man it's been quite a while, eh? right. let's get to it.. hm. i'm fed up with them and that's pretty much it. that's where it ends. on other news... we talk on the phone twice a week, sometimes three times. i enjoy our conversations, i do. must admit that at times, i feel like i may be selling my soul. my friends wants me to stop talking to him, i dont care what she says. lately i just dont care, and she's finally starting to notice and i think she's afraid. i feel like she's stitched herself onto me. i'm carrying weight.. and it's slowing me down. then i realize i have a fear of sucess. as if that's supposed to comfort me.. it does.. oh dear. i must know i believe have "stuff" or "junk" to hide, they're all very troubled and are unwilling to show it. we're all fighting this.. i guess it's almost a reflex emotion... i don't know.. inferiority. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh! dishes... :/ to be continued...