Press that blade down hard and deep...... Watch the crimson seep Freedom from life salvation recieved with the knife A suicidal's dream A survivors nightmare it would seem Wake up to the blissful silence Quivering death Awaiting for what we've waited for Is it nothing.....or more? Onli one way to find out Press Deep and fast Life won't last Over and done Death has won

ugh i'm a horrible girlfriend, I'm such a bitch. yet Ryan stays with me.....I wonder why. I mean today i find out damming evidence that Pris wants to break us up and he doesn't expect me to be pissed, n then he gets pissed because my friends are protective! OMFG excuse me dear......When you're not around....my friends protect me....Proven fact: Chicks do not like their bfs havin chick friends.....especially obsessed preppie obnoxious bitchy 13yr olds! ugh I wish He'd understand me but he doesn't........damn I love him so much....goddammit i dont want to fuck up the best thing in my life....i always do......I want this time to be different. dammit i dont want to fuck up....Im cursed....he says its him...but its me.....I'm like a plague. I destroy everything.......i've destroyed myself....yet i havent died yet grrrr.... I hate life....but love love..... -AMP-

I swear to fucking god some people are onli alive because it is illegal to kill them......I want to slit antonio's throat and put his balls in the blender and make him eat them! Gawd. he's such a fucking jackass, trying to interfear in my love life once again. I think he loves the fact that he controls when i see Ryan. And i fucking hate it. He can liek honest to god kiss my ass. I fucking defended him last week when my friends wanted to kick his ass and I said no b/c he was liek a little brother to me. I defend him all the time. But now? Hey fuck him he can just fuck off. I'm not gonna act nice to him. I'm tired of his bullshit. It's been over a year and i still put up with him. I can guarentee by the end of high skool i will not be talking to his ass. I have documented papers and convos of everytime he's pissed me off.....first two times He apolgized then I had to. And not by choice either. All because Ryan wanted me too....meh....fucking gay.....Then i told Ryan i would throw antonio to the wolves next time i got a chance, and he's liek well i would take his side even if its against you.....ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!! I AM THE GOD DAMN GIRLFRIEND!!!!! He should be on my side no matter what.....But hey then where do i rate? I don't even know anymore. Who knows If I mean anything.......Maybe he's just with me till he finds some one better. who knows anymore. Sometimes it's liek i dont even know Him.....He's changed....Is he even the Ryan I once knew? I'm so confused, I don't know anything. I should kill myself and get it over with......Dontcha think? 16yrs i think is more then long enough to decide if i want to live or die. Fuck college, fuck the future. I never had one and i never will. Maybe I am meant to die at this age and im just avoiding it.....goddammit why couldn't lolletta hit me hard enough to kill me? was death trying to tell me something by that attack? Liek come on and die already its your time? I reallii dont believe in ur name being in a book when its time to die. I think deep down we know when its time to die and we take fate into our own hands, when we ignore deaths call, onli then are we taken against our will......Maybe I should go willingly....Save myself the trouble and the person who assists in my death the grief. If I do it on my own then I am the sole one to blame....no one...else....just me....because it will have been done by my own hand... Whiskey Lullaby is a great song.....About love and suicide....ah...the two words that are constantly on my mind. Just liek the poem I wrote....funny how it always comes up.....like its about my life....well it pretty much is....Love and Suicide come together hand in hand. when you cant deal with the love b/c its hurting you, you just end it, so you can never be hurt again. Life is all about pain. How much we can endure is what determinds our life span....And I've yet to figure out how long mine is gonna be......Will my grave say 89-05 or 06? I dont know....and it scares me....before death was imminent....i knew it was coming, and that I would finally be able to rest for good.....And liek now im stuck living, struggling for breath....because life is hard for those who arent use to living for the future....its easier just to die for the day. And its so much harder for me to admit what i'm going through. Because I shouldn't be hurting. I'm in love....Why am I in pain then? I cant stand the way my brain is wired....fuckin drives me insane. LITERATTLY! GAWD DAMMIT......I FUCKING HATE MYSELF. I HATE EVERYONE.... fuck boys....i should turn lesbian....my life is damn near pointless. I lead a meek existance....breathing polluted air, taking up meaningless space.....Maybe i should make all my enemies happy and go die......Maybe I will.....Slash my wrists....write a letter to Ryan in blood and pass out in my own sorrows.....

