What a beautiful week. I don't know why I always am so dissatisfied. I guess life is full of uncertainties and we just have to deal with it, and if we are philosophers we think about it a lot and agonize over it and become dissatisfied with our state of being. I have tried to be Hedonistic for a few weeks but it's not fun anymore. But I can't live a life of charity and morality either, so I feel kind of left out in the cold. Last night at the band concert, despite the fact that I apparently don't exist, and passed my nonexistence on to Alea (poor girl), the power in those Wind Ensemble songs was skyshattering. I have not felt that good in a long time, maybe the thrill I have been looking for. But it only lasted a few moments. There was just something about the fullness of the sound, and the fact that I was contributing to it, that may not have been perfect, but it certainly was beautiful, and I felt it in the dusty corners of my soul... Our bass clarinet soli was fantastic too, beautiful, I'm glad I could provide the beef. To see the look on her face was love. I woke up this morning and rolled around in my bed for a little while and then finally decided to get up to let the cat in, because she had been scrabbling at my door probably for hours. So she came and lay down with me for awhile and that was the spurt of energy and love I needed to get out of bed and face the day. This is why I will have a cat. Always. As we all know, dogs drive me up the wall like Gregor Samsa, but cats I understand. We understand each other. I probably have beri beri. I need some juice.

Beware the Ides of March. As Dee or Emma so kindly pointed out yesterday, the Ides of March was actually on the 13th because the calendar of Caesar's days was different, and the months only had 25 or 26 days or something. But whatever. The only person all day who guessed that I was wearing leaves on my head NOT because of St Patrick's Day but because "this is the day Julius Caesar died" was, ironically, Mr Liverio, football coach and weightlifter extraordinaire. I'll bet even the illustrious Amy wouldn't have known right off the bat. I kind of like him though. He's funny. I did not object, however, when Mrs Foote in her brilliance called me a "princesa de las hojas," princess of the leaves, and did not have time to object when Mista O asked if I was a wench.

Ironically, I am not feeling the "Hallelujah," and neither am I sure perturbed is quite the word for how I feel. Hanging over my day is the feeling that I am forgetting something of cosmic proportions. I also want chocolate, and there is none within reach. I have fallen behind in my updates. Today I detail the plans of Dick and Jane, namely, Emily and I, for the weekend. All plot mastery credited to the Emily-Clara tag team (adapted from a conversation). I'm bored, and I don't want to sit still, but there's nothing I want to do either. I want to go on an adventure. It's too cold to run around outside, Emily sprained her wrist, Katya and I could think of no adventure which to undertake, and Mike is working and lacrossing. I think we should rappel from the ceiling of the armory and kidnap him while he's washing dishes, maybe chuck in a smoke bomb or two. Then they'll get so confused, and we can leave a note that says if they want him back they have to bring 10000000000 dollars to the railroad junction. Emily could rig me some rappelling gear - she's good at knots, AND she looks pretty good in black! The catch would be that we would have to have hefty disguises. Catsuits, maybe. Once, Emily was in a play and she was a man. Such a good looking man, that the gay director was hitting on her. She thinks it was the unibrow. That wouldn't work all that well though, because for all the padding she needed to be fat enough to make her boobs look like normal fat man deposits, it would make it difficult to rappel. Thats not a problem, though, because the only reason we have to disguise ourselves is so Mike wont get mad at me for freaking out that he works too much and doesnt have time to spend with me. SO, we only need voice distorters and masks, AND CATSUITS! And he'll just be like, "Ooh, hot chicks stealing me from work. This is very cool." Voice distorters like FUN WITH DICK AND JANE. That was the best scene. Despite the fact that Emily's wrist hurts, we should film an espionage movie this weekend, because there would be no end to the adventures in that. And we could post it on YOUTUBE and everyone would watch it, and then we'd get famous. And since we'd be famous, Mike wouldn't have to work. It's the perfect plan!

