Somedays I'll sit and think about how things would be different if I was soandso, looked like soandso, and had soandso's friends, did soandsos things. I often go as far as to create entire situations in my head and play them over and over. How my relationships would change, how everything would be easier if I looked different, if I was different, if I was more confident... it goes on. It's desperately creepy, but it gets me by. The thing is, 98% of the time I could have the situations I long for looking like I do, being who I am.. if I would allow it. It happens all the time. For instance, right now... there's this guy. I say I don't like him, I think I'm afraid of him. Actually I know I am, which is insane.. because he's a sweetheart. He's genuine, cute, cool, chill, and super nice to me. He would give me a chance, we've talked about it. We always talk about it, actually. He's even tried to initiate... physical contact, haha. It's just like.. I don't have the guts to go for it. In my dream world, everything is easy between us, and we move forward &get super close&all that. It could easily happen, but I CAN'T LET IT. &I don't get it. :( This has even happened before [with the love of my life] and I ruined that by not going for it. What if this guys the next big thing for me, and I ruin it too? Rawwr. I don't even really remember what happened since my last update. Did stuff, didn't do stuff. I slept, a lot.. and hung out with/saw a bunch of the old crew, which was cool. It's almost the weekend &I'm happy. Not going to school Friday, and there's no school Monday. I've established that minus the cool few that I LOVE, I really don't like sluts at all, infact I'm quite digusted by them. They fucking piss me off. The fact that everyone thinks I am one is horrendous. Funny though, so I let it slide. Since the start of the school year I have been called: Punk, prep, goth, hippie, slut, stoner, bitch, freak, etc... what is similar about those labels? I like that people think I'm crazy. Because I am. :] I'M STRAIGHT UP GANGSTER. I just excercised & it was lame. I need to get atleast half-assed in shape before the summer comes. Shit to do, man.