wow ima gonna be 16 in 10days.....time is flying I've been writing in this journal for 2yrs now off and on. hard to believe i will make it to 16. I never thought i would live a day past 15.....and here i am..... I still want to slit my wrists and die sometimes....especially lately ive been having severe crying jags. I just keep thinking about Ryan....he's all i have.... -Suicidal failure-

gawd....another day I can't see Ryan....why am i not surprised? I'm so used to disappointment it seems....I miss him so much....i feel so lonely.....so depressed when i can't see him....onli time im ever happy is when i see him. I feel the walls are closing in on me again.....im falling....but will i be able to pick myself up again? I always wonder.....usually i can pick myself up and go on but i don't kno about this time. The depression is pretty severe and it scares me. I hate being a danger to myself, but i feel liek i have no control over it. Every time i've snapped its liek some other personality takes over. Its liek im watching myself from another place.....Disassociating i guess. and I reallii hate that. i always have. I wish Ryan was here....I always feel so safe with him. he truly is my angel.....at night when suicide is constantly on my mind.....i think of him and try to push the thoughts away. Life has always been 2 roads that cross a lot-Love and Suicide. to me....those are the onli two paths in life. months ago i decided to give love a chance, and i must say, its the best choice ive ever made in my life........after all....I met Ryan... ya kno last night i was thinkin. okay Antonio is a spoiled little bitch. its obvious he wants ry to himself because he's soooo posessive over him. Lauren says Antonio was the same way out there. Much as i hate antonio (and dear god trust me i do) i'd never make Ry choose between antonio and me. Because I realize Antonio is liek a brother to him.....and well....im just the girlfriend. I think chances are he'd prolly pick Antonio over me, because Antonio is his liek onli other good friend next to joey and he can hang out with them at any time and he can't hang out with me. so for the best....ill never make him pick....because...1. i dont want to lose him 2. i think itd just be wrong to make him choose liek that, gawd i have a killer headache.....can some one please just shoot me point blank? i'd reallii appreciate it!!!!! grrrness.... well i guess im done updating for now....im sure ill update later -former razor whore-

Anger looms my mind...Ryan getting jumped....FUCKERS!!! gah....I dont want him to ever get hurt....in a way I feel bad....if we hadnt fucked up...we woulda been able to chill this summer and he wouldn't have gotten jumped....everything is my fault. bad luck follows me whevere i go...just as death does yet he keeps his distance unliek the bad luck that creeps up right behind me......Why can't death follow me closer? Why cant I be hit by a car and killed...or in a car accident or something. Just anything. I want out of life to an extent. It's liek I want to die, but without hurting Ry. I love him so much.....I wanna spend my life with him......but these creeping thoughts of suicide are driving me insane. I don't kno what to do anymore.

well i am doing somewhat better in life. Although I am still having problems. I'm feeling trapped in life. Onli thing keeping me together is Ryan. I await his mom's verdict on whether he goes to south or not....I hope he does....otherwise my life is gonna suck 200x worse because everytime I walk down a hallway....ima miss him even more. I hope his mom will have some mercy. It's so hard to stay silent during times of extreme pain. I want to tell some one.....anyone who will listen. But I can bring myself to it. It's not in me to ask for help. I am the silently suffering one. Because I do not want to break my silence for fear of being put away. I have isolated myself from friends....but if I am isolated from everyone....I will definitly lose it. My depression during the summer is always bad....Ry's mom has made it worse. I can't wait for skool to start. It gives me some structure in my life....and I am in dier need of it..... I feel liek suicide is inevitble for me....I have dreams about living with Ryan....waking up to see him every morning....falling asleep in his arms....but after all they are just dreams. the thoughts about being doomed to suicide have taken over once again. I cannot help but wonder if that is my true fate. Am I fooling myself? I kno for a fact I Love Ryan more then anything...and if we weren't together I would be long gone. I dunno........I just Ryan....that seems to be the onli thing I am sure about anymore...... -Former Razor whore-

I am inching more and more towards insanity as the hours pass. I cannot control myself. I have such a urge to kill myself or to harm myself in any way shape or form. Im freaking out.....seriously its liek a bad tripp but i dont have ne drugs! overwelhmed feeling trapped....i feel liek pulling my hair out, my breathing is fucked up. I never asked to live this fucked up life.....I need to die...But I want to live and love ryan....gawd WTF is a confused scared girl to do?

