One day at a time. One minute I'm on top of the world and feeling like I can handle the way I'm feeling, but then, in another minute I'm a complete mess. Like today, I managed to avoid the world by being in bed until noon. I had the covers tucked right up around my shoulders and the pillow completely covered my face. I wasn't asleep for most of it but I was warm and feeling okay. My mother came in and hinted that we should go to the mall and spend money. I was quick to move. I think mainly because I didn't want to keep doing this to myself. She was there again in my dreams. She always seems to pop up when something nice is happening between us. How can I tell him that I don't want things the way they are when he told me that he didn't want to lose me? I just don't see anything changing. I don't see myself being happy because I'm constantly wondering if he's keeping his word. He managed to lie convincingly for 8 months of our relationship. I just don't want it to happen again. I hate when principle comes into it. I should have technically dumped him by now. Gah.