i dont know how to feel at the moment... i guess i'm feeling a little overwhelmed... see, the what happened is.. i met a guy.. in one of my classes.. haha... pretty funny.. and well... he.. made it pretty apparent that he was interested in me... and.. hm. we've been going at this for a while now... and on halloween(during the day, while i was waiting for my lab...) we... hung out.. and ... hm... we... spoke... and then.. i dont know why.. i guess i had missed the warmth of a persons hand... so i just "forgot" to let go of his hand.. and he was fine with that... and... haha... wow... i'm nervous... and i just.. he held... well, wrapped his hands around me... and... i ... just... cupped the left side of his jaw with my hand... and... i dont know why.. what .. i just... it was... just.. incredible what he did next... he put his hands over my hand that i was cupping his jaw with... he startled me... and i looked up at him... and... well... he smiled... was that a moment? correct me if i'm wrong... but i'm pretty sure that was a moment... i mean... what else could that have been?... i'm really confused right now.. today, as i was walking to class.. i saw him talking to a girl on a bench... i freaked out.. hyperventilated.. that kind of thing... it was terrible... hahaha i cant believe i allowed a guy to trouble me so!!! why?! i dont even know him!!! how embarassing... this is so juvenile.. yet i haven't changed... that could have been a cousin.. his friend... bah.. i dont know... this shouldn't be happening.. this is ludicrous!! i can't find a middle... it's either on one side of the scale or the other... just extreme.... ridiculous. oh, i need help... can't forget that.. my... mm.. "condition" is surfacing again... can't allow that now, can i... mhm....... this is pretty contorted.... there's so much.. soooo much... so little time.