Im losing the fight once again......Antonio controls when I see Ryan....I haven't seen him in 2wks! and possibly not for a month depending on Antonio. He won't let me talk to him. And he won't even talk to me. Im trying to be as nice as I can....and he blows me off......gawd....And then Ryans mom makes me feel liek i am nothing.....I want to kill myself. I want out. It's just that I Love Ryan. I don't want to leave him....It's just I can never see him. I would give anything to be able to see him. I feel liek im totally falling now.....Im crying right now....I wanna slit my wrists but I wont cuz I dont wanna lose Ryan. Ya kno....Antonio and Ry's mum control my life. Antonio basically controls my heart because he controls when I see Ryan. Ryans mom control's ryan. And ryan likes to hang out at places I could possibly get a job at....but I cant get a job there b/c then he won't be able to go there and I wouldn't do that to him.....Gawd WTF before I was a puppet to my emotions and now people are controling me...Along with the darkness slowly moving in and taking me over. I'm spending a lot of nights crying. I can't handle this anymore. I just want to be rid of the pain. I try to tell people I am hurting. It's not liek it used to be where I had the pain visible on my body. I can;t cut anymore. I can't do anything.....but sit and wallow in my pain. I've tried talking to Antonio.....I want him to realize I am hurting! I want him to tell Ryan. I want him to kno that I am slipping...I can't bring myself to tell him. everytime I see or talk to him I always sound and look so happy cuz I am at that moment....and then when its time to go...I just wanna break down and lose it. I just wanna be held and told everything will be ok. Ry always told me i could call if i ever needed anything....but 1. we're banned 2. his mum wuld pick up the line and call the cops. Some one just tell me it will be ok!!! I have no reassurance...Im sooo scared of myself rite now....and no one to talk to......No one can save me from myself....I will fall victim to the pain.......Ry can't save me this time....no one can....I am and always have been beyond help...Im afraid if I say anything Ry will kick me to the side.....I wonder if he still loves me? He prolly doesnt anymore.....thats why he hasnt talked to me...If I lose him....I lose everything....Gawd WTF I HATE myself......Either way I lose! No one can understand what I am going through. Not even I can understand yet. I am still figuring out my feelings. I kno I love Ryan wit all my heart....he was my strength.....but I don't see him.....seeing him once a week was enough to help me get thru the next week.....Itz been two weeks....my strength is mentally and physically drained. I can't fight anymore. I am just surrendering my mind...My heart will not give up...at all......But i am weakening day by day.....Im crying more....listening to suicide music....laying in bed all day....entertaining thoughts of my funeral. I wanna be laid out....they can rent a coffin....and then cremate me....throw me away....and go on with their lives. I never meant anything to anyone...I never touched anyone's life. I live a meek meaningless existance. Maybe I am doomed to commit suicide? Should I do it now? or try and deal and then do it when Its finally breaking....well never mind.,...I am breaking...I am broken....I am the broken winged angel who can no longer fly. Who can no longer Fly to the depts of happiness....to that cloud 9 i loved being on so much. My world collapses....and I am losing myself....I feel liek I am dying on the inside. Maybe I am already dead and these are just the aftershocks. I think i am dead. No lively human could feel pain this emotionally deep. I feel liek I am constantly being stabbed at by knives and words that cannot be seen. Every negative word kills me.....Ryans mom herself has done me in by hating me. I cant stand being hated by some one who i tried to be nice to. I am falling....falling into the darkness and the demons....they're grabbing on to me.....Help.....thats all i can say is Help.....I will never say it out loud. I smile everyday and pretend I am not dying on the inside. I distance myself from everyone except the 2 ppl i want to talk to and one cant and the other refuses. Maybe it's a sign saying...this is ur chance...get out now....they wont care cuz they wont have talked to you....I just can't do that to Ry tho...He'd be heart broken...well..i think he would anyways.....I dunno......I think I have out done my welcome on earth......I am ready to die...I just can't leave Ry...Gawd I am sooo fucking conflicted....I need to see Ry....I need to do something or my life will soon be short lived.....The happier you are...the harder you fall...I feel liek I have just hit a bed of sharp nails on concrete in hell.... I just kno....I can't last much longer.... May my Prince save me again....I can onli hope...... If I die and some one reads this....Tell Ry i love him...

