These are just a few of the poems I have written. I have over 350 in notebooks but i'll probably never type those up. So these are the few I have on my comp. Anyways. I know I have like sum posted already on here in entries but this is so i can have them on the net incase i ever lose the folder they're in.....They suck but oh well "new untitled" I'm afraid That you'll take away my blade It gives me a reason to live So my wrists I give As a sacrafice to the pain Think its insane? It helps me feel alive to survive Can't beat this thing Continueing to hang by a string.... "9-11" In September 11th, On that fateful day Many Americans were at work, or on their way When we saw the Twin Towers standing tall And Just a few hours later we saw them fall They hit the Pentagon, Our Nation's defense All these attacks just didn't make sense The people on flight 93 took their plane down in a field For the people that saw that, their scars shall never be healed America is beautiful, No matter how you look at her We thought she was Indestructible, And now we're not so sure America is now at war Our once clear skys is now where fighter jets soar Over three thousand people had to die Beneath the debris some bodies still lye Lets role! And chase those terrorists out of their hole! "Abortion" Anti-Abortion: What's all the fuss about So some mothers-to-be want out It's an American right So why do people try and fight If you were raped would you want the child? Or what if you got knocked up from being drunk and wild Would you still want the baby? Many say no and others maybe You Anti-Abortionists need to get off your high horses this time Cuz abortion isn't a crime "Acting" Playful girl With Big dreams She wants to take on the whole world Her Excitement just tearing at the seams Is this all Real? I wonder No, She's putting on an act, to hide how she feels She likes to sit alone and Ponder She hates being around others But she wants people to believe her act She feels like she's being smothered She tries to hide the Anxiety attacks No one Notices anything at all She just smiles and looks on Trying not to get to close to the edge, Where she could fall She tries to act like nothing is wrong She's gotten so good No questions are asked She can so easily switch her moods. For others it would be such a hard task Will someday, Some one discover her secret Lie? Probably not since no one has a clue She wants to keep it a secret till the day she dies No one Knows......Except now for you........ "Alone" I'm all Alone In a world of my own Where there's no one but me I can cut myself and be free You think it's all in my head But the truth is I wish to be dead The Voice says Drag the blade down..... I got my way..... I died today....... "America" America, The land of the free Many Women and Men died so that could be In Vietnam, Many men gave their lives Leaving behind their daughters, sisters and wives And Now today we're back at War If only we could imagine the horror We send these heroes to war just to die In the Battle fields, these Americans Lye The few that make it back Are left with scars and wicked Flash backs But many never make it home In the battle fields Their spirits roam Watching old glory wave America is the land of the Free and Home of The Brave "Another Night" Suicide dominates my thoughts This war called Life I have fought So many ways to go But pills work too slow Slitting your wrists is painful Chances are the knife is dull Hanging from a noose It'll probably snap from being loose Nothing ever goes right I guess I'll live another night "Anti- Government" America is not as free as it should be There are so many unfair laws That really don't have a cause Like on Justice some people get it light And it's just not right! The Government don't give a damn about anything Well they have another thing coming Because Americans aren't gonna take it anymore We, the people declare War Against you, The Government Well now you're not getting one cent We're sick of your scandals and sleeping around Then trying not to make a sound The government has no class You blood sucking bastards can Kiss My Ass! "Attack" It's that feeling again The Fear arises once more A cold sweat comes on Damn not that fear Please let me hide I want to be alone No One Touch me It's back All That Pain The Memories Please Make it stop Heart beats faster Starting to shake No more peace Eyes dart back and fourth Searching for a place People all over Can't run The Nightmare has just begun "Battles" I've won the Battles But lost the war I don't want to live anymore I can't go on I've suffered for too long To much Depression and Pain It's hard to stay sane I don't want to live So my life I give It's time for me to go I won't be missed I know Because You Don't care And Life Isn't Fair "Best Friends" Week 1- Humor and Games Week 2- Nicknames Week 3-Email friends Almost 2yrs later it still does not end A friendship stronger then that of steel It's actually real Talking on the phone Keeping each other company when Alone Sharing Secrets About Life, Love and regrets Talking heart to heart, Giving advice Encouraging each other to keep up the fight Being together through the ups and downs Cheering each other up when one has a frown Luck? Destiny? Fate? I think the answer can wait All I know is this will forever Last Because of the Future and what's in the past Friends always True Remember I Love you "Birds and love" Love is like a dove Sometimes it can dive straight down It's sudden with no sound it spirals down....Then Surprise! It will again rise Love, like a bird can fly Both of their limits is the sky "Blank" No feeling at all Just Totally Numb No Thoughts, Just Blank Breathing, Nothing More No Movement Sitting still as a rock Hearing things around Still no feeling Totally weird Half Conscious state Still here or not? Don't know No idea Just Blankness and Numbness Waiting for the feeling to return Will they ever? "Blue Angel" I'm An Angel of emotions They come like waves from the ocean I can feel happy, crazy and depressed Relationships often have me stressed I'm a Blue Angel left to wander the unknown I wish the darkness would leave and let the white light be shown I'm just left on this earth to be hurt by man It's like a desert, where there's no where to run, just miles of sand I'll be left on this planet for years to come It's just a giant slum Suicide is no better then life That's why people try and end it with a knife But we will all stay in this man-made hell We are all Angels that have fell Here I am again.....A Blue Angel for ever Eternal life ends.......Never "Broken Heart" There are no words for the broken heart For when 2 people fall apart Love doesn't last It's long but ends fast When your true love leaves Tears start a stream and your sides heave It seemed Magical at first But turned out much worse It ends just as fast as it began But after awhile you'll learn to love again "Cancer" Cancer, a word many dread to hear It effects millions every year This illness takes so much strength to stay alive The Victim must have the will to survive Even during remission The victim feels insecure Everytime you get sick, You're unsure Wondering if it's back To make it's final attack Before the cancer life was just a game But now you'll never look at life the same You look at things in a differnt light Always keeping in sight The good things in life Like your kids, friends, and wife Your dreams kept you going The Positive energy flowing So many times you wanted to give in But you kept going......Fighting to win You won but you still can't live your life at ease Since a cure hasn't been found for this disease Even though you're back in