I am feeling quite chipper, despite the tiredness. I have been reminded yet again that life is wonderful. I am afraid that these constant reminders make me somewhat unreceptive to those who feel that perhaps their lives aren't so wonderful, and for this I apologize, sort of. I can't help it if everything looks rosy through my glasses. I'd share them if I could. Or maybe I can help it. Hmm... There are only two things I am slightly upset about: I missed a call from Woodstock girls this morning because I was making French toast with Mike (which ALMOST makes up for missing the call, but not really), and because WalMart was fresh out of crimson hoodies. Sucks to your auntie. Aside from that, though, there have been constant fresh reminders that once two halves, always a whole. TJ, I owe you a condom! Haha. And Konstantine will forever remind me of that one fatal afternoon that had a startling effect on the lives of at least 5 people. Not even joking. Thank you, Love Actually. Once again. What a perfect segue!! To what, I have momentarily forgotten. Damn. Oh yes! Inspiration. How wonderful. This could turn into a rather lengthy Clara story, so beware. I have long been debating the state of my hair. Por desgracia, there is something unfortunate in this world called "split ends." I have had them for quite some time now. But I was determined to grow my hair down to my butt like Bani, so I could walk around naked like Eve... OK, too much info. I guess. INTERJECTION: Where the heck is this sitdiary board anyways, because it says it's 2:13am when in fact it is 9:13pm. How odd... And back to our original programming: On the other hand, I have been getting bored with these same old layers, but did not want to copy the whole bangs thing from everybody and their mother. Today I was watching Step Up and I decided that I am madly in love with Nora's hair. It is quite lovely. I ended up watching the movie twice throughout the course of the day so my mom could get some details to copy from the 'do. It turned out rather splendidly, and Maria enviously started pondering the state of her hair, and she said she didn't know what to do with it because she doesn't like copying people because she doesn't like being copied. I look at it more as inspiration. I may have copied Nora's hairstyle, but it works for my hair, and will take on a life of its own after the fact. I have seen people do and wear things that inspire me to write, to wear, to Do... And, given my available materials and innovationary liberties, make it my own, a conglomerate which will, in turn, inspire someone else. And Maria replied, "You do inspire other people too." Hah! This is the part where I get cocky and my head explodes. I may pull a Dom and ask, "If I recognize my materialism, does it make it any better?" Only, replace the word materialism with cockiness. Theme of the day: guts. Remember Connor and his "take risks" speech. Most of you haven't heard it, but it's pretty obvious. I will recap out of the goodness of my cocky little heart. Haha. Basically he just said that, especially in high school, we can afford to take risks. Risks like wearing strange color combinations or asking somebody out; ones that could potentially boost us up in the world. I guess you could apply that to the Stock Market Game, the risk-taking part, but I was going to go back to the guts part. Gut feeling...? Too bad the world has forgotten what that feels like. Compassion is cool. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and everything you learn will help you with what is to come. It's like Amazon Trail, when you get those gifts from the Inca magus you use all his medicines later on when you are about to die of beri beri. Haha. Wunderbar. Why, then, am I still afraid??

Shakespeare is cool, and another food title. Haha. I must be fat or something, except I'm not. Salad is the only food I wrote in here that I don't really like... Only like macaroni salad and chicken salad and that sort of thing. Man, I'm getting hungry now... I had a cookie for lunch (thank you Michael) and it was wonderful. But I want more now. Time says you're not supposed to eat comfort food when you're stressed, and it will probably be something I will regret in my future once it's a habit, but I don't really care now. There's nothing here to eat right now anyways, so I'm in the clear. I even finished off my chocolate this weekend, and the other stuff makes me feel icky. Haha... I'm kind of upset because I was so excited that I finally have a job, and I was worrying about it and getting all ready... I was so impatient to start, and to make a difference in somebody's life, that I did a load of laundry AND a load of dishes... And then I started doing my Spanish homework, because if I stopped moving I would die, and Mutti was all, "Oh don't worry, they'll be here." I hate waiting almost more than anything in the world. Almost. But then I got a series of phone calls: "You're not teaching my son at school? OK, let me see if I can get someone to drive him to your house, because I got stuff to do. He'll be there by 5." Half an hour later: "I'm sorry, he can't come today, because my father-in-law doesn't know where you live. But he'll come tomorrow." Sigh... It's amazing how warm and fuzzy I feel inside talking to Mike on the phone... I should really be taking a nap right now though, because I have a headache and I'm actually really tired, and I could hardly think all day, or even talk coherently. But I love having curly hair. It makes me feel so cute!! Haha... I'll end on that happy note, even though I'm in a complaining mood right now and there is a lot I could find to complain about, but I need to stop doing that, and I didn't even realize it until my order fell apart, and now I feel kind of lost. I hate how much I depend on that. So much for ending on a positive note. Haha. :D

"i hate all this work! is it so wrong to just want to enjoy life?!" ... "i don't know about me - i always feel like i don't fit. i mean i think i do, in the grand scheme of things, but on that personal level i feel like im always fighting the current. but then when i think about it i don't know if i actual am or if its just my perception that i am, my fanciful imagination." "it's not really funny, but it is because i was just thinking about that yesterday... i think you're determined to be unhappy, sort of. you're an explorer. you fight the current by necessity because that's how you place yourself in life, but because that's your niche you're not REALLY fighting the current, but you are at the same time. know what i mean?" "yes. i do. kind of. like, my reason for existence is to challenge it. mike keeps telling me that he wants to be like me, like my attitude, and i keep telling him to not do it, that its not worth it. maybe its not even something that you can choose to do." "i think its more of a habit for you at this point, if you can help it at all." "but i keep telling him to not follow it. i don't know... everytime i set out to change i try to, but i can't! i'm just meant to be like this. i mean, i'm not completely unhappy, but i do view life as a tragedy, but thats not to say it isn't worth it - but then i sound like a masochist, like i enjoy disappointment." "nooo i understand! this is going back to something we talked about before, but there is paradise in anger and sorrow and disappointment, kind of a prod on our asses to get out there and stop taking this shit from life! ...in a way. as long as we're feeling, we're in the clear!" "paradise is emotion, or within emotion, to feel and be connected to others." "exactly!" "but paradise isn't a good thing, always... it can be. but paradise can be as gloomy as anything." "but its still beautiful." "paradise was preconcieved to be this notion of happiness." *** True joy only fills the ceverns made in your soul by true sorrow. "that you can't know or have true joy without knowing sorrow, like you can't know something until you know the opposite." "some people do say that, but its definitely a grey area. just like everything else." *** And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears. Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother. Pain and foolishness lead to great bliss and complete knowledge, for Eternal Wisdom created nothing under the sun in vain. When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary. *** we may never come to any conclusions, but that isn't exactly our goal, is it? our paradise is the exploration, and once we uncover the true universal meaning of life, we must never know life again.