wow been awhile since i updated....right now i'm wondering if love truly is worth the trouble....Ryans mum is causing sooo much trouble for us that I dont kno what to do.....I dont think its rite she's makin ryan's life miserable because of me....I'm tempted to break things off and vanish to make his life easier.....I love him more then anything and I dont want any harm to come to him. Part of me wants to let go so his mum will be happy ya kno...gawd I want to get away but my heart wont let me.......He told me today on the fone that he's surprised his mum hasnt made him break up with me.....I dont kno what I wuld do if I got that fone call....I'd prolly have a helluva time controling my voice....who the fuck am I kidding...I'd have a break down......I kinda am half expectin it cuz his mum is puttin a lot of pressure on him and I can hear the strain in his voice when the topic comes up......I love him....he's the onli reason I'm around rite now......I noticed as the stress builds of the possibility of us breaking up and not even makin it to our 1 month anniversary i'm beocming more suicidal and I dont plan on telling him......I cant it would hurt him......Yeah if we break up tho I dont think i'll be able to smile anymore or stop cutting......we break up......then i'm giving up and will kill myself by the 3rd week...no wait if we dont make it to our 1st month annivarsary then I'll do it on that day....April 22nd.....i hope we dont break up in the mean time......I hate myself rite now.....for loving him....and making his life hell

W00t Love kicks ass

wow.....i am sooooo clueless rite now its not even funnii...Spent the past 3 days in a row with Ryan and they've just wowed me.....I love actually being close to some one and talking and stuff. but i'm soooo scared. I'm not used to this relationship thing i mean we're not going out, heh ppl say we're the perfect couple n stuff but we aint goin out. But i'm soooo in the dark I don't know how he feels and I dont want to ask because i'm afraid of the answer. At his house friday he pointed out a pic of the girl that reallii likes him n I think he likes her cuz he said thats ur competition....and omfg she's drop dead gorgeous! Skinny pretty girl......So I don't think i stand that much of a chance. I feel myself falling in love with him and its just....i dunno....i'm sooo afraid that the fall will kill me. I dont let him kno but I been thinkin of suicide a lot lately. I can't help it....Feb 5th is when I had it planned and he knows it and he's been getting edgy since he still thinks I mite do it even tho I promised not to.....I'm seriously thinking about doing it on Valentines day.....I'm destined to be alone forever i realize that.....and i just cant handle life....I wasnt made to live.....I was made to die.... Love has and alwyz will be my down fall but I think this is it.....if this turns into more then a friendship maybe i'll stick around but i dunno.....i just want out now......I hate being in love and not knowing if he feels the same way.....i guess not.... Kill me please......

I'm bored waitin for Ryan

wow.......its been a good day n such...i got to hang at Ryans for 4hrs...yeah...heh i won't say what happened....nothing big.... I feel so bad rite now tho.....just want to die....Ryan is gettin to close and I don't like it...Honestly I want out......I have the perfect method.....to take or not to take....

These are the lyrics to my new background music.... "No One There" Sentenced The axe, the bottle and the rope The feeling there really is no more hope The thought of the great unknown And facing it alone The dark, the silent and the cold The feeling I have come to the end of my road Yes, these are the things I spend My remaining moments with And the wind blows through my heart Shivers me one last time As I now reach out in the dark No one there Why did it have to be so hard For us to live our lives Again I reach out in the dark in despair The desperation and the snow The feeling of finally coming back home The melancholy and the hole in the soil so hard and cold And the wind blows through my heart Shivers me one last time As I now reach out in the dark No one there Your love for me, my love for you Things we somehow managed to lose Now there´s only the ruthless wind To blow right through It freezes my heart, my desperate heart It freezes my heart, my desperate heart It freezes my heart, my desperate heart To think we both will die alone And the wind blows through my heart Shivers me one last time As I now reach out in the dark No one there

