wow been awhile since i updated....right now i'm wondering if love truly is worth the trouble....Ryans mum is causing sooo much trouble for us that I dont kno what to do.....I dont think its rite she's makin ryan's life miserable because of me....I'm tempted to break things off and vanish to make his life easier.....I love him more then anything and I dont want any harm to come to him. Part of me wants to let go so his mum will be happy ya kno...gawd I want to get away but my heart wont let me.......He told me today on the fone that he's surprised his mum hasnt made him break up with me.....I dont kno what I wuld do if I got that fone call....I'd prolly have a helluva time controling my voice....who the fuck am I kidding...I'd have a break down......I kinda am half expectin it cuz his mum is puttin a lot of pressure on him and I can hear the strain in his voice when the topic comes up......I love him....he's the onli reason I'm around rite now......I noticed as the stress builds of the possibility of us breaking up and not even makin it to our 1 month anniversary i'm beocming more suicidal and I dont plan on telling him......I cant it would hurt him......Yeah if we break up tho I dont think i'll be able to smile anymore or stop cutting......we break up......then i'm giving up and will kill myself by the 3rd week...no wait if we dont make it to our 1st month annivarsary then I'll do it on that day....April 22nd.....i hope we dont break up in the mean time......I hate myself rite now.....for loving him....and making his life hell