Yes, it is nearly as dirty as it sounds. But not quite. And anyways, we haven't filmed it yet. I just want to say, first and foremost, that if you want to watch a GOOD seventies movie, (ie, NOT The Candidate) watch Harold & Maude. You must be thinking I watch a lot of movies. Well, I do. I'm a regular junkie. It's cool though. Cat Stevens did the whole soundtrack. It's really inspiring, but not in the typical way. It's pretty tripped out - like Smash Brothers :p I want to be old like Maude someday. Haha. Basically: best movie quotes ever We were so inspired, we started "filming" our own movie, kind of a different idea though, based on some interesting conversations throughout the night. Basically, the air mattress is our main prop, and it's an action movie about a typical fifties family who deals in corpse transport, and there are climbing scenes and a chase on horseback. Haha. But we got really tired out from all that action-movieing, so we just flopped down and did shadow puppets and eighties dancing like in workout videos. We are wonderful. But I'm sore now. I hate waiting too. *sigh* PS, Maude: "Vice, Virtue. It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. If you apply that to life, then you're bound to live life fully." Revel in your sins??? I'm starting to think there's more in that now... But how far am I willing to take it? I feel like my dreams and my vision is fading because I'm getting so disillusioned with so many things I used to rely on, and I hate it, but at the same time I love it, and I just get so confused all the time!! How do you know we're not confused? I thought my crisis was over, but I guess that's a kind of hubris. I guess crisis will never be over. Identity crisis, crisis of faith, relationship crisis, middle-age crisis... Sigh. Look how quickly the sun goes down. Mustn't fall too quickly now, darling. Oh there must be a guarantee When we're all walking ten feet tall Oh I know there's got to be A better way to fall...

I rediscovered this hilarious 80s-residue christian contemporary cd today. It's kind of awesome. Actually, I just love 80s music. And dancing. Thank you, Flashdance. :p I'm finally feeling more relaxed... Despite Mr Palczak's unfunny sense of humour which involves giving us a federalist paper to read which is about three hundred billion words that say almost nothing to read this weekend. But today I am NOT doing this... I made some chocolate cookies this morning and decided to put some coconut in it, but I dropped the lid of the jar on the floor and it broke. So I was kind of upset about that, because I always break stuff. But my dad was like, "I'm sorry that happened to someone as nice as you," and swept it up for me. I was like "I can do that if you want..." Haha. Last night Mike came over and we made fondue and burnt the chocolate, and played piano and watched Bon Voyage, this hilarious French movie... And it was fun. Haha. The snow is pretty. I'm going to go meet him now and take that devil dog for a walk.

I just remembered how weird it was to update this thing in India, because the automatic date-filler was always a day behind. How strange... *** *** *** Imagine walking down the stairs first thing in the morning and seeing this random plate on the dining room table with a kitchen knife and something dark red and sticky. I killed a pomegranate this morning. After which I went to school and left it to bleed until I came home, when it was even sweeter and stickier and more messy than it was before... Ironically, it was probably the best pomegranate I have ever eaten in my life, though its life blood is still stuck under my fingernails and was dripping all up my arms and my face and the seeds were flying everywhere. It tasted kind of winey too. Like Jesus? :x I still want sushi. Mmm... cravings... A lot of my entries are named after weird twists on fruit. Seriously: "pomegranate murder," "caramel kisses," "pineapple wipeout," "papaya pok pok," "tutti frutti holi moli," etc etc etc. What does that say about me?!?!?!?! ... Oh. I meant food. :x Haha. Better go before I become a Renfield...

yes. human divine. you are beautiful... i learned a cool triplet run today :) and my band gloves actually are coming in handy... how did i know, anyway? it kind of weirded me out that i can now predict these things, but it's cool at the same time. i keep wanting to break into shania twain, but i don't want to jinx anything... you're still the one i run to... davinci code today after school, then a freaking amazing soc paper, if i do say so myself. i don't care what anybody says, i enjoyed that movie. audrey tautou is so cute... youth group tonight though, and i still have four chapters of dracula to read by tomorrow... not to mention i won't be able to concentrate (hard to concentrate, haha) from worrying about silly things which i predict, but never understand. it will come. patience... hah. i am far too fidgety. breathe. just breathe. next i'll be wanting glass slippers. but i already do. i am a princess at heart :)

