I’ve got a feeling it’s not the safest place to start. This heavy breathing, it seems, we’re better off breaking hearts. ♥ From the beginning, dulled down and lost with all its charm. I just wanna wake up, wake up in someone’s… I just wanna wake up. I just wanna wake up in someone else’s arms.

I hate this layout. but i can never change it. I will, eventually. anyway, Andrew likes me. I like him. :] its amazing. but we can't even talk to eachother. it succccccks. :/ I don't know. fdljgkrklgrwkl.

I hate this layout. but i can never change it. I will, eventually. anyway, Andrew likes me. I like him. :] its amazing. but we can't even talk to eachother. it succccccks. :/ I don't know. fdljgkrklgrwkl.

I hate this layout. but i can never change it. I will, eventually. anyway, Andrew likes me. I like him. :] its amazing. but we can't even talk to eachother. it succccccks. :/ I don't know. fdljgkrklgrwkl.

I am feeling better. I know now what my feelings are toward Clay, I figured it all out. I can't waste my feelings on someone who doesn't care, he might have at one point. & I messed that up. But there's no point in putting my feelings out there. & getting hurt. Im done. I need to just move on.

Blue eyes. Black hair. Straight. Shaggy. I want one. To wait for me. No rush. Just love. Tells me, Not that I'm 'hot', But that I'm beautiful. And how he wishes our moments would last forever. Holds my hand. Holds my waist. Holds me close. Brings me flowers just because he wants to. Calls me for no apparent reason. Shows up unexpected. Knows how to make me laugh. Thinks of me before anything else. Writes me cute notes. Writes me cute songs. Helps me when I need it. Doesen't care who sees us together. Tells me that if he could, He'd give me the moon. Holds me when I'm cold. Holds me because he wants to. Tells me hes the happiest he's ever been when he's with me. Won't hurt me. Won't break my heart. Won't avoid me. Won't leave me. What I want; Something real. Real boy. Cute boy. Real love. Nothing else. Come find me. im fucking pathetic. if you haven't noticed.

Im downloading underoath's new cd. im sorry I cannot wait for it too come out. :] RIP ASHLEY & MY friendship. I guess it doesn't really matter to me. it's not my fault she got pissed off just because I told Alyssa she likes Frank. BIG DEAL. if someone is going to end a friendship over that then whatever. Jordin, found out she likes frank. and he's wicked upset. & I don't even know how to be there for him, because everytime i say something..anything.. he flips out. it makes me sad. :/ I dont need anymore friendships to get fucked over. especailly ones that mean a lot to me. I tried to fix things with Ashley. but. she wont accept my apology or anything. so I pretty much give up on that. behhhh.

Youve got your airplane And I've got the plain air of here You're gone and I've gone insane Oh when will you reappear But I'm just some new kid Who can't get her mind off of you And I know that it's stupid Cause youve got hawaii And I've gotten no letters from you I should stop whining Cause its only been a day or two... I don't know what you did But you got me to fall for you I know its stupid Your families rad and I Wish that they were here today Thousands and thousands of miles away I felt so bad when your mom Caught us eating ice cream in your Room at three in the morning 'Cause id hate for her To not want me around her son cause my heart stops everytime ♥ Youve got polaroid And you even know how to rhyme Id be overjoyed If we could just hang out sometime I don't know what you did But you got me to fall for you And I know that its stupid But you know that I try Your drawing's rad and I Put in on my wall and I made Sure it wouldn't fall cause if it did My straw wrapper might tear And there would be no knot and I would Feel like id been shot right through the heart And id fall apart but id remember how My heart stops everytime You are so special I just hope that we can be friends I'll wait forever But I guess that it all depends On you and yours So come on and dance with me Cause you are so special I hope that this makes you smile And you might stay that way for a while Cause you deserve every grin that you get And you'll get em a lot from me I like him. :] yesterday was a blast. megan and me were all over amsterdamn. and we seen seth dunn. talked to him for a bit. gawd i miss that kid. :]

Pronunciation: "in-di-'sI-siv Function: adjective 1 : not decisive : INCONCLUSIVE 2 : marked by or prone to indecision : IRRESOLUTE 3 : not clearly marked out : INDEFINITE - in·de·ci·sive·ly adverb - in·de·ci·sive·ness noun yeah, I guess I'm not feeling indecisive. .. Im going to amsterdamn tonight. to do an old wednesday routine with the BFFL. :]

Needless to say, Clayton & me didn't hang out last night. =/ It was my fault. I played it all out in my mind. I dont think i could be alone with him. I dont know. i mean i do want to be alone with him. wow. i hate myself. He was being a jerk about it too. He said I bailed on him. I didn't. I canceled. I COULDN'T GO. this is really upsetting me. =/ eh.

