i am seriously missing the late-night conversations about everything. i hate stupid full-time jobs that leave guys tired. i feel so desperate for a good conversation because i thrive on those. but it is 26 minutes past midnight and there is really no one to talk to. i have really distanced myself from everyone. the physical distance was already there but there is just some other distance created that i cannot even articulate or identify. i cannot befriend people in riverside and if i do, they are so short-living. it's just that i feel as if every girl is just superficial here and they're always looking for party. i have grown out of that. i just want someone to go out with and not be all crazy about partying. i don't want people up in my face about sorority and clubbing and all that. and yeah, i am pretty sure that there are people out there who aren't in sororities and don't go clubbing. but they feel so weird because they are so different from me. i seriously feel so sadly disconnected from the world and i realize that i am only now reaching out to people when they've been reaching out to me in the past. and all i basically did was push them away and flaked out on them. argh. i am a flawed person, i know. i guess there's just so many things about me that i need to change and re-invent. until then, i am this measly person of nothing.