Dog is supposed to be man's best friend, right? My butt it is. This stupid dog, he may be gorgeous, but he's the biggest pain in my butt ever. You know, among all the other things. I freaking have to feed him after he rapes my friends and gives me an amazing headache with his freaking high-pitched barking, and the rice exploded everywhere, which we feed him so he will get fat and not die of anorexia, so I had to clean it up, and he likes to run away, and I have to be at his freaking beck and call and let him out in the middle of my piano song, so he won't poop on the rug again and I have to clean it up. This was all after the whole day of me craving chocolate, the one day there aren't any ROTC kids walking around with boxes... And DeLorme telling us we were actually supposed to hand in all those random assignments, do we need her to give us due dates? I work better with due dates. And she waits 'til the LAST week of the quarter so I end up blaming her for me having too much to do instead of myself for not doing it yet. Plus the LAWS flop yesterday, and I'm out of caramel kisses, and I'm exhausted. Caramel kisses - it makes me want a kid, a little kid who will eat caramel straight because I let him and then he will give me a sticky caramel kiss and say, "I love you, Mommy." Not yet. Besides, if I hate taking care of my dog, would I be able to handle a kid? Probably not... Though at least I would love it. Haha. Last night I showered and then read my book, like Mike said, and I got the crazy impulse to put in rag curlers, which added at least 15 minutes to my bedtime routine... And to my morning routine. It looked awesome though. Looks. Hasn't frizzled out yet. Such a good book too. But I have too much to read and too much to write and too many websites to go to and too many calls to make, and too much to care about, and I feel like I haven't seen Mike in ages, which is, of course, ridiculous, because I just saw him at school and we even hung out on Monday. Anyways, getting compliments on my hair was nice today. It really is my vanity. And I actually did get a lot done today, considering... And I even bought some Rolos after school - which is not quite as good as Hershey kisses, I soon realized, but slightly cheaper. Double points in Spanish though! We got to watch Havana Nights, so that was cool at least. In the classes with windows I mostly stared at the quartz fields, the ice-frosted blades of grass that look like a million diamond crystals sparkling in the sun. It's absolutely gorgeous, I may never have seen anything so coldly beautiful in my life, but it's also freaky - it reminds me of The Day After Tomorrow, which is a horrible movie but a pretty scary idea when you think about it. Plus the whole global warming thing is a major issue these days... Gov & Pol was supposed to be West Wing Wednesday, but we spent most of the time going over the stupid Congress tests nobody really wanted to talk about, except the politics freaks who don't have to put in effort in the class... I really do respect them for it, but I personally don't have the motivation to put in the same external effort and therefore I have a marked disadvantage. Sigh... In gym Gina and I were laughing about the foibles of men - G-Unit is my favorite. I really do love watching the boys play basketball. It's wildly amusing. And Frankie is so cute... Today he asked me if I wanted to play dodgeball... But I don't like dodgeball, so I had to say no. I should probably put in some more effort in the class, but if Mr Liverio doesn't care I think I won't. The big scandal today was that wack party this weekend, how like 60 people's names were in the paper - a good chunk of our class and of the football team... In Sociology we were all discussing it and Mr Iorio said the best thing would be to get some koolaid and some soda and set out some chessboards, and then get busted. No alcohol in sight. Rich just turned around and said, "Hey Clara, how about it?" That would be pretty amusing, I must say... I'm sure Brigid's grandma wouldn't mind calling us in... And we wouldn't have to work very hard at it. The only time there was ever alcohol in my house there was like a box of Labatt Blue and two 6-packs of wine coolers in the garage for like 3 months, because the neighbors went on a diet and gave them to us, and we took it out of politeness, but nobody in my family drinks. Except church wine on Sundays. But you know. Wow, I feel quite a bit better now. Just don't let me start listing my duties and I might stay OK... Either that, or I just kind of "forget" about everything I have to do, and just not do it. Might not be such a fantastic idea, because then I'd really have to do it all tomorrow... Here I go again! Sigh...

After the band dance, I came home, showered, and then watched Flashdance. Finally... But anyways, I couldn't sleep after that because I was thinking about dancing... I love it, so much... And just like Alex Owens, I haven't taken any classes. She wants to do ballet, which is a little different from me (although when I was five...), but still. I would probably get freaked out applying for a spot on a company if everyone else had gone to school for it for years and years. Good for her for finally going in! I keep sidetracking myself!! In any case, I was feeling kind of guilty for not noticing people at the dance. I went up to a few people who were just sitting around like why aren't you dancing? And they were all, "Oh, we've been out there..." And it's not like I should have noticed, I guess, but I felt bad for not noticing anyway, and kind of rude for approaching them about it. Emerging philosophical question: am I that self-absorbed when I'm dancing? So into my own thing that I barely notice the rest of the world? I don't like the idea of self-absorption - though I suppose if I'm asking this question now it's taking humility to a hubristic extreme. But for the sake of philosophy: I am a firm believer in the selflessness of art, as in the best art comes in moments of minimal self-awareness. Is my self-absorption while I'm dancing aware or unaware? Is it art or pride? I was thinking about that during the dance too, come to think of it... I thought the best kind of dancing is freestyling, yet the majority of the dance consisted of Heather and I and random other people coordinating someone else's moves, or some we'd developed and built up ourselves over time. So we requested a song especially for freestyling, and ended up doing yet another dance from a movie. I was in a minor panic. Stupid thing to freak out about, hey? If I had fun, though, does it really matter? The "funnest" - or most memorable, at least - parts were when everybody was on the floor goofing off. And Mike said he wished I could see myself dance, and that if he videotaped it it wouldn't come close to the real thing. I guess my main problem is that I worry too much, about everything. I don't want to approach other groups for fear of intimidating them or making them think I'm showing off (which I probably am, but whatever - I wish everyone would dance and not worry about what people think - I wish I would dance and not worry about what people think!) In my latest Madeleine L'Engle book, which I have not been able to read as much as I would like, the characters were talking about art in the sense of angels. Art, and someone's leading gift, they said, is about the struggle between the dark angel of destruction and the bright angel of creativity, and art comes when the bright angel prevails for a split second in time. The pianist then pointed out that the best pieces of music were written in times of darkness, when it would seem the dark angel was victorious. They also talk about the near impossibility of externalizing internal sounds, which can of course be applied to writing and painting as well. I wish I could externalize my internal images! If I could, I think I would be a wonderful painter. But I guess that's what art is all about. The ability to externalize. You could say all art derives from the same place in a person's soul and its external variety comes from the different specialties of externalization. Cool. The pianist also theorized that the dark angel and the bright angel are actually the same angel in "different guises." In this case, the bright angel of creativity would work out of the turmoil of the dark angel to produce paradise, and there we are, full circle. Isn't life funny? Incidentally, I made the world's fluffiest oatmeal muffins this morning. They are nearly impossible to eat, but they taste wonderful.

