Oh, Father, I wish I had understanding. We know the score, heard it all before -- but I've never felt more powerless. When the day comes, and I've counted all my sins... how many I'll see. I want to be able to say that I did more, more than pray. I did more. I did more than talking and saying the right thing. It's time for an uprising: Love's on its way. I hope it won't be too late.

Today was the most overwhelming purge I have ever gone through. Now I feel... amazing. Though of course, that didn't come without the initial confusion, worry, anxiety, guilt, pain, tears, and later, actual physical numbness in my shaking fingers and leaded legs from the emotional distress I was undergoing. But it was so much needed. A year is a very, very long time.

My status on Gmail? "Today was worth everything. It would have been foolish of me to attempt being born to a new self without first dying to the old."

God, I feel like it's been so long, but it really hasn't: February 13th only marks my conversion! During the sister talk Ivy, Moleca, and I had today, I had told them that I was about two months into my epiphany.... Sheesh, It hasn't even been one. As always, my estimation skills suck. So I asked my dad for the exact date so that I could finalize it in this entry, on my calendar, and in my heart. And perhaps maybe, I'll finally get some of that Day of Recollection on the Power of Love on record.

We shall see.

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Dear SitDiary,

How long have we been together? -checks back to first post- Good God -- August 30, 2004??

We are such old friends.

You used to know me. I used to know you. We used to know each other.

Ah, it is actually today, July 6th, that I am finally [semi-]completing this entry. And... (February, March, April, May, June, July) six months have already gone by.

I can safely say that I used to know you. But I am glad that we only make occasional acquaintance on the seedy corners of Life and that I only hear your name once in awhile.

It'd make my life better if you could just disappear, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone. And besides, I need you there to remind me to love. That's the only reason why I keep you here, easy to access.

Also, truth be told, I won't be recollecting on my experience with the Power of Love here.

I will just try living it.

That way it gets deeper in, you know? Not just in thought, but in action [is how it should be].

Love,

Ai.

♥