control You still don't feel whole There's something missing that can't be replaced With a fear of cancer you can't erase You continue to go on Knowing this batter has made you strong "Charlie" My name is Charles Manson And there is no wrong I have done People only followed what I said I never programmed it into their head I never killed anyone I've never even seen that gun Yet in this cell I sit Listening to the Media's Bullshit I still dream about the ranch, My home Death Valley is where I wish to roam Helter Skelter is coming Whether you know it or not Soon you'll all be dead, Left to rott My Followers are Plenty And their deeds Many People are killed everyday Since Squeaky has gotten her way Think I'm saying nothing. Just remember Helter Skelter is coming.......... "Colors" Red, White and Blue What do these colors mean to you? To me they mean Freedom, Justice and Rights And for this we're willing to fight 2yrs ago over 3 thousand Americans died And the entire nation cried Now here we are Thursday September 11th 2003 Yet those images we continue to see Only now we think of 9-11 as a day of great heroism And Patriotism On this day Let the American colors shine through Be Proud to wear the Red, White and Blue "Courage" Asking for the Courage to press down Wanting to rid myself of the Pain The Room is quiet, No sound I think I'm going Insane Pushing the Blade deep A Line appears The Blood starts to seep C'Mon I pray, Let this be the end But I don't think it's deep enough Pressing it down again I'm trying to be tough Making One more cut, The Blood starts to run Pushing the Blade aside I say to myself, That's it, I'm done This is my suicide "Creature" What Creature am I? Many people ask themselves why Why has this curse been laid upon thee? But you shall see Fore' You ask what purpose am I to serve To severe your last nerve? No I am here to rule this hell Tis to me your soul you shall sell You are a creature of no worth Welcome to this hell on earth You all have so much to learn Before Satan makes his return Ave Satanas "Daddy" Another night spent crying Thoughts of dying Feeling so bad Depressed & sad I use to bitch about how much you made my life hell Like the time you were drunk and fell And everyone saw, or the time you got pissed An tried to hit me but you missed How you made me feel like i was nothing The hell and suffering I would sit in my room and think about how I could kill you But yet I was to afraid to All those nights I wanted you to keel over and die I told myself I would never cry How I wish I could take it all back Yeah there was a lot you lacked But you are only human, Yeah you could be a prick But now that you're sick I think of all the fun stuff Like the wrestling, playing rough or sneaking into other movies for free Or like at the Eagles concert when it was just you and me It's those memories that I hold dear The ones I keep near I just can't help feeling that i'm the reason your ill Maybe it's god's will... I dunno I just feel so confused and scared Yes My soul is being bared This is how I truly feel I just wish this all wasn't real I want it to be a bad dream It would appear to be it seems But it's all really going on damn this is just so fucking wrong If there is a god....Please don't take my dad away Leave him on Earth to stay Yes sometimes I say That i wish he were dead I wish I could take back those things I said But please please......Don't let my daddy die You ask why? Because I love him so I don't give a damn if the whole world knows!!! Just please leave my daddy hear with me I swear I'll act better, You'll see Just please...Leave my daddy with me.... "Death" Life Can Come and Life Can Go You never know When your time will end And you have to leave behind family and friends You may not want to But it's something you have to do When your name is called You Can No longer stall Some one takes your hand and leads you into the unknown Where everything you will be shown Whatever awaits us on the other side From it, You Cannot Hide Everyone will miss you, But they Know you'll be watching from above And You can still show them your love By Leaving little signs For them to find Something to show you're still there Just to show you care No one wants to say good bye But in the end we all die "Die" I want to die I want to escape I'm calling my fate Before it's too late I asked for help, But no one seems to care Life Isn't Fair It's a horrible fate thats true I'm dying because of You You pushed me too far, And I can't go on I know what I'm doing is wrong There's no tomorrow and no more today You'll be next in line And soon we'll meet Good bye and Amen My life must end "Different" Why do I feel different from everyone? Why do I have the feeling to run? I want to hide from this world of Hell I feel as if I'm locked in a small cell Where I can't do anything at all I just sit and stare at the wall The simplest things distract me That's not how things use to be Why Can't my soul just be free This disease has made me hide my true Personality I want to feel the thrill of being alive Instead of having to report to the knives They make my life worth living for But they also make my life a living horror If only I could stop these feelings from coming But pills won't do a damn thing So I guess I'll find another way To keep these feelings at bay "Disguise" I feel so ashamed of myself People tell me what to and What not to do I hate being bossed around People look at my scars and frown They say things behind my back like She's a freak, Or She's a fucking lunatic These things aren't true Just Because I cut myself Doesn't Mean I'm psycho You don't understand my reasons for these wounds I've been pushed as far as I can go I've been called as many names as I can handle There's only so much one can take Before they break From the Pressure When things get hard I try to stand tall But in the end I run for the pills and razors They're my comfort, My reason to live Without them I surely would have died by now Even though I've tried I always manage to fail But each day brings a new chance and new problems There's not much I can do to fight this saddness My razors keep me from complete Madness I'm on the brake wall line Just because I laugh, smile and act like everything is okay Doesn't mean it really is I lie and cheat to get people to believe me So I won't get caught When I'm cheery That means I have a suicide plan When I tell jokes that means I'm depressed When I'm sad, I'm actually thinking of Murder-suicide When I'm mad, I totally hate myself See these moods I have They're different from yours Please Respect my wishes to die I have always Respected you Just leave me alone now My letter is done Good bye cruel world "Dreams" In my heart You'll always stay Even though We're Hundreds of miles away Sometimes I get lonely because you can't be here But I can always feel you near Miles cannot and never will come between us two Because of the love and special connection I share with you It's strange, But in my dreams, It's you I see Like you're always there with me When we talk on the phone I no longer feel alone You're voice is so calm and laid back There's nothing you lack You know how to cheer me up When I'm feeling Blue By Just saying I Love You It sounds silly but it's true How these three words Mean the world To me I wish you could see How much Joy and laughs you bring When you play Guitar and sing Even though You know you can't sing a note or like When you read that poem you wrote That didn't even Ryme But what counted is you took the time It's the little things that mean so much With your personal touch I know you're the one I want to be with for Eternity Just you and me