so, as 6am rolls around. I've been sitting here all night just thinking about mad random shit. I'm gonna try and finangle (i use that word entirely too much) my subway job back tomorrow night. if i want to be fucked up for the remaining time i have left in life, i gotta have money to get what i gotta get and go where i gotta go. I uh...i don't know. i'm sittin here talkin to Jackie and her lame ass isint answering. i hope she falls off the bed. So i sat here and went through all of fuzz's emails earlier. I found myself occasionally grinning and then like 10 seconds later im wailing lighters across the room in absolute disgust. It's like...i know it's different now...completely different. But it took me back to the "what if" shit, i got so mad at myself for not doing what i now know i should have. I read some things that made me want to try and start everything over, then i read things that made me want to blow the entire state of Indiana off the map. But no matter what i read, it all pierced directly through my skin and into my brain and that other vital organ. I would do anything...Coulda Woulda Shoulda....it's all in the past. She's not the person that i literally grew up with. I guess certain things about her changed. Like...ah fuck it. moving on. So i've been talkin to this twat (hah) and I think she's fucking awesome. (little does she know i'm only talking to her to get her psych 101 book) I seem to be easily attracted to people who (right after meeting me) decide to insult and threaten my well being. But she's like...idk. she sometimes catches me off gaurd with shit she says, but at the same time, i totally expected it...ya know? no, ya don't. fucking dotslasher. i dont care if you got new shoes, your in belgium, where are my waffles bitch. so. my mom is getting surgery on her right foot and will literally be disabled for about 6 months, which means i have to go get my license so i can haul her broke ass around for that span of time. I shoulda got that shit years ago, but i was probably way too stoned to remember. I can now chaueffur my nieces and nephew around why my lame sister totally fails at life. i can DO SHIT THEN. ya fuckin hoo. So, i've been talking to D abit recently. i like, i don't even know what to say on that subject. I guess it's cool that we're cool, but at the same time i get alot of negative shit running through my head. I don't know what path i'm gonna take so...we shall see. but come on now, Panic in the kitchen was one of the highlights of the year. ok, jackie talks for 2 minutes, then vanishes for like 10. I cannot wait til i get my hands on this girl. for shore. Neurologist appointment December 8th. I bet they fail, just like the others. My brain is far too advanced for them to decypher what's growing in it. faggots. it's 6:30, im out like bush in 08.