I feel unappreciated, used, and down. Life is shitty, really, i haven't had a good b-day in 4 years now. when i tunred 13 i thought everyone forgot about my b-day, not happy b-days from my parents and no presents till late at night that day. When i turned 14 i was away from home and i got b-day wished from my mother over that phone and the news that my brother was in the hospital again. and last year when i tunred 15 my parents had a big fight, which my mom started and it made me cry. It was about a couple of weeks after they split up, which wasn't a surprise to me, but to answer the phone in tears to hear your grandmother singing happy b-day while your parents fight, isn't the greatset. and now, i am going to turn 16 and i have no friends around, and no one but my dad seems to really care. I feel like shit today. I am not asking poeple to give me attention or anything but all i want for my b-day this year is to be happy for a change. i can't really remeber much of my b-days before that, but i always remember somehting went wrong. like a friend couldn't make it, or somthing worse. i don't care about cake, and i don't care about gifts. All i want is to be happy. Amanda, i don't care if she reads this, really hurt me. I never say things unless they are for sure. But o well it seems like it is just her turn to use me. Monkey, is at her dads, and might not make it. And plus that, she might be moving to her dads and change schools. So amanda hates me now because i got upset at her, and Monkey is moving away. It seems like i have no friends. I have certain people that i would talk to at school. But is anyone really my friend now? So in counting 6 more days till the big day. who knows, things might go well. Lets just hope my dad gets the day off. If Joel makes him work i swear i will kill him and ribbit, ribbit, (the guy that helps meh daddeh) Well other than that it has been a boring day yet again. my dad called at like 2 and said he would be home in an hour and hasn't gotten home yet....its like 10 now o well. thats all for now, i am going to leave you wil a poem from E.A.P. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx To Frances S. Osgood by Edgar Allan Poe Thou wouldst be loved?- then let thy heart From its present pathway part not! Being everything which now thou art, Be nothing which thou art not. So with the world thy gentle ways, Thy grace, thy more than beauty, Shall be an endless theme of praise, And love- a simple duty xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx p.s. i am going to start to take icon requests ^-^ post your request in the comments and i will make them. i don't think amanda hates me *crosses fingers* i hope not. i hate it when people hate me. nevermind, she is still warping reality to suit her. I am not going to be used, pushed around and treated like shit. No more, will i be someones bitch. She makes up things and she says i either say or don't say things. then she gives me shit when get upset. no more! i am not putting up with someone who makes me feel like shit everyday! i would rather be on my own.