It's a dream I think about late at night Is it really a dream, or psychic insight? "Fall" Watching the colorful leaves Hitting the ground They make no sound The Temperature just right Nice, Cool, Fall nights The wind blowing across the fields The grass acting as a shield All these colors can be seen Red, Yellow, Brown and Green Watching the leaves hitting the ground They make no sound.............. "Fallen Angel" Once an Angel of god, but no longer am one To the gates of Hell I run I am free to cut myself, hidden from view Lucifer, and the demons, My friends are few I'm the strongest of my breed Forever a Fallen Angel "F-A-" I'm a Fallen Angel with a broken Wing I wear on my finger, Satan's ring At the Gates of Hell I sing I Sing the tune of Darkness and Hell I watch over others that have fell Everyone Knows Satan's story well We have Punishments of every kind Warping and tearing at your mind While the demons stab you from behind I Love my job down here I love seeing all the people in fear As they see me standing near I lure men into my trap I usually can just get them by sitting in their lap I choose my victims by map Well My story will end But God will continue to have soul's to send Down to the gates of Hell, In hope they're hearts will mend "Fate" Nights spent hugging a blade Crying....wishing to just fade Wondering Why isn't god here? Why wouldn't he help me? I Was suffering....Couldn't he see? I prayed....I hoped for the best But the days ended as the rest Feeling depressed and Stressed always on my knees Praying God would hear my Pleas the days turned into weeks His help I continued to seek But no reply ever came Life was just the same 8yrs of Cutting, overdosing and crying Becoming more set on dying Not much more was left to do But there was one thing I knew Giving up the fight Nothing else was left in sight I told God I was sorry this had to be holding a cross to my chest knowing I could finally be at rest The blade came down on my wrist It rained a bloody mist the life drained slowly but surely A sight for the whole world to see Was I doomed to that Fate? Or Did God hear my prayers too late? "Feelings" I take pills of all Variety They calm my Anxiety From my days in the light of society I count them one by one There's Dioxophrine, Vicodin and Valium I take a different dose each day And each one reacts in a different way Some days I shake and others I'm confused But my behavior is often excused I'm killing myself slowly And That's how I want it to be My life, I try to take But it always fails and I awake I Live in Darkness, A land where it's always night I wish I could just see a glimmer of light These voices in my head tell me what to do They say I'm one of the chosen few But what's so special about hell There's nothing I can tell I often think of what tomorrow will bring I hope happiness and love, But it's always the same ole thing I wish the demons would let my mind be free I want to be in control of me! This darkness causes me to cut People call me stupid, Insane and a nut The Blood keeps the voices at bay But they never go away I wonder after I'm dead Will the voices still be in my head? I guess I'll just wait and find out After I take the easy route Well I just decided I'm done with this fight So I must say Good Bye and Good Night "Final Letter" I put the Blade in front of me In the AfterLife I wish to be I hate this Life I wish to end it with a knife It's not like anyone cares People Act like I'm not even there I'm Hated by those that I thought were my friends It's a cycle that repeats again I never asked to Exist Maybe That's why I take the blade to my wrist I use to cut because it took away the pain But things have gotten so hard, I've pretty much gone insane I no longer think about that next red line It's thoughts of suicide that rule my mind The Pain finally has taken its toll I'm no longer in control The Depression has overcome me Trust me Suicide wasn't my 1st choice But After awhile.....You learn to listen to the voice It says, C'mon Do it.....Don't be scared I think I'm finally prepared To leave this world, Once and for all I'm Ready to leap...Ready to fall I Just don't know Which way I'll choose to go Should I use a gun? Or to the ocean shall I run? Should I take the Blade and press it deep, Or swallow Pills and drift off into sleep Maybe take that rope and tie a knot? I'll have to give it some thought Now Onto the Good byes.......... Like anyone would actually care when I die A few, I wonder how it would affect Yeah sure, At first they'd be upset But after awhile they would deal And those "Open" wounds would heal Think I should leave a letter? Or should I Leave them to wonder What could have made life better? Ha....They'd say It's too painful to read It might explain the reason for the deed But who knows.....How they would react Oh yeah...How easy is it to explain How my mind was under attack "These Voices drove me to suicide" They'd all say....The Truth she chose to hide They'd say I wanted attention and went to far But truly You see.....The Warnings were the scars Something you again, Chose to Ignore I just couldn't carry on anymore Maybe one day You'll understand Why My life had to end Keep an Open mind And the Truth you will find "Flying" When 2 become 1 That is how the song is sung But in reality we always stay single in life and in love We all have the feeling to fly like a dove Some wander from the nest To venture on an unknown quest Others stay And Aren't lead away But we all learn Love isn't what it always turns out to be That you will all see Losing a true love because of reality And some mentality Love puts you in a craze But when it leaves you're left in a daze Life is too short, Live and love like there's no tomorrow Or they'll only be filled with sorrow "Forbidden" Not many people dare cross the lines of Humanity They're scared at what they may see The world of the underground is a fascinating place Where the people have no face Sex, Satanism, Murder, It's all there The Underground is a giant lair Where sex can be done in every which way Both sexes have their say Where you're free to worship any god you please The underground is a world of sleaze You can kill and get away scott free The Underground is the place to be "Found" A young girl hung herself from a tree She wanted her body to be on display, for All to see The Plan was going just fine Till a man saw her hanging from that line The rope and wire cut her throat Later cops found the suicide note She did survive Docs say she's lucky to be alive The wire had cut deep She almost had eternal sleep If the stranger hadn't found her She'd be dead for sure Now this girl is in constant pain But pills keep her sane All of this happened because of a knife She's one of the few Who've escaped with they're life "Fragile" Love is Precious, A fragile thing Making a commitment by giving your partner a ring Saying the words "I do" Always staying true Many people that fall in love, Drift Apart They are no longer joined at the heart So they go Their own way What more is there to say? Watching people go their own way "Friends" Wow we've made it this long Without anything going wrong Who thought it would Last at all And Now we're in for the long haul Discovering new Interests and emotions Like Music, Love and The Ocean Was it Destiny? As In Meant to be? Or just a Mistake? That Became Fate? It's a mystery, I don't want the answer to All I know is I Love You Best friends till the end for sure And In the Future, Maybe More? "Future" Is there a future for me and you? Does it behold a romance that's true? Is there a Rocky Road ahead? A Life of happiness to be lead? Or a life of death, Destruction and