I think i like him. & we're hanging out tonight. but i think i made a mistake with whom i invited. I dont think anything is going to happen. maybe if it was just me&him. but he won't now, not with them there. =/ All I really want is to be with him. but i think its going to be a little more uncomfortable then if it was just me and him. beh.

well aint it a shame when the rain falls down and ruins your party this thirty percent chance just turned into a cloud over my head ♥ ♥ ♥ well it must be nice to be wrong all the time and never be criticized to come in the next day and commit the same crime - - and these unforseen actions intervene ♥ I'm superrrr ahead in computers, so I'm going to write about nothing. :] Andrew. I want to say something so bad. but I cant think of the right words. Jordin. seems more like a good friend, & I think i'm just confused. :/ because he's a cute friend. yeah..we're just friends. & Im fine with that .. Striking fear, into my head Scared and timid.. i couldn't do this ♥♥

last night was more then amazing. it was unbeilievable. Jordin was there. We both acted the same. No awkward silences. No hiding any truths ♥ Alyssa was there. she wants to end "this". i think we did. & I had to hear it from Jordin. He's like "you ditched me for her." excuseeeeee me, Im not that immature. I can get over this. & he should too.. well I guess he has reasons not too. honestly, I only liked 3 out of the five bands. Chiodos, Lorene Drive, & Number 12. I got a Lorene Drive shirt. and Jordin got the same one. it was meant to be. I know it's not. :[ CHIODOOOOOOOOOS was super. I screamed my lungs out. I met Radley & Derrick, again. I HAD A LOT OF FUN. I should probably start writing my report for computers. :X

Chiodos is tonight. flippin excited.

Ashley told Jordin, I liked him. Im kind of mad, but I got megan to straighten the whole thing out. :] which is good, because i dont want him to be all weird around me. urgh.

& I can't take it anymore. Well, let’s start with this weekend. Friday, was super boring, I got dragged to some car show with the mom & dad. I seen Conrad and TJ. & avoided eye contact. Saturday was super. I went to the AMS for a show. No Second Chances was playing. I went with Brittany, but pretty much ditched her as soon as I seen, Megan, Jordin, Brittknee B, and my other friends. :] I know I know. I’m a bad person. Believe me I felt guilty. : / Boxer Brown played first, I can’t stand them, so Ashley and me walked around the school. We went into the men’s bathroom and I took peektuh’s of her standing by the urinals. It was funny, then we went into the girl’s bathroom and Ashley completely trashed it. :] oh man, I luh her. When D.I.A played, we grabbed Jordin and made him come to the “thing” with us. I can’t say what it is, just that it’s a thing. : ] lmao, yeah we played Frisbee and then Ashley was chasing Jordin around because he had her purse, he was bringing out the girl in him, I guess. Then we went back and D.I.A was still playing, we stuck around for most of it, but completely missed the band that played after them. >___truth Not the full truth anyway. I watched No second Chances, because their amazing. :] At the end of the show I snuck of with Ashley and Jordin. I didn’t want Brittany to see me. Jordin needed a way home and I wanted to be the one that brought him. So I argued with my mom for a good thirty minutes before she gave in. :] I talked to Brittany, and as far as she knew, I was staying at Ashley’s. Even tho, it was obvious that I wasn’t because Ashley left & It was just Jordin, Brittany and me but it wasn’t long before Jordin and me started walking. Eventually my mom came. She wasn’t as mad as I thought she’d be. I just feel bad, that she had to lie for me. Oh well. Hah yeah, so my mom dropped of Jordin and I got out of the car to hug him. :] And he was like “see you tomorrow.” & I thought my heart was gonna melt. :] Sunday, I went to GHS to watch some play, Annie get your gun. Jordin’s brother was in it. : ] So cute. When intermission came, I seen Jordin. I tried talking to him.. But it was awkward because my mom, her friend and Brittany were all standing around. Gee, don’t that get it. I obviously didn’t want them to be there. I didn’t really get to talk to him, needless to say. Yeah. The bell’s gonna ring so, im cutting it short. :]