Why am I shutting down already?

I mean, he's already gotten further than anyone else, but I don't feel like it already, it's too much effort, and I don't want it and that's retarded because I bitch all the time about exactly this and now I have a shot, I think, because he called even though I'm functionally retarded and stupid and a total tool and ignore his calls.

Christ I am so broken sometimes, it's unbelievable.

But it's so much effort and I just want to stay at home and be nerdy as hell.

~Katie