I'm wearing finger gloves, and they severely limit my manual capacity. (I can't believe I just wrote that...) But my hands are cold, so deal with it. I am exhausted, and exhausted of being bummed. Dom: "When you have no expectations..." First it was the iPod announcement. I mean, not like they weren't already illegal in school, but every time they remind us it just makes it worse. Do you know how much less I get done in study hall without it? Dependence on technology. Bleh. Mostly I was optimistic until Spanish, when people decided to be practical and go with Katie's dance instead. No big deal, I know. Even I think a dance is cool. It's just that I was so excited about the novela. But whatever. Nobody likes to stick their neck out (I'm going off-subject now) and do something worthwhile. I guess I should learn worthwhileness without having to stick my neck out. But I'm not wearing combinations of brown, white, and blue. I draw the line at that. Tonight is a Board of Ed meeting, which I am obligated to attend for the sake of my quarter grade. It ends in a week and a half!! Dude... Because I'm going out later, I should really be sleeping now, but I have too much on my mind. Maybe after this. I'm spoiling myself now... Life is too full of cool things to do, and now I'm getting sucked into the technological whirlpool. *sigh* I never do things on weeknights except when Mike's home. What's up with that?! Scandal of the day: Sarge has a secret girlfriend! Who could it be... Stop wallowing in self-pity and overthought now and do something with your life! Even the boys in gym class were more aggressive today...

It's completely bizarre writing "2007" on everything. Every time I do it this little shock goes through my body and I think, "Wow, this is it, after this, I'm out." What's my life going to be like in 8 months? Who am I going to be hanging around with, where will my home base be? Will I be sure about life or unsure, will I be stable? Where will I sleep at night? How will I have gotten there? Because that's all that really matters anyway. If this doesn't sound bubbly to you, you are one sharp cookie. I mean a cookie with razor edges. Mmm. Speaking of being careful on Halloween... And that's exactly what I mean. The fact that I say stupid things like that might not mean a lot, but it's something. I honestly don't think I could shut up all day. There's something about being remembered, for me anyways. This random kid, I don't even know if he knows my name, but he was in one of the Global classes from the India presentation, and he was kind of cool. One of those incredibly smart guys who never gets told he's smart, but would have incredible potential if he could break free. Story of our town? Yes. In any case, his name is James and I like him. But I was just randomly walking by his class during 4th period and he poked his head out like, "Hey! I know you!" Most amazing feeling ever!! I kind of want to make him cookies or something, but not really. That would make no sense anyways. Thank you, James. Dee's been giving me a hard time about saying I like to do things not the normal way, yet I sit in the same seat at lunch every day and always complain about it. So finally today I decided to put an end to that nonsense, and we switched. Seriously, that is such a good way to spice things up. I didn't realize the cafeteria could look so much different. I've never sat on that side of the table before. Crazy. Still couldn't shut up though. One weird thing: Alex. Always weird, but whatever. Wants to go to the Kettle on Thursday, but would rather somebody else went who doesn't have anything else to do on Thursday afternoon. Incidentally, the new saxophone girl looks almost identical to Amanda in her younger form, except with straight hair, and more snooty-looking. Nobody really seems to like her, and I feel kind of bad, but of course I'm not going to go out of my way to get to know her or anything. She seems kind of unreceptive. After lunch in Spanish class Mrs Foote told us about the talent show... We have a music test tomorrow but afterward we get to work on our entry. Heather and I have been waiting all year to do a dance or something, but when she was explaining to us all the things we can do I almost exploded laughing because I thought how hilarious it would be to write a novela, you know those crazy soap operas on the Spanish channel? Awesome. Then Heather was all, "But I really wanted to dance." So, being the diplomat that I am, I just shrugged and replied, "Well, we can make it a musical novela, like in Bollywood when the entire cast breaks into choreographed dance, and it fits right into the script." Only problem is that we know how haywire my scripts go, all complicated and jazz, so instead of a mere entry in the talent show it will probably end up being like 2 hours long. Which will suck to chop down, but whatever. It will be fun anyways. Presently we came to realize that we couldn't do anything by ourselves alone in any case, so we carefully infiltrated (and when I say carefully I mean very very conspicuously, based on my mood) Cait's group, where Katie was trying to convince her and Pebbles to do a dance she made up to the Havana Nights music. I was so hyper, could NOT shut up, and all of them were laughing hysterically, because I am insane when my mind starts going, and then Mrs Foote was all "SHHH I HAVE A HEADACHE!" I'm pretty excited though. Band is so frustrating. We spent today learning about 6/8 time, which I know about in great depth, and I used to be shy to show off even though I should be in a higher level band, just because I've been playing longer, but I get so frustrated these days that I've stopped caring. I think I'm going to go insane by the end of the year. The good part about that band is that I get a chance to interact with all the band kids I wouldn't get to know otherwise. Which is really cool. Tony is bomb, for example. !Oye chicos! After school we had 8 kids at LAWS, which is amazingly cool... Before AJ and Pebbles and Jose got there we decided to go around school and hang up some signs, and we got to talking... It was cool to walk around with all the new kids, I guess it kind of helped them feel more involved, and we were talking about stuff, so next week we're going to have music, and dancing! Right there in the Commons! I'm too psyched. Now that I'm actually feeling comfortable in the group and I can say my ideas and contribute to the other ones, I appreciate what an awesome opportunity it is to not only get in touch with my Latina heritage, but to develop some leadership skills and hopefully make a change in the school. I've said before so many people have so much potential and the administration (who are a horrible representation of our demographics and do not understand - much like Congress) smash them like potatoes with butter. Except less tasty. (Haha, another idiotic whatnot...) One bad thing was that Mike called to say they have no service on the mountain, so I won't get to talk to him again until Thursday night. *sigh* Absence makes the heart grow fonder, I guess... It was so cute when he was leaving, and he kissed me goodbye, and then he was all, "I don't want to leave now!" And I'm like, "Get out of here and ski!" Haha. Love him... I am also pissed because my brother reminded me that we have to do the Mariaville thing on Saturday night, which means that I will not only be very tired but I am unavailable that night to continue the Star Wars of last weekend. Haha. , Gz, can you imagine me if I had a job?! I'm such a bum... But we finished the pennies! So that's over with, finally... It's so unreal, it seemed like we'd never finish and there would always be pennies to roll for the rest of eternity... So much for the food pantry getting their goods! Haha... Now that this schpiel is sufficiently representative of my long-winded mood of the day, I should probably stop, because no one will have time and patience to read down this far anyways, so there is no point in me going on. :D

