Wow.... Well so much for the perfect saturday. Okies asshole woke me up at like 7am....took a shower. He told me not to dress like a whore. So I'm like fine fuck you. Grabbed a pair of Black Jeans, My All star Converse and my Angel shirt and was readiii. so like we get there and are waitin for Hook N randy. Billy and Clifford showed up. First time I have seen my cuzin in Years! He didn't even know my fucking name! I'm like OMFG! He is such a black gansta wanna be that it amuses the hell out of me. So newyz....Hook and Randy get there. So My dad and I head for the locks and like we get der and Clifford wants to jump aboard so he does. 5mins out of the Locks. Boat stops. I'm like FUCK!!!!! Just My luck!!!! Newyz Takes an hour and a half to get it started.......10mins from the fucking lake. My dad is like we're goin back....I"m like NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!! I wanted to see the Air show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man fuckin pissed me off. So we get back. Dock and hang out. My dad is three sheets to the wind. And then Denis and this chick pull up with they're 35ft Sea Ray..Nice ass boat. So like they invite us so we go for a ride up and down the river. Of course I get stuck driving. So like yeah when we got back to the Marine Randy and Hook n dem were pullin in. And then John the gay dude was der so he jumped aboard our boat and like yeah Billy wanted to go get some Downscopes at Skippers so we set back out on the river. Randy was fuckin out of his mind drunk and jumped on our boat. He's like Fuck Hook....n shit.... was great. And like I was sittin in the passenger seat. My legs wide open...lol...I alwyz sit like that Was leanin back tho and Randy kept playin with my hair.....Was irritating me. Newyz....My dad wanted to talk to John so Randy took the wheel and I was playing with my pentagram necklace and then my bra was bothering me so I adjusted it And Randy puts his hand on my chest and was like......Gonna sun bathe topless? I'm like uh no. Then he kept shoving his beer on me.....He's like hold this. I swear if he could come up with an excuse for touching or brushing against me he did. So like we went to the bar they got downscopes. They're all wasted n shit. we cum back. They dock. I was bitchin I had to piss so I was in the bathroom and like when the door is shut ppl kno ur in there. Well I was washing my hands and like the door opened and I'm like One minute! Randy just walks right in and pins me against the wall. I'm like dude......Can you please let me go. And he starts shoving his hands up my shirt...And he's like you dirty slut you deserve this. I got away from his ass tho. Didn't say anything. He was drunk usually he's a pleasent guy so i blame the liqour. Can let this one go i suppose. Man I got so fucking sun burned. I am so tired. I don't feel good. Suicidal. That fucking little Voice needs to shut up!!!!!!!!!! Gawd.... Do it....do it.....do it....do it.....do it.....do it.... SHUT THE HELL UP don't need that right now. I swear I think some one put something in that downscope I was drinkin' I feel like i'm rocking back and fourth and hearin shit. Fuckin weird. I'm attempting to carve slut in my leg. It's what I am.....Or so ppl say so it must be true I fucking hate myself....Fucking hate myself Such a fat slut....Gawd I need to lose sum fuckin weight. Nasty thing. I wear a 16!!!!!!!!! I used to be a 12!!!!!!! Should kill myself. I need to. Don't deserve to live. Slit my wrists and watch the blood. No need for my pathetic Existance. Wouldn't be missed. I have like 6 friends......That's it......And it's like yeah.....They'd get over it. who knows if they actually care. Suicide Note....Suicide Note,..... What would I write? "I Win" "Read This..." and leave diary site? Dunno.......What should I do? I feel like I've lost it. All ties to sanity are gone. Clipped.......... It's a sign: Time To die Hell is over.........finally peace.....Peace I crave so badly......Need it.......Want it..... I'm a soldier of my mind. Fighting a war...Everyday.....everynight for years. I'm ready to lay down my gun and die. Let the hostage die. Tired of the suffering. The Exhausting nights Alone crying.....Bleeding....Praying for Bliss.... Life fucking sux.... btw: Luv ya Allan......... RaZoR wHoRe