Hi, this really is bothering me.
I have no clue why though.
..
maybe it's the fact that he lied to me.
or maybe it's the fact that he knew everything he was saying when we were together.
and he's saying ..
" I was drunk. "
[ insert more lame excuses here. ]
I feel bad, because now there's nothing
I didnt want it to stoop that low.
I cant just IM him and ask him to hook up, things dont work randomly like that.
he approached me the first time, and I cant just approach him.
approaching people makes me uncomfortable.
it's outside my feel good barrier.
[ I remember someone told me that from 8th grade, then I started crying. ]
..
Oh, and the other wierd thing is how everyone I know, noticed the fact that my hickey was in the shape of a ♥.
how is something like that not wierd.
and my horoscope said something about my love dates and im finding love on the 12th of may.
[ the 12th of may was last friday when I was with Nick. ]
and it was raining that night, almost every song i've heard since was about rain.
i'm thinking all of this is a little wierd.
maybe something good could come out of all this, someday.
but I highly doubt it.
when he said
.. " i'm not going back out with her "
i cryed.
..edit.
take back every word you said, because I can barely breath.
currently listening: penny & me. - hanson.
Jesica sort of lied to her mother so I could go to price chopper because someone works there.
okay, he works there.
and I didnt see him inside, but today he had cart duty.
seeing him made my heart smile a bit.
and my eyes tear up a bit.
he has a way of making me feel a lot of things at once.
i've never felt that way.
but I dont like him, i've convinced myself I dont like anyone.
but maybe i'm convincing myself so much that I dont realize the fact of how much he means to me..
I cant like him, nothing good comes from it.
..
oh, he kept looking at me.
today he recognized me.
I wonder what he was thinking, I wonder if he was thinking that he broke a girls heart.
or that he was sober when he said
he liked me.
and that he wished he could wake up next to me.
and how when he got home from work, he asked where I was.
what about the kisses, big and small.
they mean something.
or at least they mean something to me.
Oh my, i'm sounding like I like him.
do I really? ..
..editagain.
so here, I am i'm trying.
currently listening: always - blink182.
i've came to some decent conclusions while I went tanning, 15 minutes in a stand up makes you think.
I came to the conclusion i'm not made for relationships / boyfriends.
i'm made for all the other perks.
[ flirting, kissing, touching, etc. ]
i'm always going to be dubbed into the " friend zone " and that's where i'm destined to stay, until I get out of this town and find someone worth my time.
and I think I like this kid, but not really. i'm trying not too I really am.
Oh, and i've decided i'm attracted to assholes.
it's not an observation, it's a fact.
the worse a guy makes me feel, the more I want to be with them and be there for them and I put my whole life into someone that treats me horribly.
it's just how it happens with me.
I think I kind of like him for that reason
but i'm going to wait, and try again with it and see what happens.
I dont want to let this go, yet.
this should be my last edit for tonight.
unless something GOODgoodGOOD happens.
which I doubt will.
peace. ♥.
It's me, jes' friend. (Kirsten) You know me...bye