emotional scars? Is there kids and marriage in the stars? Will I rise above? Or Maybe fall in love? Is there going to be war? Will there be school anymore? Only time will reveal What the future has for us to feel "Good Bye" I hate When I feel Numb Suddenly the urge to slash my wrists comes on I Can't take it anymore! Maybe My dad was right, Maybe I am nothing but a whore Just here to suffer every day I Don't know how much longer I can stay Honestly I Love my friends But I can't hold off the end It's Coming, I know I got the feel I swear the Grim-Reaper is real He talks to me at night And says "Suicide will stop this hellish fight" I know he wouldn't lie to me So you see I must now go As I Venture down below I want you to know, You were the reason I stayed during the past 2years But it caught up with me, The Pain and Fear It's the end Good Bye My friend "Guardian Angel" You've stood by my side Calmly talking me out of suicide You made me put the pills down and walk away You made me untie the noose I had ready today You got me to put the Razorblade down You made me put the Bleach back where it was found you talked me out of using the gun You told me you can't always run You've held me back when I wanted to dive You're the thing that has kept me alive You gave me a 2nd chance at life You pulled me away from the knife You truly are a Angel in disguise You can see right through the lies Whoever thought you'd be the one to save me from myself? You gave me back the emotions I had left on a shelf You have no idea how much you've influenced me Now I truly see What the darkness blocked from sight I now have a reason to fight You've been a friend so True This is my way of thanking you "Guiding Light" Life is like a star It's guiding light is never far Even in darkness it will shine It's a good sign The star will help you cope It let's you know there is hope It lights your way It's bright like a golden way When times get blue The light will shine thru This guiding light will never leave you "Hanging" Barb-wire Now that's my style And Also rope Now you know there's no hope Above the ground I feel myself rise Soon my body will be attacked by flies From the world I want to hide This is suicide I look like Shit as you can tell But I don't care cuz I'm in hell The Barb-wire cutting my throat Right there, is my suicide note I feel my neck snapping I can't believe this is Happening "Hate" I hate my life I hate my friends I want to stab myself with a knife I want to end my life I hate my weight I'm off the edge, it's too late I want to die So I bid you good bye "Heart Broken" I, like many people have found some one that understood me He was Perfect, I thought our relationship was meant to be After awhile he started to change Whenever I would share a story, his mind seemed to wander out on the range I thought he was messing around I wasn't prepared for what I found This wonderful man was unfaithful and a cheat And to think I once thought he was so sweet He took my love and tore it apart You've broken my heart I hate you, Yet I Love you I thought you'd always stay true You betrayed my trust and my love I once thought you were sent from above I hate you, Good bye and good night You're out of my life, You've just lost this fight "Help" I miss the days of Happiness and love The days where I could feel free The days of laughter and jokes I wish those days could happen Again But Now I have a dark cloud over me It keeps me from seeing the good things Now All I think about is death How to die Which way to go Which is fast and which is slow? These questions plague my mind Am I loved? Am I insane? I guess not or some one would have saved me From the person I turned out to be I feel numb I can't feel anything Is this normal? Why won't you save me? I need help I want help But I won't get it At Least I tried It's all your fault I had to die "Hiding" I'm numb to the world, I can't feel a thing The emotions have stopped dead in their tracks The voices choose to delay their attack Nothing is a surprise anymore The Pain has Immobilized me for sure It's like I'm watching everything far away And Yet I wish to stay this way There's No Pain No Being called Insane A smile fools all who see But It's not the real me I never shall reveal How I truly feel So if you want to know whats thoughts hide behind these eyes You better try to claw your way through my Disguise "If Only: The ramblings of a psy ward patient" I wander around the PSY ward late at night Long after they shut off the light If Only I had succeeded I should have tried something else Now I have these scars on my wrists These white bandages everywhere God How I miss my Razor blade Some of my scars are starting to fade I'm stuck here forever They'll never let me out I'm stuck here with all these other misunderstood souls I'm not crazy at all, It's you people that are crazy You lock me up like a caged animal Because I want out of this fucking world But who wouldn't You're not free to do anything I start to think..... If only that knife had cut thru If Only I had succeeded If only....... "If Only You Knew" Sometimes I sit and Think About all the Painful Memories I can Link If Only You Knew If Only You had a clue So Much is Going on And It's all totally wrong I'm not suppose to want to die I'm not suppose to Constantly cry But Yet I do If Only You Knew Scars, Cutting, Emotional Pain On the Edge of Becoming Insane It Scares even me But No One sees If Only You Knew Memories, Torture, Guys Pain in the Eyes Anxiety attacks Always looking back If Only You Knew Suicidal thoughts, Loosing my mind Looking for that Peaceful Place I wish to find I'm taking that chance to jump to the other side Ready to Commit suicide If Only You Knew Maybe You'd know what to do But I push the Knife in I couldn't win When you find Me I know you'll freak But I have found what I had continued to seek You'll wonder why I did what I had to do If Only You Knew......... "Iraq" Should we go to War, So other countries won't burden us anymore? Should we wait till Iraq bombs the USA, Or should we attack first to keep them at Bay? Many people don't want us to fight But we have the right America was threatened so we must act We're going to attack Iraq Hopefully no Americans will die Let the American spirit Fly Let your spirit show So Iraq will know That America stands Tall All for One and One for All America will survive Cuz Patriotism has never been more alive! "Iraq II" America is usually Carefree But now we're being threatened by another country Britain is the only one at our side Since other countries think it's suicide To fight this war Even though we've fought others before But now they all turn their backs Because they don't want to be attacked Britain and the US stand-alone As we get ready to enter the War Zone The Troops have started to arrive Knowing they could lose their lives But this war could stop before it starts If Saddam could find it in his heart To step down from his place And save his country from the destruction it could face We've tried to find a resolution But we just can't find the right solution War has just begun Who will come out #1? "Jump" I walk up the cliff I notice the wind shift The ledge is in sight I know this is right I say my prayers and take a giant leap No one will weep As I fall below I wonder if this cliff is too low The ground reaches for me This was meant to be As I hit the ground, My body shatters I got what I wanted And that's all that matters "Killers" Do you ever wonder why people kill? Is it for the thrill? What will psychiatrists find Lurking in some one's mind? Do they hold the key to a secret place? Where in their mind people have no face? Twisted