It's been quite some time, for which I apologize. Emma waxes poetic: "and the light of the room becomes undescribably interesting..." Actually, I am amazed at all of my friends. Undescribably interesting... Yet you know exactly what she means, when she speaks of the sun and how it orangely extends itself into the rooms, blasting through the clouds with a sonic boom and glowing every unpainted wall... How the purple sky wraps it up, smothering it as night comes. Yes, there is no way to describe it without waxing poetic, but I try too hard. There is something about a surprise poet, who has not already established herself as such. Incidentally, while Rich enjoys the structure of math and of physics, I am wholly wallowing in my mathless existence! I order the universe in other ways.

Got a crazy story for you honeybunnies!! When I was ready to check into the Delhi airport I discovered I had no ticket, so we had to go to the Lufthansa office and drag all my 40-some kgs of luggage up two flights of stairs to get a print-out of my e-ticket... Finally got on and LH is like, the best airline EVER!! I was sitting next to this middle-aged German guy who was reading "Steppenwolf" and looked ruther steppenwolfish himself; I didnt even think he spoke English until 20 minutes before landing, and dont think he figured out I didnt speak German until then, and we both looked pretty surprised if I do say so myself! I was at Alisas house about 6 hours before she got there, and took a shower while I had the house to myself... Nicholas, her 14-year-old brother, knocked on the door all confused like, "Hallo?" and I almost dropped the showerhead because I was so surprised to hear his deep voice! Haha. He's soooo cute... And taller than me. Finally I feel short!!! Yesterday Alisa left for the opening game of the World Cup all decked out in Germany-wear, and I got on a train to Frankfurt au Mein. It got in about half an hour early, so I bought an AMAZING pizza and a Fanta which exploded all over me; I didnt wash it off because I didnt feel like paying for the bathroom. Haha. After 45 minutes I realized I wasnt IN Frankfurt, I was in Mannheim. Only I could get off one stop early... So I called Kira with the help of an English-speaking German woman, and she, laughing and worried, told me to get on the next train to Frankfurt - which was incidentally leaving 5 minutes later, so I ran and caught it, sitting on my suitcase in the back of the train until Frankfurt. Got off in the right spot this time! I ran around in Frankfurt for like 5 minutes trying unsuccessfully to call collect because I have no German, and finally asked for coin change at this deli. The call timed out, though, while we were trying to find each other, so I hung up reluctantly and heard from behind me, "Clara?! Clara! Hallo?!" "Kira!" And she jumped on me. It was a happy reunion. This drunk Irish guy asked us to help him get to a motel in Offenbach, which is of course where Kira lives, so he hooked up with us on the underground and started hitting on Kiras mom and waving his fist at me bellowing, "God bless America! And God bless the British!" Dumped him. We ate a whole 24-cut pizza with Tati and Jo and Marlon, and went to sleep on the futon watching "Sex in the City." Im gonna gain a lot of the weight I lost at WS eating all this amazing German bread. Seriously. We got haircuts in the morning and then bought AMAZING Italian ice cream, eating it as we walked to Kiras dads house, which is the ultimate grown up party house, with a floating piano room. No kidding. Its so freaking awesome. His neighbor is an accomplished professional piano player. On the way home we stopped at the supermarket and got super-hyper, running around screaming "BIFI!" (German slim jims with free Germany face paint) and "MUTTI!!!" and hanging underwear on hot sauce jars and cans of nuts. Haha. Kira said everybody thought we were being cocky because we were speaking English. Haha. We are too cool for school. Germany won the opening game, for those of you who didnt know, and Ecuador kicked Polish butt last night... German fans went all out, wearing flags as skirts and black, red, and yellow afro wigs and Cat-in-the-Hat hats, and waving German flags out all windows of their cars, and screaming "GERMANY!!!" as we drive up the streets. Germany rocks MY socks...

