, i guess thats me. i know i did once have a head full of nonsense and mischeif..but its all gone now. someone help me find my imagination..it has fleed from me..why do you believe it has committed such a crime?? ha, fear of abandonement...dont believe i spelled that correctly lol oh well right? its not like anyone will actually be reading this and taking note -blue