eh Killers are everywhere today They slip through the cracks Awaiting for the right time to attack Maybe some day we'll know When a Killer will sprout So we can lock him up and never let him out Killers and criminals come in all varieties So beware when you're out in society "Leaving" The end is coming, I can feel it near Once again returns that dreadful fear That I will never see you again After All you are my Best Friend But the voice says It's time for me to go on my way Really! I wanna stay! I don't want to go into the unknown I Never want to leave you alone But I am Being pushed, So I must follow Along Just Rember "All I Wanna Do" Will always be our song A Hug N a Kiss, I Bid you good night Honestly....I tried to Fight.......................... "Less Than Perfect" You're the love of my life I wanted to be your wife We were meant to be My heart was locked but you had the key You opened my eyes to true love You made me feel like I was in the land above I thought everything was alright Till I got a phone call Late one night You Thought I wanted our relationship to be over with But that was just a myth You cried, I cried, I wanted to stay with you forever But I guess you wanted that to happen, Never Today I sit here, Wondering what I did wrong All I did was read you a poem that was long But you took it the wrong way What can I say? To take back what happened I don't want our relationship to end Now you avoid me Leaving me with the thought that we were never meant to be I lye here thinking of everything we could have done But you decided to Leave, To Run If you wanted to break my heart That Victory is yours; You tore my pride apart....... "Life" No one cares Once I die I'll be out of your hair You act like I'm not even there I'm invisible to everyone It's me you all shun I want to run away and never return You people never learn I can slip by And you never say hi Once I'm dead And My body painted red You won't notice me gone Your life will just continue on I don't exist You don't even notice the scars on my wrist Because you don't care Life just isn't fair "Little Gurl" You stop and stare at me Am I that different That you can see? I'm like a snake People are afraid of me They Think I'm deadly I can be at times Like a Poisonous snake Piss me off and I'll swallow you whole But Beneath that Disguise lays a scared little gurl She doesn't want to grow up She wants to stay a kid In her mind The only way to preserve her youth is To kill herself, She'll die young She fools everyone with her toughness Her humor makes you think she's funny Her smile makes you think she's okay But it's all just a cover She really wants to die She puts on a show for all to see And you all believe it She tries to act like she's all that But it's just an act The little girl needs help Or Soon she'll fade away She'll leave me alone in this world I need my friend And the only way she'll stay Is if I die It's a hard Decision But I have to say Good Bye "Little Lost Fallen Angel" Little Lost Fallen Angel, Wandering thru hell Heaven doesn't want me I can tell Help Me! Help me! Are the words I cry But I can only wait and lye The Lord turns his back to me I'm an unwanted Angel you see I'm the fallen, The Lost But the Lord doesn't want to be bothered with a Fallen Angel So the Fallen Angel Must pay the cost Little Lost Fanne Angel "Loosing the fight" *Note: this is the 1st poem I ever wrote* I'm taking my life, By my own hand Don't you understand! I threatened to do it and got no help No one knows how I felt I cried every night I was a terrible sight Depressed and Stressed My life was put to the test I'm taking my life, with a knife Just let me die I honestly tried I fought but help wasn't sought I say good bye and good night For I have Lost the fight "Love" I have this feeling that I can't explain No I'm not going insane It's like I'm flying No I'm not lying It's Love, I know it is One man makes me feel like this When he speaks I get rosey in the cheeks When he says I love you I know its from the heart and true He's so caring and sweet He's warm like the sun's heat I'm devoted to him, and him to me We were meant to be A gift from above Our Love "Love or Suicide" What should I choose, Love or Suicide? Should I forever hide? Or stick by my man By Showing I can? Death calls for me He says suicide has to be But the love I feel for you is strong I can't help but think leaving you is wrong I really Love you And I want to stay true But Death calls my name He says come with me and feel no shame I don't want to leave yet Since we just met Which way should I go? To death row? Or should I fall into your loving arms? Where I'd be safe from harm If Only I could choose But either way I lose Cause After awhile you'll just toss me aside And Hope that I won't commit suicide What Should I do? I want to stay with you I want to be together forever Parting never But I just can't decide Love Or Suicide? "Lover" The need to leave this world is Great I Can no longer wait For help to arrive I don't even feel like I'm alive I'm dead to the world, To Life I'm only alive to my knife He takes away my Pain He keeps me sane When the times get rough He's there to keep me tough He's my secret I dare not tell He's the only one that knows me well He knows my darkest secrets that know one else does Without Him I'd die cause There'd be no one to talk to anymore No one else to share the horror I go thru everyday He keeps all my problems at bay When I die Please let him lye Next to me That's my final request................ "Luficina" I sat on my cloud Praying Aloud When Lucifer came for me He dragged me down to hell for all to see Locked in a cage My heart filled with rage The Demons stabbed me with fire My wings burned and I had begun to tire What Have I done to deserve this fate? God Can't save me, it's too late "You are my Daughter" Lucifer revealed The words sink in. "Hail you Lord Lucifer" Those words insured me my fate was sealed "You are a Fallen Angel, The best of your breed. Welcome Home Lucifina!" Lucifer said My once Burned wings turned Fiery and Red I'm a Fallen Angel, Goddess of Hell I'm the Bravest and Strongest as you can tell Lucifina "Men" Why does sex rule men's lives? Why can't they focus on something like Hunting knives? Why do they always leave that damn toilet seat up? Why do they have to spit nasty chew in a little cup? Why do men stare at your tits and not your face? Men are such a waste! Why do men grab their balls? Sorry Honey ain't no one gonna steal'em out of ya overalls Why do men always brag about their dick? It's just a tiny pink prick Men are such clutz Too bad they lack nutz "Moment of Truth" When I was six.....had only 1 friend Dad, you left me with Nick and Joe You told me nothing would ever happen to me again But something happened, you know Joe told me, that he would teach me a new way to have fun He said it would make me feel great It was then that it begun Joe said kneel down.....Now wait Eager to please and learn But this new game It started to burn He kept saying my name this red thing he placed in my hand He said pretend it's a blow pop I didn't understand It kept hurting my throat....I wanted to stop He said no He made me stay on the floor I wanted him to let me go I wanted to run for the door But i stayed there He said its almost done I didn't think this game was fair When he finished I wanted to run He gave me a towel and said clean up the mess There was a bunch of this thick stuff that was white I was only 6.....But I felt the stress It was still early night When he asked if I would do this with Nick Joe said to me, remove your jeans I wish I had a choice but there was nothing to pick I