omg fuckin gosh you stinking internet diary. even though i love you i cant believe you let me write all that and not save shit!!! ill do it again. people need to hear. today i felt as if maybe i might be the big "ut oh" but the way my emotions are chaninging like cops in a high speed chase i know different. i feel like i have the power to tell lajeffrey a few things on my mind today and not be afraid. he is very intimidating to me most of the time. maybe b/c i think he knows how much i love him. im not ashamed to love him. just afraid that he knows he is the captain of S.S. Shugg and he wants to drive me into stormy waters to see if i can last. i dont like being tested. at all. i keep forgetting that he has seem me in all of my worst states from physical to emotional and he is still there. i keep forgetting that he is opening doors i only see him share with me. and i keep forgetting how unashamed he is of the word. though sometimes i feel like it is just game, and none of the boys care b/c they use it too. see how insecure i am?? well hopefully the s.s shugg will come to a calm state and settle down. til i know talk later p.s i miss shugg