yesterday was hell, i felt like crap knowin i couldnt take his place and this mornin well, up to about 15 minutes ago i was goin crazy. i havent heard an update on my lovely grandfather and it was tearing me apart. today it poured and i was in the middle on my backyard thinking about the good times. i was soaked and cold and i didnt care. When i got inside 30minutes later i got mad at myself for thinkin of the good times like it was over. it really got to me and i kinda started flipping out. then i came back to my computer and started talking to katie and zach, best friends of mine... i`d still be a wreck if it wasnt for them. Zach had me scream into a pillow and you kno it actually helped. then Katie told me to think positive and she was so right, i mean sittin here feeling terrible was going to do what? nothing. so because of my wonderful friends i am thinking happier and more possitive. i really believe he a a trooper and a strong man, and god, the the stories he has told me, if he had made it thru that, he can make it thru this. hes my hero.