started to get scared....letting some one see the unseen Yet I did what I was instructed to do He said get on the bed He said, This is a privledge for girls shared by few I did as he said Nick got on and sat next to me Wondering what Joe had in mind Joe said spread your legs, I want to see He touched me and asked how it felt....Afraid I said fine He said, do to him what you were taught I took ahold and went to work fast... Do it Quick...I don't want to get caught Nick said it felt good...he wanted it to last Suddenly I felt something that shouldnt have been there I felt a hand force my head down It was Joe, He said Now this game is being fair Then Nick started making these weird sounds I saw Joe licking his fingers....I saw red Nick said that he had enough of the game You did great, don't worry, Joe said Some how I didn't look at things the same After everything was cleaned up and done They both gave me a big hug Joe let me play his drums I felt like I was trapped in a hole myself had dug Joe kicked us out so Nick and I played hide and go seek I was so happy when you came back dad But of alchol you reeked When we got into the car I told you of the night I had Yet you said nothing.....I felt like you didn't care I wanted to be hugged I wanted you to be there I wanted to feel loved But you said nothing till the next day I told mommy, and she told you I just wanted to hide away Daddy, You said I was a liar....That it wasn't true I tried to explain....Daddy It happened! I know! But all you said was Shut up and never speak of it again I didn't want to, But I did so That was the end. Years later, It still haunts me There's nightmares Flashbacks...Everything I see It's non stop terror But there's nothing I can do I just try to deal And work it through And Pretend that it never happened, that it's not real But those memories follow, where I go It's like dragging around a ball and chain Just because you said it was a Lie, doesn't make it so I'm not insane I was there....It happened, I felt everything I can still hear the voice The fear...The familiar sting If I had a choice But I didn't...I couldn't fight I told you, I broke the promise, The secret I know what happened wasn't right And having told, I still regret Spent so many nights crying, over this old pain So many Crimson tears flowing I wish I could explain I feel like I have nothing going Another night, More tears Just want to sleep it away Hugging a stuffed animal calms the fears But After the night, comes day So I put these memories out of my mind Time to act happy, Time to lie Looking for that refuge, so eager to find Counting down the days till I die "Mopsy" **Note: This is dedicated to my lil ball of fur, Mopsy, He was my soul companion for 5 years.... R.I.P Mopsy** A Little White Rabbit with Gray Now in the ground is where he lays Mopsy, A cute Rabbit Saying hi to you was often a habbit In August he died mysteriously His Spirit is now free I miss him with all of my heart But I feel like we're never apart "Murder" Have you ever gotten the urge to kill some one? Have you ever just wanted to watch the blood run? Feeling the thrill Knowing you have a kill Knowing it's a sin But in the end the killers win The feeling of pushing the knife through A feeling of Victory washes over you Knowing you have killed some one Oh well the deed is done You Know you've won "My Blade" All My friends abandon me But my blade will never leave When I feel alone My blade comforts me When no body wanted me My blade was there When you said to hell with me My blade listened to me cry My blade took away my tears of sorrow And turned them into rivers of red..... "My Truth" You All look down on me and think what a shame That she couldn't keep her emotions tame Well I'll let you in on a Secret of mine See this smile Makes you think I'm fine But it's all a disguize The Truth is in the eyes The Sorrow, The Pain, The Hate And the Mystery of my fate Pay attention and maybe you'll see The Voices that torture me Yes I cut myself during the night So I can keep up this fight So I can Live another day And you wanna put me away? Why? So you can say that you tried? Ha Can't stop Suicide Obviously It's my destiny I can accept it, Why can't you? There's nothing you can do It chose me, So I must go I won't be missed I know I'm out of your grip And Starting my Trip "No Direction" Lost without direction Wandering looking for one Left? Right? There's the end in sight Drawing closer.....walls closing in It's about to begin coming into a clearing The ground rising Walking to the top At the edge I stop Peering down Toss a rock....An echoing sound Feet dangling off the edge Wondering if I should jump or walk off the ledge Tonight I'm the grim reapers Date Knowing this is my fate Waiting no longer The urge to jump growing stronger Kneeling down.....Drawing a heart in the sand I wonder if he'll understand Taking one last look at the sky I close my eyes Whispering the last words I'll ever say I love you....forever and alwyz sorry it had to end this way No echo....Nothing No birds sing.... Pushing myself, till the ground is nowhere In the air.....Falling fast I can be happy at last "No more" Often I wonder why people say everything is going to be alright When they don't have to worry about your fights The Physical and Emotional Hell, That you wrestle with Day and Night The Nightmares you live, The Pain And they wonder Why you're starting to go insane The Argueing, The Voices, The Stress I wonder if this is a Test A test of my Patience and Will Of Love and Skill My Cards are down I don't wanna stay around I'm sick of everything, Of It all I'm making this call I've decided I'm done You All Have won I see no reason to go survive I no longer wish to stay alive So I've decided Suicide is the way I won't live another day........ "Ocean" I hear the Ocean calling my name My life has never been the same Since I got this dreadful illness I look out the window, There's a eerie Stillness The Ocean wants me! It's calling me! I watch the wild waves from the sea I get ready and take one last dive This time I didn't survive..... "Over Kill" I thought you were the love of my life But now in my hand I hold this knife Thinking of ways to get back at you You never stayed true Sleeping with every girl in town Well I've had enough of your running around I sneak up behind you as you sleep Your clothes on the floor in a giant heap Taking the knife across your throat I even wrote you a nice little suicide note You try to over power me But your body goes limp, Now 6ft in the ground you'll be At your funeral I wear black But now I can sit back And Enjoy the life of a wealthy widow And no one will ever know That I killed you You lost your second chance at staying true "Painting" Love is like a painting It takes awhile to be drawn, Our lines of trust Taking time to learn about each other is a must Like a drawing it needs to be taken to heart The Bright colors stand for the good memories, and dark colors for the bad Grey stands for all the past relationships we once had Red, for the Love that's here to stay White stands for that lovely wedding day Love, like a painting has to be handled with care It's something two people share Unlike a painting, Love has No price, It can't be auctioned off or sold It's not something you can physically hold Love, Is in the heart and soul Love, Makes two people a whole A Painting can be ripped apart Just like a heart But a painting can be fixed As for a lost love, Those feelings are mixed Hanging the painting up on the wall, Making sure it looks just right It glows in the sun, Just like two people's love shines thru like a Golden light "Panic Attack" I hear No sound