I think ima gonna love guitar...it makes me feel better and i only no e and a and i love sarah cuz shes going to let me wear her contra coat. and shes awesome. lol but yeah i think ima gonna like guitar and i cant wait til im actually good. oh and pretending to be happy sucks. i just want to cry all the time but i dont want people to worry or whatever. um lots has happened..alotta fun stuff..and i just dont want to talk about those things. cuz itd take to long and im not in the mood. I am stuck inside this cocoon. I hear the leaves dropping to the ground from the inside. You ask me if I am a virgin? A virgin to what? A virgin to heartbreak? No.. A virgin to being fucked, and left without confidence, and an empty bed the next morning? Well, yes... I have this gift, they so lovingly like to put it. I HAVEN'T met the right guy, yeah, thats the ticket. I haven't found the right place of the right time. He did say "I will love you forever," didn't he? Well girl, I guess forever ended of never began." -Julia Gillam, 15 i love that poem. i love my life i think but not right now. i juss wanna stay in my bed. and listen to country. and eat m&ms and i hate math and i hate other stuff too. i dont think any of this is making sense but i dont care cuz ima type what comes out of my head. no my brain...which isnt being very nice to my heart right now. wow ima loser. and im mad cuz i cant get blood drawn morrow and i have english that i am pretending not to have. i like to pretend these days. it makes me a more fun person cuz if i acted how i feel sometimes...id be .. i dont know how to describe it a grouch bucket all the time..but no one likes those kind of people. and id get sick of my self. anyway morrow is going to be not a good day. i know it. the only good this is going to guitar. i guess thats all i have to look foward to these days. loveya kate