i have plenty to share i just don't know how to. these feelings, i can't really untangle them, they're all just bungled up in one giant knot. this knot is moving inside me, i'm in need of words. i feel like there aren't words in this dimension that can express what's going on inside-so out there.

my hands are dry and irritated from the bleach. my fingernails are fine. my back is tired and my eyes are closing but i want to write more. i want to paint. i want to get this out. i need to get this out. no more flashbacks. sex would only complicate things.

i'm not who you think i am. we have less in common than you're aware of.

god i'm so tired. even though i'm shit tired, i still have the energy to pick at my thumb. ridiculous. just no. no no no.

i hate, yes hate, hate hate hate having people decide things, bigger things, in my place. it really pisses me off. i mean, i can see the good in whatever but it still pisses me off. as if i'm going to be returning. fuck you. fuck no. this isn't resentment.

from day 1 i protested everything in my own way. i got two weeks. ten days. watch me. in my own way.

just what you thought i was doing, that's exactly what i'm doing. idiots.

so much hatred. ay. where does all that energy come from.

fuck the rules. fuck the ground. fuck whatever makes a sound.

can't find those lyrics... will find them.

i don't know what i'm doing, but i do know that what i have planned is for me. that is for me.

hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate.

i remember hearing that if you repeat something long enough it begins to lose its power.

hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate.

still there...

love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love

hm.

sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex.

hahaha as if.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

two weeks.

i'll be okay.