Silence is all around Oh No it's a Panic Attack Things go White and Black My heart starts to beat really fast Damn I hope it will pass I start to shake I can't find those meds I need to take All of a sudden Flash backs The Pain and Hell of the Attack A wave of Panic washes over me Never Again, That did I want to see It plays over and over till finally it ends.... I brace Myself Again But it stops, No more I look around to make sure Everything looked Fine The Sun was still shinning But the fear could be read in my eyes The Pain, Terror and Lies Pushing the memories Back into the file, Where it shall stay I, Once again Scurry on my way "Parents" All My parents ever do is fight I never get a peaceful night It's depressing hearing them argue I wish my mom would find some one new I've been hit, beaten and called a Whore And I just can't take it anymore My Dad is Perverted and Nasty That Anyone can see He pushed me to the ledge And I'm almost off the edge I just want out And I'm willing to take the easy route I would love to just slit his throat Hell I'd write a confession suicide note Murder-Suicide the perfect crime Ignore me I'm out of my fucking mind "Peace" Americans Kill each other everyday Poverty, Drugs and Murder, American's shouldn't live this way America is at war within its self Why Can't we just put our problems on a shelf And Make peace with everyone? Then Americans could Party and have fun We would no longer be seperated by Religion, Social Status or Race America would be a much better place Maybe Then we could forget the past And America Would be United at Last "Perfect Mistakes" Fallen Angel, creatures of hell From The Heavens they Have Fell The Lord tries to save these precious Children These Angels took the left path and are living in sin We are all Children of God, On the right path we must stay Many Children stray But they always seem to make a come back Perfectionism is something we all lack No Matter what you do God Will Always Love You "Pills" I take these pills into my hand I guess a good life was just too much to demand But Suicide will end it all Not listening is my down fall As I lay down, I think of life Maybe I should just use a knife It'll be better As I sign my letter One slash of the knife And I robbed myself of my life "Pleas" I want Help I need Help Please get it for me Please Help me change,It can happen You'll see I can't do this alone Some one has to push me to it I'm ashamed of myself I'm not crazy People say it's all in my head That I just want attention They're wrong! They're wrong! I can't stop cutting I can't stop trying to kill myself Please get me help before it's too late Please stop this horrible fate From coming true I need help from you I'm on my knees begging Please, Please, Please I'm not ready to give up I want to be rid of this addiction Maybe some day I'll get help Hopefully before it's too late I don't want to fade to black Help me, Help me Please........ "Questions" When we die Does our spirit really fly? Is there a Heaven and a hell? Is our body just an outer shell Is there a god? Is he a fraud? Is there such thing as the devil? Is he a rebel? Is God white and the Devil red? Are they alive or dead? There are so many answers to know I really let my curiousity show "Ramblings...Thoughts" On this planet, No longer near Off somewhere Far from here Drifting away Towards Silence Away from Night and Day Hiding in the Shadows of the Earth Wondering Self Worth Curious, But Confused Things Unfused Ramblings, No Clue Not knowing what to do Away from Everything No Singing or Dancing Silence, Nothing to be heard Much to be learned "Real" I miss the person I use to be I'm so different anyone can see I'm no longer outspoken This illness has my spirits broken I can't help but be shy Now all I can do is lie About how I truly feel I don't even know what's real! I suffer eternally in my mind Peace I wish to find I always feel sad I took for granted, The Happiness I once had I miss all my happy Tom-boy friends But I guess this illness made those days end I use to dream about boys, Happiness and life And Now all I can think about is Death, razors and a Butcher Knife I live in a world of my own I can't forget the good life I was shown I want my spirit to be free Maybe then I could be me I want to smile a real smile I want to actually be in style I don't want to wear long sleeves to hide my pain I guess they're part of me, A reminder of my days of being insane Every night I try and win this fight But I always Fail I guess I'm on the wrong trail It's hard trying to survive I hope some day I'll way up and feel alive Till then I'll just wait And Hope Happiness doesn't come too late "Relationship" I wanted a friend And You appeared You said You'd be there till the end You were Fascinating, nuts and kinda weird You were a loner, As was I We knew our relationship was meant to be But Now I ask myself Why Why do you hide from me? Our relationship has fell apart I want to mend, this rip We knew this would happen from the start But now I want to renew our relationship Do you think this can be done? I hope so What are the chances 10 to none? I hope the odds aren't that low Well we'll just have to see How things will turn out Was this relationship meant to be? "Revenge" I thought I was the only girl in your life You said someday I'd make the perfect wife But you dumped me I'll get revenge you'll see I thought I was everything to you But you said that to every girl you knew I had everything planned just right But you came back one night And asked for me to forgive I said sure, But I never planned to live You decided my fate before Now I want you to see the horror The Hell you put me through maybe that will show you What you did to me Now my spirit will be free To haunt you forever I'll make your hell end never There's no turning back, You decided my fate See what happens when love comes too late "Room" I'm in a locked room Where I can't move And the walls close in slowly One wall has Razor blades It cuts deep into my skin But the Blades are actually words Actions, Others have done to me The Razors cut deep And a wave of relief washes over me I no longer feel the need for Eternal sleep If only I could escape from this room I'd be happy again But there's no door out Each day I await the light But It doesn't shine thru I guess I'll just fade to black Once I pick up the knife There's no going back If I could only feel alive But in this life, I guess I'll never survive I guess I give up Just leave me alone I've just bought a bus ticket To Venture into the great unknown "Scared" I wanna be some one else I wanna be some one new I wanna be anyone but me I hate the way I have to lie and cheat To get my way This Illness, This curse, has made me a different person And I hate myself now I wanna be happy and cheer people up again But that will never happen I can't even cheer myself up anymore Why do I have to be like this? Why Couldn't you get me help? Now I have to take matters into my own hands I realize, I can't turn back I have already decided my fate And that is to live no more I Won't suffer day after day I'll finally get my way To bad it had to end like this I really wanted things to get better But I guess you'll read all that in my suicide letter I always thought of you, You gave me a reason to live But now things are just too tough I've had enough Good bye for good I hope you'll remember me Don't let my memory fade.......... "Scars" The scars on my arms are real They show my fight and the reason for my emotional state They show how I truly feel The Depression, Anger and Hate The Scars are hard to hide No matter how hard I try People think it's suicide And They see and ask why I wish I could explain About the feelings that appear The Hurtfulness, The Pain But you choose not to hear Maybe one day you'll find out, The Story behind each scar Of Why they're there They prove how Far I've ventured from your care Just listen and maybe you'll know How Far I really Plan to go "Secret" I have a secret Lover No one knows about He's small and pocket size His love is addicting I can't stop thinking about him Everyday When I get home I run to see him, He lays on my bed In the light he shines I love him so much But people are starting to ask questions About the gifts he gives me....My scars And I refuse to tell them the truth I don't want them to take my lover away So I must make my move I can't give my lover up So I must die A Lover's pact I use my lover to make the final cut He slices thru my veins with ease As I lay down I hold him close to my heart Taking one last Breath I say Thank you And My mind goes black........ "September" On September 11th, Everyone was glued to their TV Not believing what they were about to see Our Twin Towers crumbled to the ground Many people died, some bodies never found Our Freedom was under attack Because of the Teamwork Our Government Lacked A war is now Being fought And the Terrorists caught But Americans can never forget the images they saw that day At ground Zero we watch Old Glory Sway America will survive Because Patriotism has never been more alive! "Sex" Fucking, Intercourse, Sex What name will they call it next? Penis, Dick, Cock Sorry Honey it ain't hard like a rock Sperm, Cum, Jizz It's fun watching that white stuff fizz Men value it more then their lives Sometimes I think they love it more then their wives Men don't need dicks They're natural born pricks "She" Why do people pretend to care? When they don't have those feelings to share Solitary Confindment in my lair Life Isn't Fair You All Lie You look at me and sigh And ask yourself why Why does she always cry This child is cursed She was the very first Yet her life is the worst She was used She was abused Her meds she refused This poor kid In her room she hid Her parents want to be rid of her She hates her life It's dominated by a knife She lives in the dark It's her trademark She's a freak of society But people come in all Variety "S*I" Cutting, a Good way to release our sorrows In hope that we'll have better tomorrows For us, Cutting brings relief That's our Belief We cut with razors and Knives But we don't do it to end our lives You don't know about this disease Because we act and live our life at ease Can't you see how we lie? And We'll continue till the day we die If we dare told you, You'd make us feel ashamed And it'll only cause us more pain The feeling of pushing the Razor deep Stops us from feeling Dirty and Cheap As the Blood gushes The Ice in our veins rushes It's a wonderful feeling We think it makes us more appealing Self Injury will never end, This is the truth.............. "Silenced Angel" An Angel silenced by hate When good things come too late An Angel silenced by drugs Because of a lack of hugs An Angel silenced by a war within She's living a life of fatal sin An Angel silenced by death In this world forever left An Angel silenced by disease She'll never live a life of ease An Angel silenced by god Forever she must sob An Angel silenced by Love She's not free to rise above An Angel silenced by Darkness An Angel silenced by Depression "Sins" Oh, Little Lost fallen Angel hear my prayer You are the angel of death and dispare You Bring Justice to the wrong doers on earth Kill them and take them for all their worth Condemn them to wander the unknown And Let their sins be sure Life is short, Death is long But Sins are very very wrong In the After life Make them pay Stab them and leave them in the ground to lay Life isn't fair So choose your path with care "Society" I see myself alone in the halls of school Where all the people are cruel Treating me differently because I'm unique Please don't treat me like some weird freak I'm an Outcast of society Where people just boost my Anxiety Why won't you leave me be I'm just trying to be me So I have a lot of scars and cuts I'm not crazy, Psycho or nuts Cutting lets me be free I don't hide them, they're there for all to see You're the reason I want to hide That's why I chose one option: Suicide "Story" One cold and rainy night I sit in my room, out of sight I look at a bottle of pills and a knife Wondering which one should end my life I must do it tonight Before Midnight I learned Life Isn't fair And No one Cares I pick up the knife, My life is done One Quick Slash And In a Flash, I'm on the floor I lye there dying as you walk in You scream at the sight "Mom I gave up the fight" As I lay back My whole world goes black "Strangulation" Placing your hands around their throat, Squeezing tight Your Victim tries to fight Watching them gasp for air You drag the body to your lair You just committed a Heinous crime But what do you care, You won't do the time If worse comes to worse, You can always Bail So No worries about Jail "Struggles" If only you knew what I went thru every night If only you knew about my secret fight About how I struggle to keep my life But I am slowly loosing to the knife I can't win this Battle, This war I no longer want to live anymore I guess this is my fate There's no other way to escape I give in I've just committed the ultimate sin "Suicide" So many ways to die Taking drugs and getting high Using a gun Down the walls the blood will run Hanging by a noose Make sure the rope is tight and not loose Cutting with a knife That's the perfect way to end your life Overdosing on pills, try Tylenol Make sure to swallow them all Barb-wire and rope, You might as well go out with style Let your body hang for awhile Drown, Go for one last dive You won't survive Make sure to leave a suicide note Make it easy to read so they can see what you wrote Say Good Bye 6ft the ground you'll lye Let your last affections be Shown Soon you'll be wandering the unknown We can all hide What better way then Suicide "Suicide Suicide" Suicide, Suicide It's all in your head Suicide, Suicide I wish I were dead Suicide, Suicide United stand us all Suicide, Suicide Divided we fall Suicide, Suicide it makes me cheat and lie Suicide, Suicide I want to die Suicide, Suicide I want eternal sleep Suicide, Suicide Please don't weep....... "Terror" Tuesday, September 11th, A terrible Date Many Victim's families wait To find out their loved ones fate Americans citizens felt sorrow and hate The Trade Centers gone, a Large area in New York City is bare They're only a memory we now all share Those in the planes died Protecting the USA "Land of the Free and Home of the Brave" As they Say The 1st year annivsary rolls around And Osama Bin Laden has yet to be found Justice will never be done There is no Punishment, None Red stands for the Blood Shed Blue stands for the Wars We've Won We'll make those Terrorists Run! White stands for the sorrow and Pain Americans learned to forgive and Not live in Vain Americans will always stay True To the Colors Red, White and Blue "The Call" I use to call you everyday To tell you if things had gone my way And You'd always call me But now things aren't like they use to be You never call Zilch, Nada, Never at all You avoid me at every chance Now I'm lucky if you give me a passing glance You're like a total stranger I thought we were in love, but now I'm not so sure I try to forget your face But it's an image I can't erase I thought we'd get married some day But it doesn't look as if things will turn out that way Why don't things ever go my way? I can only hope you'll Call Today