wellz been awhile since I updated...ummm Wednesday Ryan came over and we talked and played around and watched 3 porns....he had a boner like 3 seconds into the first porn....lol....I must say heh very Nice from what i saw.....and like he grabbed my digital camera because he hates havin his pic taken, so i was wrestling him n stuff it was fun I was actually tryin to get down his jeans heh his belt was loose. So at 4pm we went downstairs in the living room and were sittin on the couch and I pinned him just right that i could get my hands down his jeans...I ended up breakin his belt....lol.....tipped his dick few times with my fingers....if I woulda had 10more mins i woulda had him, N liek I found out my little girly powers work on him...hehe.......It turns him on. damn i'm good... Then thursday my dad screamed at me for having him over cuz no one was home...my mom kne he was over though....and then thursday my dad snapped on me and threw the computer on the floor and the cordless fone at me. and yeah I ended up breakin down crying.... And then yesterday Sara called me around 5pm wantin to kno if i wanted to chill with her and her pplz, and I was like nah i'll stay in tonight, kinda tired anyways. And she's like if Ryan were to hang out with us you'd come out and I was like yeah sure. I don't get to see him except for at skool so liek hell yeah if he were with her but he'd never hang out with her. Newyz she's like I'm your best friend and I was like ugh no i'm closer to Ryan and Antonio then you, and she's like well u've known me longer, I'm like ugh time doesnt matter its how much you trust them. i know I can trust Ryan with anything, he's proven to be a true friend. So long story short after screamin on the fone, i hung up. So then I called Antonio because I reallii wanted some one to talk to, I was on the verge of tears. And like Ryan was over there, so Antonio was actin like a little bitch callin me a whore n shit, and Ryan was like well I have to agree with him. So i got pissed and they hung up on me. So I curled up in bed thinkin of an excuse to go outside for an hr. it was like 3 degrees out and there was onli one place I wanted to be: Hanging at the forest preserve. I was tired, i didn't feel like dealing with ppl and the tears kept coming. I musta been lost in thought because the fone rang at 8 and it was Ryan. So i talked to him....and listened to him talk to himself. And then like I broke down and told him about the whole Sara thing and he was pissed that she brought him into it and stuff, and he was even more pissed when he heard me cryin, and like I told him I reallii wanted to kill myself n stuff, he's like if it werent so late I'd be at ur house comforting you. I thought that was so sweet. I opened up to him more then I've opened up to anybody. I trust him and he knows that. When he was over Wednesday he went through my MP3's and we were listening to Tim McGraw and I was like..."Please Remember Me" is the song I want played at my funeral....and I saw a few tears in his eyes....made me feel better knowing some one actually cares. I love him, reallii I do....But i'm afraid to tell him so i won't. right now he's the onli reason I'm hangin around. the fact he said if I killed myself that he'd probably lose himself in his own little world and never get close to anyone reallii bothered me....I could never do that to anyone.....especially some one I love. After last night, i realize some one cares.....and he won't betray me.....Guyz are better friends then chicks..... Wellz thats all thats up for now....

Wellz....Wow....long time no type. Has been a depressing few days.... I watched my guinea pig Butterscotch die a long painful dead this morning.....I felt so sorry for him...I cuddled him all night and listened to him cry.....made me cry.... He finally passed on at 1pm today RIP Butterscotch...... Miss you *cries* Li Dao will take care of him for me till I can get up there....I miss her too..... Xmas wasn't to bad....I got a 5 gig mp3 player so that made me happy....and OMFG...I cant believe my mom remebered....for the past 3yrs ever since Meijers started selling Harley Davidson Boots I've wanted a pair....they are sooo fuckin expensive and since i was so difficult to buy for this yr my mom bought me a pair....made my day....I been livin in my pjs I got...I got the cutest pair of panties! They say Libra all long the top and it has a rhinestone libra sign on the side....its so cute.... got a bunch of other junk but yeah...thats what i liked best..... it's been a interesting day.... My buddy was screwin with me this morning and made me feel better......Mah Aussie Snuff porn Actor...you kno who you are!!!! LOL..... I am gonna corrupt Ryan lol...... He reminds me of Allan tho which makes it all the more interesting.....Lemme explain.....Like when Ryan and me were talking about Suicide the one day....He's like..I never let my friends fall and I won't let you fall either. I'm like WHOAH.....Allan has said that....in Certain areas they're alike....ryan is a pyro as well.....But his parents are too fuckin strict....man just wait till they meet me...it will be great Dude our Air Hockey Table...My dad likes it more then us......It's been waxed so much....the phuck floats across one side to the other by itsself! lol....Dude my fuckin sis got a computer in her room with a DVD drive....Gawd that pissed me off.....She's fuckin 7!!!!!!! And she got a Gameboy! Plus a shitload of other stuff....Fuckin little cock suckin whore....grrrrrr I'm gonna make a new journal....This one is where I express whatever I feel and I dont give a fuck who reads the stuff here....lol.....Anyways.....I'm listening to sum music...I gotta DL some Sentenced....They're Lyrics kick ass..... Anyways TTYL Biker Bytch

