Originally posted here. -CLICK- We were all together hanging out. And I swear, it might have been from the time we share a bottle. But apparently there WAS something contagious in it (lmfao, like Casey said), and since we both drank from it, both of us were in danger of dying. But then we found out that only one of us had to die, so that the other would live. It was just you and me. We were crying and holding each other, and you told me that you wanted to be the one to die so that I could live. I couldn't let you make that choice, but you told me that there WAS no choice -- you were going to be the one to die, and there was nothing I could do about it. "It's not going to happen any other way," you said. My first reaction was to slap you. But I didn't. DX It was the end of the school year, so I had to play the Baccalaureate Mass for the graduates -- I can't quite remember if it was our graduation or not. But at the same time, your birthday was coming up on that day. Only you and me and Chris knew about what was going to happen. On the day it was supposed to happen, we went into the woods. It was just you and me again, and it was nighttime. We walked deep into it, where we could hardly see each other because it was so dark, and then we both laid down on the ground next to each other. We were talking, and I was crying, but you kept telling me that it was okay, that you would be fine. And I kept crying. We laid on our backs and watched the stars. And then at midnight, you told me that you were getting tired. I never stopped crying, and then I got up and leaned over you, and held both of your hands, locking our fingers together on each side of you. And then I watched you as you began to drift away, and I cried harder, but you told me with a smile not to cry and to live. When it was done, I was a mess. It took me an hour to finally let go of you, and then I had no idea what to do next. But we had talked earlier and you had said to leave your body in the woods. You said that this forest we went to didn't have any animals that would tear your body apart, so you just wanted to stay there on the ground in the middle of nature. It took me another two hours to leave you there. I had to go to dinner like we had all planned, since it was the night before our graduation, but I had to keep my composure so that no one would find out and get the wrong idea -- as if I would ever hurt you. I wanted to tell the entire table, but my parents were there, so I kept signaling all of them that I would tell them something important later, but I don't think any of them got my message. They were just laughing and talking loudly like always, and I had to keep everything inside until later, which would be the appropriate time to let everyone know. I hated myself. But you told me that you would help me after you were gone, so I trusted you. That night, I told my parents that I would need to see a psychiatrist. They looked at me strangely, and I just replied vaguely, "To help me get through some shit that is going on in my life right now." The next day was your birthday. The mass was going to be at St. Theresa, so I was walking down Pilgrim Avenue. I hadn't told anyone what had happened yet last night -- and only Chris knew beforehand. It was morning -- my parents dropped me off early -- and the mass wasn't until the afternoon. I was alone until about noon, when the kids came out to play in the sun. I just kept walking around the block without thinking, in a daze. And then my cellphone rang. I picked it up and heard some recording of the "happy birthday" song, some weird oldie version that was kind of funny -- but then the person hung up and cut it off quickly. I checked my caller ID and saw that it was Chris. I called back, and when he picked up, I could hear him crying, and then I was crying, and he told me that he "fucking remembered" after I had picked up, that you were dead. He had planned a birthday wake-up call for you, but he dialed my number by accident since our names were after one another in his phone book, and my voice reminded him of the secret event that had happened the night before. He hung up on me in anger, refusing to talk to me anymore. I got the feeling that maybe he regretted that I was the one who had lived. I collapsed on the sidewalk, just crying. I couldn't believe you were gone. When I started walking to the church, I saw Kyle on the corner who started shaking his finger at me. He told me that I had been expected to be at the church 15 minutes before the starting time, so that I could set up and I wouldn't be late. Well, I was late anyway. I was setting up on the organ when people started asking for you. I was panicking inside, trying to tell them to their faces that I didn't know where you were and that you would be late in coming, while images of you lying dead on the forest floor were filling my head. Everyone I talked to just smiled and walked away. And then I worried about how my lie would hold up when you didn't come tonight. Or tomorrow. Or the week later. Before the mass started, a little girl came up to me and asked me if I was the organist. Then she said, "I think that your playing is really cool." During the homily, I looked over at the congregation and saw your mom, Ibrihim, an empty space they were saving for you, and Chris. I almost started crying again. But then halfway through the mass... you walked in. I was dumbfounded. You were smiling at my shocked face and wearing a white dress, and you took your empty seat among all your family and friends. Now I was smiling as the mass went on. It was so good to see you! Chris had the same shocked look on his face, and he pulled you into a hug for several minutes. He couldn't move his arms once they were around you. He leaned into your neck and almost cried on the spot. But there were people here, so he couldn't. He just held you for the rest of the hour. When I finally played my last chord, the congregation began to leave. I ran up to you and hugged you, the biggest smile on my face. "I'm not here to stay," you told me. My smile instantly vanished. "Don't worry about it!" you said. You played with my hair, which I curled for that day. "Eee, you look so pretty!" you complimented. You kept smiling, so I thought everything would be alright. We walked outside, laughing and talking, and we all subtly watched as you and Chris walked ahead together, as always. He pulled you in for another hug and a long kiss. He was sooo happy to see you again, after he thought you were gone forever without even saying goodbye. And then he pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket, and took a step back, away from you, never once breaking eye contact. He drew a line between you and the rest of the group, and he wasn't smiling anymore. What's going on? I thought. I ran over to where you two were. He then crouched down and drew a circle around your feet. You looked at us sadly, and I started crying again. "What's that for??" I asked, anxious all of a sudden. "It's so that she can leave the way she came," Chris said. When the circle was complete on the ground, he stood up next to me. And then we watched you shoot up into the sky, a blur that I could hardly distinguish, and then you were gone. - - - - - - - - - - - DREAM SYMBOLS, taken from some interpretation website... Organ To hear or play an organ in your dream, represents your spiritual connection and religious views. The dream may also be a metaphor to represent the penis. Besides the fact that I'm an organist... I kind of was on the MoSx website before I went to bed LOL, so maybe the second definition is actually more accurate!? Organist To see an organist in your dream, represents discipline, harmony and a higher spiritual plane. The dream also indicates the ability to express yourself. Okay, vague, but it fits me xD. Death To dream about the death of a loved one, suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what do you like about him/her. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, it indicates that whatever that person represents has no part in your own life. The second person I talked to about my dream this morning was actually Jessica Rivera, and she told me that the death might mean that I'm envious of something. My first thought was that what I am "lacking in my own relationship or circumstances" could be the kind of relationship Ivy and Chris have, so that was interesting lol. Though a jealous green bitch I am not! XD. It just fits, since we all spent an entire day seeing the two of them together, lol. ^___^ Corpse To see a corpse in your dream, represents an aspect of yourself that has died. Or it may mean that you are unexpressive. You have shut yourself down and are dead inside. I would label this as my music/piano side, yes... DX Church To dream that you are in a church, suggests that you are seeking for some spiritual enlightenment and guidance. You are looking to be uplifted in some way. Perhaps you have made some mistakes in the past which have set you back on your path toward your goals. With proper support, you will get on the right track again. Alternatively, it may also mean that you are questioning and debating your life path and where it is leading. You are reevaluating what you want to do. All of this fits the worries I have about senior year and upcoming college, yup. Woods To see the woods in your dream, represents life, fertility, rejuvenation, and spring. Alternatively, it symbolizes the unknown and unconscious. You may be discovering your instinctual nature. To dream that you are walking through the woods, signifies your return to an aspect of yourself that is innocent and spiritual. If you are walking out of the woods, then the dream could be a literal depiction of being "out of the woods" or being in the clear. This is very contradicting lmao. The first part about being "instinctual" I would link with the visit to the MoSx website LOL, but the "innocent" part of the second one completely invalidates that o_O. Tears To dream that you are in tears, signifies that a healing of some sort is taking place in your life. The tears symbolize compassion, emotional healing and spiritual cleansing. Alternatively, tears may indicate pain. To dream that others are in tears, indicates that you need to rethink your actions and how your behavior may be affecting those around you. I agree with the latter part of the first part, and the second part fits. Circle To see a circle in your dream, symbolizes perfection, completeness, immortality and/or wholeness. On a less positive note, it may also mean that you are going around in circles in a particular situation. Or the circle can indicate monotony and endless repetition. To see circles within circles in your dream, indicate that you are well protected or that you are being overly guarded. You may need to let down your defenses. Alternatively, the dream may highlight the notion that you are going around in a vicious circle. You need to somehow find a way to break this circle. I like this definition because the circle was drawn around Ivy, and so I think that it's a message for me to tell her that she's well-protected, guarded, and whole. :] If applied to me, however... well, I'd be in the "monotony and endless repetition" part. x_X Late To dream that you are late, denotes your fear of change and your ambivalence about seizing an opportunity. You may feel unready, unworthy, or unsupported in your current circumstances. Additionally, you may be overwhelmed or conflicted with decisions about your future. You feel time is running out and that you do not have time to accomplish all the things you want. Uhm.... spot on?! Except for the last sentence XD. Dinner To dream that you are eating dinner with others, signifies your acceptance of others. It is a time to reflect and share past experiences. It also suggests that you see everyone as an equal. I love you guys. Telephone To see or hear a telephone in your dream, signifies a message from your unconscious or some sort of telepathic communication. You may be forced to confront issues which you have tried to avoid. Alternatively, the telephone represents your communication and relationship with others. To dream that you are having a telephone conversation with someone you know, signifies an issue that you need to confront with that person. This issue may have to do with letting go some part of yourself. Uhm, not quite accurate? The first could relate to my parents... but the need to confront Chris? Lol, noo. Cell Phone To see or use a cell phone in your dream, indicates that you are being receptive to new information. It also represents your mobility. Oh so very vague... Chalk To see a piece of chalk in your dream, refers to school and learning. Your ability and knowledge is being called into question. To see something written in chalk, signifies something that can easily escape your grasp. You have an advantage in some situation, but it is only temporary. Consider the significance of the message written. It figures that school would pop up in one of my worst dreams.... But wait, my ability and knowledge is being questioned!? Oh HELLLL no! xD. "You have an advantage in some situation, but it is only temporary"... SO VAGUE. X_X Dress To dream that you are wearing a white dress, suggests that you want to appear pure and angelic toward others. If the dress is another color, look up the specific color for additional significance. That figures, since Ivy was supposed to be like a ghost coming back XD Cell Phone To see or use a cell phone in your dream, indicates that you are being receptive to new information. It also represents your mobility. Oh so very vague... Birthday To dream about your birthday, denotes acceptance of yourself. You are celebrating who you are and coming to terms with who you are as a person. Yeah, o-kay. The birthday was Ivy's, not mine though, lol. Psychologist To see or dream that you are a psychologist, symbolizes the intellectual and wise aspect of yourself. Alternatively, the dream maybe be telling you to be more understanding. Don't be so hard on yourself. Interesting. Well, I wasn't a psychologist, but I wanted to know what wanting future counseling would mean, lol.