when i first met him, he said he once was a drill sargeant. his method of intimidating was basically raising his voice for no apparent reason. what he would do is break each cadet appart, and rebuild them...the way he though would be "better"... and for those who wear already broken..well, that would just make his job easier.. to this day, he still uses this method, and everytime, the outcome is always successful... apparently, his method has not worked on me...not yet... he attempted, but instead i went ballistic. i lost control..before i had not realized it..but now i know ... i have no control over my writing, my language... i need direction.. is that unhealthy? im broke.. im afraid of putting my pieces back together..im frightened the outcome might be ... what am i to do? is it really this difficult? is it really this easy? all i have to do... and i know this, yet i dont allow myself to do so.. why? does this make me allow ignorance to be my bliss? ...if so, what should i do? am i to let it be or not? apparently i was already broken before... i guess this is the end. ill be left with fear and heartache, but in the end... in the end there will never be a happily never after, for if there is..i wish for the end to arrive soon....but then again, "happily ever after" will not be well deserved..hmm what is one to do?.... an empty shell...thats what i feel i am...nothing less...and nothing more *dot dot dot* -blue