I started writing on here again because I thought it would be healthy for me, you know, a familiar place to vent and share my thoughts and what not. Very theraputic. I'm starting to second guess that.

I spent most of today delving into my past and just...Idk if I'm feeling depressed or whatever but it's certainly not a happy feeling.

I tracked back all the old RPs I was part of. Not just the SC but the other ones. Most people don't know it, but when I was at odds with a certain member of the SC (I won't mention names) I found an escape to another RP community, a DBZ one. I was a huge fan of DBZ and a huge fan of RP'ing...so of course that went hand in hand.

I don't think anyone from the SC knew or cared, but that's why I came back as a much better writer/rp'er because the people in the DBZ community were very unforgiving and wouldn't let me be anything less than perfect.

But I digress. Anyway. I was looking through the old DBZ community sites and it was actually tragic to see how many sites we went through and how...like, even there the community wasn't perfect and we all got into fights and eventually went our separate ways. We tried to keep things fresh by switching sites (from '05 until like '09) but it just wasn't enough. The community couldn't stay together after things became MORE than just the RP but became personal.

And that's when it hit me - that exact same thing happened to the SC. When we got personal, we all fell apart. And maybe it wasn't an isolated thing. Maybe when you get personal you need to work twice as hard to stay together.

It made me sad because it sucks that two communities I was part of just fell apart. People who I was really close to I don't even talk to anymore. And it's sad.

Like I requested a few people on Facebook and I doubt they'll accept/want to talk. But I had to try, you know? I mean I had to see if the experiences/memories we shared still meant as much to them as they did to me. It would be wonderful to just spend a couple hours reminiscing about the good times and forget about the bad. But sometimes that's easier said than done.

My life from ages 12 to 17 was friggen annoying, difficult, and just unpleasant. And I wouldn't have made it or became as strong of a person as I am without those two communities being there to help shape and direct me. And I hope that I had some kind of impact on people from them, too.

Maybe one day we'll communicate and it'll be awesome. Or maybe some things are just destined to say in the past and the nostalgia keeps you alive.