hey all..... not too much goin on, it's friday night and erik's got all the guys downstairs playing halo 2.... and i guess they're all staying the night... so yeah. i could go down and join them right now if i wanted, but i really don't feel like it. right now, under normal conditions, i'd just say i'm bored and be done with it.... but there's more to it. or perhaps the right choice of words would be.... there's less to it. something just doesn't fit. i mean... the only thing there really is for me to do right now is go to sleep... but i feel like if i do, i'll be leaving something undone, something that after today i can never go back to. i can't put my finger on what it is... but something's missing. and if i don't sit here typing then i'm gonna sit zoned out in front of the tv or at my desk, pen in hand, the blank paper in front of me reflecting my deepest thoughts as sure as a mirror shows you your own face.... staring back at you... showing you what you really are... yeah, i'm definitely feeling darkly poetic right now, yet if i tried to write anything with meaning right now, i'd get nothing... ironically enough....... nothing can exist without its opposite, and my heart is definitely my mind's opponent tonight.... yet..... i feel nothing. my heart is full of half-thoughts, feelings, and truths. and i'm too weary, or perhaps bored and lazy, to sort them out. what's a girl to do? why must people always want that which they cannot have? perhaps i'll find the answer... when i learn, no matter what state i am in, to be content. *sigh* enough of my useless contemplations. i will see you... in the next life... The Missing post script......... Why is it that every time i feel like this, every song just makes it worse? And why is it that three hours later, i'm still sitting here? ......