Haha the only reason I know that is because last night in the airport I was reading a German-English dictionary in the airport while we were waiting for Alisa´s plane to come in (if there are any weird typos its because the German keyboard is different and the only real thing I´ve figured out is the y-z switch). I learned that ab means from and Assen is dinner. So anyways, there´s wayyyy too much to write, but I´m just checking in mostly because I´m bored but also because today I´m supposed to take a train to Frankfurt and stay the week with Kira, and we have to find it online, but I don´t know anything about German-train-finding. So yeah. It´s really weird being here because I´m the only one who doesn´t speak German and even though it would be really easy for me to pick up, in all practicality whenever you pick up a language it´s tough cookies!! So I´m hoping to at least be able to follow a conversation by the end of my time here... After everything cool that we do. Should get on better in Italy :p It´s a lot easier with Alisa anyways because before she got here it was mostly just her grandma trying out her English on me (sweetest lady ever, though, I can´t deny it) and her brother sitting around giving me pitying smiles. Haha. Even though he´s really cute... He´s only fourteen though. Dangit. Haha. Just kidding. Ay, caramba, you guys seriously have no idea how hard it is typing on this keyboard. Someday I´ll write like on an English keyboard and and you´ll see the difference!!!

Dang, has it EVER been forever!! Haha. There's just time for like, the five-minute recap... So 1 April (one month ago) was Sadie Hawkins Dance (who's heard the AWESOME RK song?!) and I went with Samuel (you guys remember him, first quarter lab partner) and it was fabulous. He is fabulous. But also painful. My heart's been hurting a lot lately. You know The Rack? Yep. My heart was taken by the Evil Ninja Monkey King and it's now in The Rack. Basically. The next weekend was Quarter Break and my dad came. We spent the entire weekend sick reading DaVinci Code and I really enjoyed it. On Monday we went to Buzz and shopped, spent like a billion rup's and then got soaked on the way home. "So you think we can make it? There's taxis right here." "Oh yeah, no sweat we can make it!" Hah. I am SO cool. At least my dad fits into my shirts. Kinda sad actually. He's getting smaller. :x Weekend after that was Win Mumby. Like Homecoming, except basketball. And it was better than Homecoming, because basketball is better than American football. :x Oh no I did NOT just say that! Seriously, I have NEVER gotten into a sports game (besides swimming) like I did at Win Mumby. Seriously. My voice was gone by halftime. Oh yeah, and our cheerleaders are awesome. They have no beat, first of all, and then they wear black shirts and jeans as uniforms and Connor complains that he hopes they don't fall out of their clothes. Hah. Just because he's bitter and he WISHES he could call cheerleaders sluts. Because that's what happens in the movies. He's SO IRRITATING. ARgh. I just went through a month of weekends. The one that just got done was Mela - Rainbow Nation - so I wore my Ecuadorian dress, surprising everyone who thought I as a boring American had nothing to wear. Mwahaha, think again, dark angels!!! Alisa and I spent most of the day eating and walking around having people like Shoko squeal "OMIGOSH YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOO CUTE!!!" Yeeechhh. haha. At one point we walked ALL the way through school to get flowers to put in our hair and ran into the Koreans, and then just came back after picking flowers. Hah. Unfortunately there is no American national dance (I am NOT grinding) so after the Bhutanese and Hindustani and all that jazz we started unofficially linedancing and swinging and pretending like we could salsa. It was great. Then we went up in the top balcony and screamed at the auctioneer... that was reallly fun. We watched Crazy Beautiful for Pod night and I fell asleep (when's the last time I fell asleep during a movie?!?!) and woke up at 4am then went in my bed... And woke up at 11 steaming in our room because the window was shut. After lunch we went swimming and it was beautiful, if FREEZING (because they roofed it so nobody could use it as a bathroom anymore) and then sunned the rest of the afternoon. No atmosphere, I am most definitely gonna get skin cancer. Oops. I am now slightly uncomfortable due to sunburn, but whatever. It's not actually that bad. Skipped church for that :x Then we went to this SAGE dinner thing at Seto's and that was really fun too... I am a GLOBAL AMBASSADOR!!! Isn't that neat?!?! I can get paid to do presentations about my experience, which I was gonna do anyways, and even get GAS MONEY to do it in other TOWNS!!! Oh baby I am excited!!!! AP's and IGCSE's start this week and I haven't studied. Seriously, I have never actually been in danger of doing badly on a test before, and now when it goes on my college transcript I am seriously in danger of failing - the US History exam. I hate the textbook, it's so dense we only had time to do like a third of it, and my teacher has had typhoid for the past month. Poor Miss Humm. And now I gotta go to math. Mr Anderson, here I come. (Love him...)

