I believe I need to dissapear again. I said I wanted to the last time and I didn't and it made feel ashamed. I want to be physically and emotionally distraught, a wreck of a life. Barely held together at the seams. I want her to care for me. I know she does, but I need to see it, always. Which could be a problem. It might be something to discuss later in life. I want so bad to be stuck on that island like on tv, and I want so bad to be like that guy in that tv show. Maybe it's a fantasy/reality complex like she said. I'm sorry for writing this.