hey all, just got home from band. blah. it was right after school today, and i have P.E. 8th period. which i can live with. at least i don't have it 3rd.... *yawn* so tired................................. and it doesn't matter if i get two hours of sleep, 12 hours, 8, it don't matter. i'm still exhausted all the time... i come home from school and drag myself around to do what i have to, and then i crawl in bed and lay there for an hour wishing i could just sleep, then i wake up and, with extreme effort, drag myself out of bed, and almost fall asleep in classes. *sigh* so yeah. but i'll live, i guess. so yeah, i guess geena saw jacob last night, and he was like "so how's band going without me" and she told him it was okay, but she told me she wanted so bad to be all "it's a heck of a lot better without you" which is true, but he was still a good drum major. he just threw hissy fits every now and then, and got mad for no reason... and... okay i think you get my point. *sigh* i've been thinking about him a lot lately... it bugs me that things aren't resolved. but to be honest, i don't want to talk to him. maybe it's not so much that i don't want to as i feel like i just can't. and i don't know why. i keep thinking about how the next time i see him, the next time i attempt just one more time to talk to him, then maybe, just maybe he'll smile at me, and he'll answer. but... it hasn't happened yet, and anymore, i see him and have no desire to even try. i..... i loved him, with all my heart. i fought to keep him like my life depended on it. and it did. life as i knew it ended that day, and it hasn't been the same since. i know i don't love him anymore. i don't even know him anymore. if anything, i just love the memories. but... it still leaves a huge black hole in the middle of everything. i thought i was doing okay. i really did. but now i'm starting to think that i was just in denial. and it hurts to think about it. it just flipping hurts. still, i don't know if it's ever going to be resolved. i'm not even sure i want it to be. maybe i'll just forget about it one day, or maybe i'll wake up one morning and be okay. *sigh* but nothing's rational, so i shouldn't be spending all this time trying to rationalize something so irrational. the sky is beautiful today........ random quote of the day: It's just another reason why it all comes down to you and I.... Cora