A belated Holi to all of you! Holi is a Hindu celebration of fertility and summer (though by no means is it summer yet – it was supposed to snow yesterday, and running around barefoot, bare-armed, and soaking wet was really interesting…). It’s just about the only holiday we get to celebrate here outside our own religion, which is not surprising because I can see riots and strikes breaking out if we didn’t get to play… The people of cities and towns and villages nation-wide spend this exciting holiday throwing colored powder and water at each other, at random passersby, smearing it into their victims’ hair and skin and clothes… We didn’t get the day off because the residents get all riled up about the holiday and it’s a liability issue and all that jazz, but we got to play with the other kids at Hansen Field instead. In morning assembly Raghav, Arushi, and Rahul acted out the story for us, in all their Indian dress. It was hard to understand, but Rahul was Raghav’s father, got jealous of him, tried to have Arushi kill him… So Arushi set Raghav on fire, he called out to Krishna to save him, and Arushi and Rahul burned to death. Something along those lines… Anyways, we ran down to dorms after school and changed quickly into our new white (see-through) Woodstock T-shirts. Katie and I were convinced it would become a wet T-shirt contest, because apparently usually they only play with water… But we got down there and the first red and pink and yellow powders made our clothes look like fire. Prateek abruptly ruined that image by drenching us all with blue-green water, dousing the fire with a muddy forest all down our shirts. By the end my jeans (the only ordinary pair I had left) were frozen to my thighs, I wore a pink masquerade face and sported yellow-pink-red-purple-green hair, and I couldn’t move my fingers out of cold. I don’t have to tell you anything else, but I’m sure at least Kat and Alice will guess, and probably Ashley… :p Carly left her mark on the white wall outside Midlands while we used up all the battery power on Katie’s camera. When we couldn’t take the cold anymore, we tracked colored mud all through the dorms to take lukewarm showers before dinner. The water swirled down the drain in purple-black rivulets and overflowed into the corridor, each shower leaking its own color: the first green, second pink, fourth orange, fifth black, sixth yellow-brown… Slowly we trickled into the dining hall, tinted different colors and laughing from the high. Katie and Nicole’s faces were blotchy green, and Katie still has pink hair this morning; I have a green neck, pink face, green and red hair, mottled green and pink hands and arms… Elias looked like the green goblin. The little skin-lines on my knuckles and around my fingernails are little rivers of pinky-red stain. Even my underwear is tie-dyed pink and blue and orange :x You know what that means… And then, to make it all better, today is Career Day for the juniors with the distinguished alumni. We have to look like respectable young adults in our “business formal wear” failing to conceal our guilty painted hides…

Well, a lot of stuff has happened lately; beginning of semester is kinda over and we're getting into the swing of a freaking exciting lifestyle. Hah. I finally found a good church last weekend; (un)fortunately that's not all I found, but the other thing is not necessary to say here because it could cause some problems... But whatever. It rained last Sunday too, and that was amazingly cool. I haven't heard good rain in the morning in SO long... Anyways, last night was - no, you didn't guess it - Interactive Grease Night. You know what that means: my friends and I go all out dressing up and running through dorms asking for black flats for hours in advance; and then we go way too early and run around the boys' dorms for 15 minutes getting pumped for the movie; we sit down in the front row and sing really really loud, itching to dance, and finally in the last song Bani gets up and pulls me and Joey up cuz we're always ready and willing, and we dance swing and get prizes for "attempting to jive" and for singing loudest, and almost got best costumes, too, but insisted that somebody else get it. Tsering looked soooooo cute in her dress... I love the fifties. So anyways, Joey and me got Mr Monty to play our song one more time, and got into dorms fifteen minutes late, which would normally mean gating, but since we had so much fun we got Mr Monty to give us a note, and we got out of it. And then... We threw a party. With our non-alcoholic champagne and our pizza-flavoured Pringles, and the rest of my fun-sized Snickers, and Trail Mix. Mmmmm... And the Grease sdtrk, of course, even though now Joey's vowed not to listen to it again for 2 months... It was great. And we looked soooo hott... :x That whole day was kinda weird, actually... Joey straightened my hair and it was soooo long!! It was supposed to be prep day, but Mhabeni said I turned out looking boho. Haha, as usual... And Joey also sang in Assembly, crazy crazy good, man. This is where the fun in our room starts. At lunch I suggested bunking History, because we'd have Geddes and it wouldn't be any fun, yet we wouldn't get anything done either. But the other kids were like "No, we should just see, maybe it won't be so bad..." But Geddes is the ultimate fun-sucker. So it was. And then in RE Katie and me got so bored watching the awful movie that we braided our hair together, and walked around like that until after tea. It's become our Friday tradition to find a new and exciting way to hook ourselves together. Last week we tied our feet together and hobble-jogged to Cozy before class night, which was also incredibly fun... And next week we're belting our belts together and walking around joined at the hip. I think we were meant to be Siamese twins or something... :x Hehehehe... Well anyways, today there's a book fair, and Lucinda is OB. He was all trying to scare me yesterday with how all he does when he's OB is walk around the hillside in the middle of the night, and how sometimes tourists chop people up who do that... But I didn't get scared until it was too late. No, he didn't get chopped up yet, or I didn't find out about it... But I didn't express concern. I suppose that was his goal, though, so maybe it's better for me to be like pssshhh... Haha. My train of thought is sooo screwed up...