I am a total emotional mess. Thursday Morning at 3:30am Scott decided maybe we shouldn't talk anymore because he couldn't control his sexual urges. I almost snapped and ran for the pill chest, But instead I held back. I learned my lesson the last time I snapped. We worked things out but I realized a lot of things. If he gets suicidal again over something like this, I'm gonna tell him we need to break. I could careless if I commit suicide but not him. I won't have that. He's done so many good things with the web, He needs to continue on that. Me? I'm just some creature that exists for no reason. 2 days no sleep. I haven't ate since Wednesday and I don't want to. I cut so bad this morning that I was dizzy at school. I think maybe I cut to deep or something. I just really can't believe any of this has happened. I feel like I'm watching everything from the inside. I'm not the person that people think their talking to. It's as if there's some Alternate Personality that kicks in whenever I'm around people and then when I'm alone late at night, My real personality comes back. It sounds weird I know but thats just how it feels. Nothing makes sense to me tho. The Teachers tell me to do something and I just can't understand it. Like as if my mind can't process things. I come up with ways that make sense to me and they seem to only make sense to me. My friends look at me like I'm nuts because they don't understand my ways. It's weird. In the past few years I use to be able to do anything, My reflexes use to be really fast. Now I've slowed down and it's like my mind has deteroriated. I just know I'm lost and I feel so alone. I want to tell Scott how I really feel about him but I just can't something is holding me back. I hate being me. I hate this life.....