*Stops to smell the flowers.......Skips along* hehe people at skool are liek so worried about me because I'm smiling a lot more.....Should they be worried? Onli i kno the answer to that one..... Ryan and his friends kept pointing and laughin at me durin Lunch yesterday.....they're like.....bunnii ears are for easter i was like.....I'm the Christmas Bunnii!!! lol...oh And Antonio's little perverted 10yr old friend has a crush on me.....i'm like wtf......Oh Crystal had that party yesterday.....course i couldn't go cuz I was grounded but liek...some one stole her cellphone and ate her goldish....was like OMFG thats hilarious..... *Cries* my friend hung herself last night..... RIP Li Dao....I miss her so much.....At least she has her peace....she was like my soul sister tho...She said she'd watch over me......*Sobs* times liek this I wish I wasn't so pro-choice on suicide...... I made this journal Public again.....but i wont be posting anything thats going on in my life that is depressing....wow....onli gonna be an entry a week then...lol....but seriously i dont want to hurt anyone or anything so it's just easier if none of you kno what i am thinking about or what I've tried.....

Take the quiz: "What Cutter Fits You Best"From Depressionyou cut because you hate life and you always get depressed from alot of things and cut to make it all go away Take the quiz: "Serial Killer Quiz"Charles MansonYou are a crazy psycho bastard, ohh you're intimidating and spooky. Take the quiz: "How truly depressed are you?"Suicidally DepressedYou are longing to kill yourself, you slit your wrists, not for fun, but because you want the world to see your pain Take the quiz: "How Will You Die(Brutal Pics)"Jump off buildingyou hate ur life and you want to die Take the quiz: "Are you really suicidal??"cant wait to dieyou really are suicidal, and i suggest that you talk to a close friend or a guidance councilor or teacher. believe it or not there are people in this world that would miss you if you died. :) Take the quiz: "How Are You Gonna Commit Suicide?"OdingYou will overdose on medications that probably don't belong to you. Take the quiz: "Your Psych-Ward diagnosis"Antisocial Personality DisorderDiagnosis: AntiSocial Personality Disorder, marked by the following: Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviours as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest. Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure. Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead, Irritability and aggressiveness, Reckless, Consistent irresponsibility, Lack or remorse, Indifference. Take the quiz: "The MOOD quiz! (With cool blinkies!)"Sleepyzzzz..zzz..zz. Yep, that's you all of the time. It's not your fault! You're just tired all of the time. Take the quiz: "What is your drug? (PICS)"ShroomsShrooms are a form of Acid. You get fucked up visions, usually a calm, almost out of mind affect. Does your life seem really slow or really fast? Lol. You like your drugs dirty and natural. Yay you.. Take the quiz: "Is Suicide Your Destiny?"Close to SuicideSince you are so depressed it is ideal in your eyes to die. I suggest you take my METHOD OF SUICIDE quiz Take the quiz: "Your Method of Suicide"DrowningYou wanna feel yourself ATTEMPT to gasp for one last breath...but you dont wanna actually take it. You would rather have water fill your lungs than have your blood rush out of you. If you are gonna drown...try to drown in warm water since you can be revived after drownin in cold water Take the quiz: "Are you obsessed with death?"ObsessiveMorbid poetry....blood...spike the vein...the works...death is nothing more than an inevitable end to the beginning in your eyes. Take the quiz: "Why do You Cut?"Out of RageYou cut out of rage. Rage for people, parents maybe. You probably stick the blade in and drag it through.

Psychiatric Christmas - SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented Are DEMENTIA: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas NARCISSISTIC: Hark, the Herald Angels Sing About Me MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and... PARANOID: Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me. PERSONALITY DISORDER: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you Why. BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: Thoughts of Me Roasting on an Open Fire. DEPRESSIVE: Silent misery, Holy misery, All is Flat, All is Lonely. SUICIDAL: God Rest Me Merry Gentleman PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me and then took it all away, so I pouted and then wouldn't talk for a week. I showed her. OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock............ Better, now...maybe one more time.