4:17 am He is all around me. I can see him all around me. But still sometimes I treat him like he is nothing. 7:55 pm I think I'm finally out of mourning. I just realized it today, though I think it's been a few weeks already since I came out of it. And I realized it because I feel like I'm back to acting like an idiot again, because I'm not being good. Like, what kind of idiot can't even keep a promise to themselves? What kind of idiot doesn't learn from their mistakes? I am so easily tempted into doing the wrong things. I must be the worst idiot of all, to know that I am doing all the wrong things and still be unwilling to change my ways. I feel like I'm in a tug-of-war, and I'm up against myself. And I've been trying to be stronger, religiously and spiritually...But I still end up making the wrong choices, I keep tripping up. I guess there are just some things God won't help you with? I am burnt out.