my nose is so very very cold.

i don't know. hmm. okay.

i love to love. bahaha. i like expressing things through my body, sure. see, that doesn't give anyone the right to even consider that i can't possibly say no. drunk people can't give consent to much anything. let's not forget.

all that being said, i was wondering and i found his profile. i'm a little nervous now. the other day i went to the doctor with my mom to get her pap and my eyes teared up. it didn't help that the doctor was the same doc that did mine, plus that his name is david. fucking, what the fuck. fuck.

i'm still angry. i'm angry about what happened with michael, satvir, and david. i don't think i've ever written all of that out. feels good. it's out there. woo.

i'm still angry about what happened with jose, michael, and i think i'm still angry about josh.

so much resentment. this all is ancient stuff. skeletons that won't dissolve. shooo!

what do i do now? i acknowledge my part in all of the relationships. i don't want any of that to happen again. i prevent that by saying NO. no to giving so a so a try. this whole thing about not having someone is working out pretty well for me; i've learned so much about myself that i just i won't be tamed. god no. i do what i want. it feels good. i haven't met anyone that would inspire me to think differently. i'm so lustful right now, and that's it. i enjoy the company of kind people, but keep those at arm's length. don't want to give them the wrong idea, though i doubt they've gotten the message.

i am talking to more than one person, i have many friends. i'm not looking for anything. done.

sure.

hmmmmmm. i don't know how i want my life, i don't knjow what direction i'm taking it in, but i do know that what i'm doing now is not for me. what i'll be doing does feel like it's for me. hahaha.

i'm so "joyous".